well i just got off the phone w/my H I was giving him the number and time to call SH on monday. he said "this is for you right? it's not marriage counseling is it?" i said no (i hope i didn't ruin anything) that it was someone who was recommended to help me with what i've learned because i've taken a look at myself and realized some of how i was but that i can only guess to a certain extent and that he (SH) needs to get your perspective. He said okay.

did i just totally blow it? now i think if i did tell him it was marriage counseling that he would just think i'm trying to manipulate him. now i wish i would have just said he was a marriage counselor but does do IC as well. i already sent SH an email this morning and said that i hoped he just answered the phone this is SH because if my H thought it was MC he wouldn't do it. I just wasn't ready for him asking me about it.

i guess all i can do is pray that God's will be done and that even if my H get's upset that he was a MC that maybe some of what SH will be planted for later down the road.

<small>[ April 09, 2004, 01:38 PM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>

Well,what's done is done but tread carefully.If your WH wants to he could find out that SH is a MC so just be as honest as you can from now on.If you don't that is just going to erode any trust building on his part too.He needs to trust you one day and you need him to trust you and you both will have to be completely honest with each other.

Remember that WS's do not want to be educated and this could back fire but hopefully your WH won't ask too many questions(like: "are you a MC?") and the phone call will just happen.Ugh.Time will tell.

O

RR, I don't see anthing wrong wiht this. It is a strategy to have Wh to talk to SH. You didn't lie. That is what I used to. He said he would only talk to SH 10 min, but he ended up talking for the whole hour. Once he gets there, SH will handle him.

My WH still did not appear yet, I will go to TOronto tomorrow with kids if he still not showing up. I didn't sleep well at all last night. I feel so anxious.

RR, I don't see anthing wrong wiht this. It is a strategy to have Wh to talk to SH. You didn't lie. That is what I used to. He said he would only talk to SH 10 min, but he ended up talking for the whole hour. Once he gets there, SH will handle him.

My WH still did not appear yet, I will go to TOronto tomorrow with kids if he still not showing up. I didn't sleep well at all last night. I feel so anxious.

did i just totally blow it?
No.

now i think if i did tell him it was marriage counseling that he would just think i'm trying to manipulate him. now i wish i would have just said he was a marriage counselor but does do IC as well.
That would have confused the issue for him more. To a ws, MC means "working on the marriage".

Technically, it is MC but not in a "traditional" understanding. MC is not solely to save a marriage. It is for a married couple to work through problems and understand how the relationship went sour.

If Steve (or anyone) gets a ws to talk about the marriage, then it forces them to look at it, instead of just saying how terrible it was (whether it actually was or not is irrelevant to a ws).
Remember though, it IS for you. Steve is talking to him to find out what his problems were with you/marriage so YOU can work on these issues.

well i sent a email to SH asking him to read it before my H's appt on monday and to reply if he could. basically i told him what happened and that if he (SH) talks about the changes i've made and what i've learned that i think my H will trust what i've said. I guess if you look at it another way, i guess i do consider myself more in IC then I do in MC, I think MC needs to invlove both spouses. now that's not to say that IC can't help you work on your M, etc. so maybe that's the approach i need to go w/if the subject comes up again. we'll see...i've got to expect set-backs and that my H will get upset w/certain things. i just feel like i'm still one step behind my H sometimes.

after my H's session next week and then my session the next day I won't be able to afford any session for awhile but at least it got started and i will just have to continue to do the best I can, learn from my mistakes, and go to God for support. Thanks you guys, Lost, have a safe and pleasant trip. with or with out your H. prayers to all of you.

thanks chris, just saw your reply, boy your good.

<small>[ April 09, 2004, 02:59 PM: Message edited by: roughroad ]</small>