I visited the website where OW & OM somehow seem to come out like a hero for having an A. One post had the nerve to ask if we are Christians because of the hurt & pain we must endure because of them? Well, I ask them are they Christians? It's somehow OK for them to completely and totally destroy our lives and then act like "they" did nothing wrong. I don't care if WS was married 1 yr. or 50 what right do they have to come in like a thief in the night to take what does not belong to them? Even if WS was unhappy, where do they get off thinking it's their job to somehow "save" them? And then they bring innocent children in the picture and have the nerve to blame us when things turn sour. Just because WS offers doesn't mean you have to go for it, why can't you find someone who is available instead of tearing apart someone's life? The only thing I have to say is, when you are cheated on then maybe you'll know the pain and heartache of what a BS goes through. What comes around goes around.

That's why they are there and you are here.

It's best just to stay away from sites like that.

You are so right. It just made me upset. I suppose when it said that people from this site are judgemental and how can we be Christians it got my dander up.
BTW I never thought I would ever hate or dispise anyone until OW came into my life. I have survived physical, emotional, sexual abuse, financial ruin, losing a child, and growing up in an alcoholic home and all of those things together don't come close to what it was like to find out WS slept with a w**** he met in a bar and got her pregnant.

One of the 10 commandments:
Thou shalt "not" commit adultry.
And,
Thou shalt not covet .....

Here's something to think about.

I know it's so easy to call the OW names and blame everything on her....BUT.....your H has just as much a part in the A as she does.

Anything you might say or feel about the OW....also applies to your H.

Took me a LONG time to realize that....but when I sat down and thought about it I realized that the OW was brought into this situation by my H and he was the one that had to deal with her.....so I made her none of my business. Put her out of my thoughts and focused more on myself and what I wanted.

Really hard to do when the OW gets P though.....I never had to go through that so I can't say that I know how you feel.....but I have an idea.

It's really hard to place the blame on the one that you love....and so much easier to blame the person you know nothing about. Ultimately though.....your H is the one to blame for hurting you.

I went to TOW early on in recovery , and it set me in to a tail spin . NOT only did I continue to HATE OW more (didn't think that was possiable) and will always feel that way ,,, BUT I truely punished my FWS alot at the time of reading there.

It was not a healthy place to go at the time ..NOW I go some times and i still get a a bit pissed off just knowing there are HUMANS out there with a VERY SICK mentality .

BUT just like when WS is in fog they say and do anything to JUSTIFY themself.

I only post once along time ago and said ,,, IF you are so meant to be ,, and MM or MW is so misarable and wants out of there M the THE OW/OM should help them and themself BY CONFRONTING the W/H..

NO one liked that they all said it wasn't there place to do that to INTERFERE LOL

Well then they SHOULDN'T interfear in the M at all and screw the person.

THEY are just scared and lonely pitiful things on the earth . (the ones who enjoy it and brag about it )

They think a BS is nuts for calling them and confronting then (a D-DAY) but the trueth is they can't and don't want to see that the BS just wants to live life with no further LIES .

BS = the"B" means balls to do something

and the OP are cowards hiding out from a D-day knowing that they may have to come out of fantasy land and here that the MP may never intend on being with them ever or never even meant what they said, to them to begin with .

And the blame thing I blame H above all ,,, and I also will BLAME OP and anyone else I found out who lied and help cover the A up to me .

All these people lied and manipulted to HURT me perposely and that is how I see it and always will ..

I do not have to forgive any of those people only my H ... THAT is the person I am repairng my life with .

YES he brought them into all of it but they also had a choice and they choose to HURT ME .

Hi Cyn,

I don't know if you were talking about TOW website but ever since that topic came up again here at MB,I feel like a big scab has been ripped off and I have to start to heal again.I find the existence of that website to be evil here on earth and I do not think we should even bother wasting our time discussing those people that are there.It's sickening.

I wish someone would invent a computer virus just for that site to wipe it away off the windshield of our lives.All it does is promote adultery, nothing more IMO.

O

I have to somwhat agree with Miss Priss. Why blame the OW/OM when it is our spouse who broke the vows of fidelity with us?

I still don't know who the DNA father of my second daughter is. That daughter is now 34 years old and a wife and mother herself. I lay the blame squarely on the sholders of my first wife who should have been loyal to me.

I do blame WS more. However when OW blames me and says this was all my fault I have to wonder just what kind of person she can really be. I am sorry I even visited the other site for OW. They will never get it anyway until they are cheated on and they will ultimately end up here. I do know that WS and I have to work on us without OW even being mentioned which is what I've been doing.

3isacrowd:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I do not have to forgive any of those people only my H ... THAT is the person I am repairng my life with . </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're right, you don't HAVE to forgive anybody. You CHOSE to forgive your H. I chose to forgive both of them. I know it sounds strange. But in my heart, I do forgive her. I understand her motives--she was young and naive and she wanted what I have with H. Not that it wasn't very wrong for her to get involved with him, but I had to let go of the anger. I feel bad for her--especially in the situation she is now--single and pregnant (NOT by anyone I know <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ). I sincerely hope that she finds someone that will love her and be with her 100%, and that she can experience true love one day (with someone not married, I might add <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ).

BTW 3, where is that update you promised? Hmmmmmm? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I agree with Miss Priss! And further more, when we are trying to figure out the OW/OM, we are looking at this project from the very worst POV. Just like them coming here to patch up their A to get the MM to leave his BS! Trying to figure the validity of what they are doing is always going to be void of anything good. They are committing Royal Wrong... (SIN for us foolish Christian)

So, when we check out that site, just get to see the idiocy written out. Trying to follow it will make you try to think like them. I think that you just make yourself more confused/ticked off/ and then you could lose faith in your good accomplishments in your marriage, ...If you aren't there yet- to your goal of HAPPY marriage.

When ever I hear someone whom is "former" WS, and they are going on and defending the 'falling in love' for the other person's spouse while they have a warm one at home, and just don't really see that they are professing a value which perpetuates such behavior, it is just a lost cause to talk and talk about it.

The way you think and the way you act have everything to do with your character. Your integrity keeps things together. Without integrity we fall like spineless jello, whatever way a potential OW/OM would have us.

So what does an OW/OM like? To be in control of the WS. They like the spineless jello, til they get them, and then there is not the same tension. The Bible scorns that wayward women who says, "stolen fruit tastes sweeter!" So, once they own that old fruit, it tastes just like the other fruit. Who needs that kind of thought process.

A good family thrives when we have invested interest in our children and in each other. The H and W who live and love one another as we were always supposed to, will reap the wonderful rewards of having this stable loving relaxed environment to grow and give each other all of the good love in this world that we will need.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> When ever I hear someone whom is "former" WS, and they are going on and defending the 'falling in love' for the other person's spouse while they have a warm one at home, and just don't really see that they are professing a value which perpetuates such behavior, it is just a lost cause to talk and talk about it.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">cardinal...what does it mean that you have "former" in parenthesis here? What does this paragraph mean?....I can't follow it.