Alright everyone we know my husband has moved out and is filing for divorce. I still have gut feeling he is in contact with OW. He wants me to change all of the bills out of his name. Well I get home tonight and I can tell he has been in the house so I call him and ask did you come to the house today. He says yeah to use the phone (I had a phone recorder plugged in and got nothing because I believe he messed with it). Anyway he says what are you doing and I tell him I am going to my grandma's for dinner. He says ok do you want to get dinner with the kids tomorrow night and then get the cell phone changed into your name. I said sure. He said he just left the lawyer. I asked him what they said and he said we can talk about it later, go have fun. I said well I just wondered why you were in the house because I assumed that if you had moved out you would not be coming in when I was not home. He said well I am going to move back in to the addition (another portion of our house not our room) I said Oh and he said we can talk about it later.

So what I see here is that he is still wanting to change the cell phone to my name and is probably still thinking he is going to file for divorce but he wants to move into our home?? I am guessing maybe the lawyer told him something that he did not want to hear. Like maybe he moved out and that is not good on his part. So what do I do about this? Let him move in and use the opportunity for Plan A and possibly get taken for a ride?? Or say no for my protection?? Also my D has been having a tough time adjusting to him being gone. I hate to have him move back in and then just leave again and have her go through this all over again?? If he does move back in I oviously need to set some boundaries. Any suggestions??

H&F

It sounds like the lawyer told your H he is losing out on the house and stuff by moving back in he will stay in the loop of it all. Lawyers are sneaky watch yourself. I dont know the whole circumstance, but my lawyer told me my WH could move back in anytime he wants and there is nothing I can do about it.

HINY

If he is filing for a D and whats all the bills in your name, tell him NO, HE## NO. He made your choice to end the M, and that does not give him the privlege to move back in. If he wants to work on the M, then you can talk but otherwise make other arrangements. Even if he want to work on the M, I would not let him move back in right away. He has made every effort to end the M, but nothing to justify him moving back in.

My advice is for you to change the locks, he shouldn't have free access to "your" house. Protect yourself and your D.

Sounds like he wants you to foot his expenses, as well as whatever else he has planned.

You should still be doing Plan A, but not be a doormat. Your probably right that he is still in contact with OW. Talk to him but set your boundries and stick to them. His actions are to be believed, not what he says. If need be contact your own lawyer for your own protection.

Be very careful with allowing him to move back, I allowed my H to move back several times, it became a revoling door, and in the end he cleaned me out, took everything he left behind the first and second time., moved items out slowing so no one would notice, and in the end he managed to get pretty much everything he wanted out right under my nose. Now I feel so.....stupid to have allowed him back., I to had changed the locks and never gave him keys to dead bolts, but he managed to change a few to meet his needs when I wasn't home...

I have learned A LOT from this experience., never believe ANYTHING they say.....

Follow your gut and only your gut, forget about the heart., it takes you down the wrong path.

That is what I thought everyone might say. So I really have no options on whether or not to let him move back in?? I am sure he is still planning on filing. I am guessing the lawyer told him he needed to be in the house or he would lose it in court because he walked out. I want my marriage so bad I am afraid I am going to make the wrong choice by letting him move back in. I would bet my last 100.00 he is still contacting OW.

Melody if you read this I would love to hear some of your advice.

**bump** Anybody have any further advice. I am meeting with my WH tomorrow and he is going to bring this up. I don't know what I should do. Don't want to be taken for a ride but want my husband home.

ok, he is trying to move back in so that he will be in an advantageous legal position when the assets and custody are split. This is not about getting back together, this is about legal advantage.

He intends on living there while he carries on his single life and pursues the OW while he waits out the divorce.

Hope, you need to tell him no. Don't change anything on any of the bills and don't let him move back unless he is ready to work on the marriage. I think you need to go see a lawyer real quick to protect yourself.

You can work on Plan A, but your legal protection has to come first. I don't believe from the sounds of this that he has your best interest at heart.

Hi hope,

You may need to go and get yourself a lawyer to protect yourself now.It is true that your WH can rightfully live in the home if it is jointly owned.And I bet his lawyer did tell him to get his a** back in so it doesn't look like abandonment on his part and so he will continue to have rights to your daughter and if he is going to fight to stay in the home and maybe force you out.

Now your WH can be nice and say that he will move out if there is an agreement that you will not file abndonment(only can if he's been away a year in most states)and so you and your D can continue to live there which is in the best interest of the child,not to be uprooted from school,etc or he can be a jerk,try to fight you on who lives where,force you out especially if it is not jointly owned or hope to have the house sold or buy you out of your half or any number of scenarios.All of which I have been facing myself and researching.

If you have any proof of the adultery,then have it handy.Talk to your WH about a Mediator instead of lawyers because this way you can hopefully come to an agreement on all terms without spending tons of money on lawyers who will not be looking out for your best interests necessarily but may just want to drag out the process in hopes of making more money on you both.If he is unwilling then do see a lawyer to protect yourself.Even through a mediator,you can stall or drag your feet if you really do not want a D but it still costs less.

Changing locks on the doors will not do much good.Your WH still can legally enter the home(if jointly owned) and this act may just anger him and make your life more miserable.Also,start collecting important paperwork and make copies or have them in a place that WH can't get to for now.If he is truly determined to file and screw you over,then you have to prepare.

Anyway,that's it for now.Let us know how the discussion goes with WH since he said you can talk more later.It's not clear what he is up to so just beware.Don't sign anything and don't agree to anything yet.**DON'T let him try to change names on bills yet either.

O

I would suggest NOT to let him move back in unless he plans on working on the marriage. Oh boy, my H moved back in...stopped contact weith OW but is still waffling. He hasn't committed toworking on the mariage yet. Well, he says he has now, but I am so fed up...I am better now though...Dont be a doormat for him. If he wants a D then he needs to see what D is like! Be strong! Take the advice!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Octobergirl:
<strong>Don't sign anything and don't agree to anything yet.**DON'T let him try to change names on bills yet either.

O </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hope, listen to this advice!!! Please. And remember, no begging, pleading or lovebusting. Just be polite, firm and civil. Don't agree to anything. If he proposes to move back in, ask lots of questions. Leave nothing unasked and tell him you will think on it and get back to him. Then come here and talk to us.

In the meantime, start checking out attorneys. Do you parents live close by?

<small>[ May 04, 2004, 08:44 PM: Message edited by: MelodyLane ]</small>

Thank you all for your support. Any ideas on the questions I should be asking him?? Even if he claims to be working on the marriage how am I supposed to know if that is true. I know that is not his intention because he wants to take the cell phone out of my name tonight.

Also my parents do live close by. My mom has retained a lawyer on my behalf so I will speak with him this morning. I will check it out and see what can be done. From what I understand if I don't file for D myself then he can move back in at anytime. I feel like I might be stuck here.

**bump** Update - I just spoke with WH and he wants to switch the electric bill in my name this afternoon. I said well didn't you say something about living in the addition and he said "Well I don't know what I am want to do, why?" I said because I don't think it is right to switch all the bills in my name if you are going to be living there with me.

I can't take these ups and downs. He is so insistent about filing but he is so confused that he can't make a simple decision. Still fog??? I hate this I get used to one thing and then we are on to another, and then another, and then another. Roller Coaster indeed.