Ok here goes. I know a few things about the OW (nothing major) like she's driving without a valid license, she's supposed to go to court on Tues. and if she doesn't show there will be a warrent out for her arrest. Monday she goes to court for writing worthless checks. She believes she's divorced and she's not. (Neither her or her husband showed up for the final hearing and the judge dismissed it). She is on probation for a felony drug conviction and I'm sure she moved without telling her probabtion officer, and WS's employers don't know this, etc.. So my question is, do I say anything to anyone? I mean anonymously of course. This woman has a criminal history a mile long. WS knows this and I think this adds to the excitement. I may be grasping at straws here but if she were somehow out of his life we'd have a better chance. I know I could just let the chips fall where they may, and I know if I am found out it would be major LB's but after 16 months I'm at a loss. Please help!

Yikes!! She sounds like a real winner. I would notify the probation department. But they are so busy, they may not do anything.

What is wrong with your WH???

How could you use this information to your advantage? I would surely do it if it would help your situation.

I've never heard of exposure including a probation officer....but I suppose it could be done! LOL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Gaahh...

I am in a similar boat and as OP is still involved in my wife's life I'm still struggling with what I could do...

Before the affair, I did a heck of a lot to improve OW's life. I got her a job (with career potential) where I was working, I gave her a place to live and didn't ask for money when I knew she was tight, fed her, listened and counselled about personal issues...

Now I have a heck of a lot of dirt. And the temptation to undo all the good that I did her is so great...

I could call the police and turn her in for dealing dope. I could call people in town and spread enough dirt that would make life there nigh unbearable for her. I could call my old boss and have her fired...

All that I've done so far was to email my boss and ask him not to use her to relay messages to me through my wife. I told him why (that she was having an affair with my wife) but then asked him to not judge her harshly and to help guide her towards God. (Old boss is very Christian) If he found out that she smokes dope before work...

I do nothing, thought there are times when I really really want to.

But then I think about all the things I need to ask God (and my Wife) to forgive me for and I remind myself that I will not act out of spite.

Also, there is that huge LB thing... I do love my Wife, and want her back and attacks towards OW will just drive them together.

So that's my input. I don't know that it will be any help, but it felt good to get it off my chest.
Thanks. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

dewt

Well, take it from someone who is on the unpleasant end of this. My OW is doing the best she can to have me thrown in jail and is trying to ruin my business. It as consumed way too much of my time and effort to fight all this off, and I wonder why she just doens't move on and try to recover and get off my back.

I know that it is tempting to mess around with someone else's life, but your time and energy can be better spent on more important things.

Besides, who knows what kind of wacko you'll end up pissing off. He or she might turn around and try to sue you for emotional distress, etc. OK< it might not go anywhere, but you'll still have to go to court, hire an attorney, etc.

Unless you are defending yourself in someway, let it go. I never used to be this way. I used to think about revenege a lot in life. Heck, I used to tell myself I would someday pay a hitman to kill some guy in high school who hit on my girlfriend. Now, I couldn't care less.

I am too busy with my own life to be worrying about a bunch of losers who are just footnotes in my life.

Yeah, to kind of embellish on what White said, I knew "stuff" about OW too. Should I have told WH?

here's what I decided......exposing ow's JUNK wasn't going to make any difference!!! The A was going "hot and heavy" and he may or may not have known all this anyway.

See, you don't really know what she tells him, or how she "colors" these events in her life to (maybe) keep him "hooked" - The White Knight syndrome <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> (sorry, WK)

Take the high road here. It's safer, fraught with fewer potholes.

God Bless,

lupolady:

How did OW die tragically? How has H reacted? and you?

<small>[ April 17, 2004, 05:01 PM: Message edited by: whiteknight ]</small>

Man what a bunch of conflict avoiders. I put so much conflict between my WW and the OM it not only ended the A but now they hate eachother.

I saw it as an all out war and I played dirty. Some of it I did covertly and some of it out in the open. OM soon understood I was a force to be reckoned with and as long as he had contact with my W his life would be a living he11. Safty and security for him ceased to exsist.

The concept of the love bank says conflict leads to love busting and I wanted them love busting. So i did everything in my power to put conflict between them.

Cyn1018

she's driving without a valid license, she's supposed to go to court on Tues. and if she doesn't show there will be a warrent out for her arrest. Monday she goes to court for writing worthless checks.

Writing worthless checks is fraud and a violation of her probation any crime is a violation of probation so is driving without a licence. Do you think her probation officer might want to know this? He just might send her back to jail for a while. Think that might be a love bust from her to your H having to take care of her 2 kids all alone?

She is on probation for a felony drug conviction

Have you thought that she still is doing drugs and writing bad checks to support her habit? There are 2 children living there are there not?
I think the state child wefare agency needs to be informned of this possibility. They will go out and investigate. Hows that for a love bust. The state thinks she is an unfit mother and she`s have his baby. But more important than the LB is from the info you just posted I really suspect drug use is onging. And the kids need to be out that house.

WS's employers don't know this,

They need to know. How would you like a drug felon working for and you didn`t know about it?

This woman has a criminal history a mile long. WS knows this and I think this adds to the excitement.

I`m thinking its the drugs adding to the excitment.

Thanks everyone for your replies. I agree that OW is still doing drugs and this is not good for her children. If WS was out of her life for any length due to missdeeds, etc. she'd be gone in a heartbeat. I know I should tell someone I just don't want to be found out. She is wacko! WS even said so. Sometimes I think she has something on WS so that's why he's with her. She already threatened him with the baby. (You'll never see your f***** kid again. This I heard myself). No one can believe that he's even with her. Yeah, it has to be the drugs because as nasty as she is it must take a lot of them.

Does anyone know if you call one of those "tip lines" how it is handled? I know the situation OW and WS are in is not good at all. I know she is doing drugs in front of her children. She is also an alcoholic and this enviroment is not good for anyone. I don't want to LB but what choice do I have? OW has gotten away with far too much for far too long.

Just call Children's Protective Services in your area. They will keep it completely anonymous. My step-kids mom is a druggie. I finally went to court against her, and father got custody of one 3 year old.

Everyone in the family (my WH included) was furious at me. But that little boy has a wonderful home now with his dad. So I don't give a sh%t.

The funny thing is when we went to court, 3 different people had called CPS on her. Everyone thought it was me, but it wasn't. I never did because I could not prove anything, and thought they would not do anything. But see, it all added up. I still don't know who called on her, but it really helped.

Cyn - I'm gonna break from the pack on this.

You're not married to this creep and you have no children together, right?

Looks like they're both into drugs and they're both x-cons, right?

They're living together, right?

Dump him.

Don't look back.

WAT

No, I don't have any children. And yes, he is my
husband.

OK, I stand corrected if you're being truthful.

In your first post on this board, New and Desperately needing Answers, you referred to him as your "SO", significant other? In no other post have you referred to him as your husband except for the "S" in "WS."

I also understand you have stated that you lost a child. That gives up something in common.

If you really want to save this marriage, I suggest you go to Plan B - to save yourself. Write an honest Plan B letter, send a copy to his Mom, and hope for the best.

WAT

You are right I did refer to him as my SO. It feels so long since we've been together that it's hard to think of him as a H. Sorry to confuse you. I was in Plan B for 6 months and then Plan A again when OW announced her pregnancy, only after WS said he wanted me back. Right now I feel like the OW.