Thanks for your replies!
All continues to go very well. ExH came over in the evening and we spent the whole evening and dinner together. We talk, talk, talk. Not about our R so much, but getting to know each other again. It is truly wonderful.
I invited him to come over last evening, leaving it on his machine in the morning before I left for the day. He called me before coming over, and asked if I needed anything at the store! This is the man I loved for years- very thoughtful and giving. Wow.
On a side note, yesterday I did share my news of these developments with a few female coworkers. One of them ---and she's not one of my closest friends-- literally had some tears roll down her cheek when I told her about the changes and hope. It was touching to see how much it meant to her. I think many people understand the depth of love and how it can endure even the worst of times. She's been married about five years, but I know her parents have for about 35 years.
I told exH the other day that we married for better or for worse, and we'd been through the worst and could make it still.
Tonight he will be with the children and I for New Year's Eve at a relative's home. This is a relative he's kept in contact with and socialized with throughout this entire ordeal. We're staying overnight there, but he and I won't be sharing the same room!
Once while discussing different possibilities on how to reconcile we talked about him moving back in, marrying later. (We're both kind of analytical so we even wrote up different plan ideas.) Naturally this type of move in without marriage is not going to happen as it's something I've always said I'd NEVER do, and this is one NEVER I don't want to 'break'. I already broke a big one, or two. (affair , divorce)
So all is going well. I feel extremely in love and wanting to never let go but I am holding back and respecting his need for a slow pace and comfort. I want him to want this, and me, with his entire heart.
JL,
I'm still curious as to what you thought the surprises were. Yes, I'm glad you're happy too about the surprise I did have. I told my exH I was happy to know that he did have someone to talk to, but I felt bad but UNDERSTOOD why it wasn't me for that time.
I told exH about how I would always quiz the children on his 'dating' possibilities, etc, (is she married? etc) and how they would get annoyed with me from time to time. He did seem to appreciate the jealous feelings, as well he should. I will never take him for granted again!
It's funny , but after reading all the stories here and after going through what I've gone through, I sadly see that a lot of people on this planet wish to harm others and hurt marriages. Thus even though we were divorced or near divorce I always was afraid some woman could manage to work her way into his heart. I guess I should have had more faith in him, but it was all so precarious and detached for so long that it was hard to know if I knew him anymore. He is the same man as always, just with some changes that had to happen as part of the whole deal.
We haven't talked about fears since earlier this week when he said he was afraid we wouldn't get along. It needs to be talked about more at length. I think the more time he's with me and sees how good it is--as it was for YEARS in our marriage before the A, he's feeling reassured.
JL, I did look at old posts a few days ago. It was interesting, and I do see I've come a long way. This time was necessary for me alone, although it's been very unpleasant at times. A lot of learning took place!
Thanks again JL for all your help and guidance.
Chris,
Thanks for your words of encouragement. I'm glad it gives you hope. Like Redhat told me--it's not time to give up until you really feel ready to give up...or your spouse has divorced you and remarried. Things do turn around.
When did your H find out? I know nothing of your story, I'll have to look back at some posts of yours.
Truly Chris many here will tell you there were times I wanted to give up. In October I felt like giving up for a few weeks. I did earlier in the year too. I was just tired of obsessing over it and getting no results after exH telling me he would 'try'. But I realized I couldn't give up, I had to listen to my gut.
Stay strong, you can do it. If I can, anyone can!
D Hanush,
Thanks for your post too! I'm glad that the little sapling is growing so well indeed into a little tree.
I will admit I do feel very young again and have that awesome feeling of falling in love but it's not a flash in the pan feeling, and I know that this sort of floating on air won't last the rest of my life in this intensity. If it did, I couldn't function in the real world! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Thanks for the insights. I am glad he didn't leave me for this other woman. It could have easily happened, especially once he was 'close' to her. It didn't happen, and I am very blessed that it didn't.
Thanks again everyone. This is a great group of people!
H_P
