FWH had conversation with female co-worker and talked about our marriage (some untruths)protraying it as a bit in trouble .She actually works for him in another city .Did he cross the line into dangerous territory by discussing OUR marriage and me with someone I don't even know. We've had some issues over past month (been in R little over a yr)but not to extent that he sould have found someone to talk about it to .Did he cross a boundary ?

Yes, I'd say so. If there is a problem, he should be talking to you about it. Even if he were talking to another man, what good does that do? Maybe he thinks it's safe because she works in another city, but it still doesn't solve anything for him to talk to someone other than you. Maybe he wants another opinion on something....but the only opinions that should matter are yours and his.
I know that as a FWW, my biggest mistake was not telling my husband that I was unhappy. I also believed, back then, that it would not have helped even if I had. He even admitted to me that it probably wouldn't have....probably because I went about it the wrong way and wasn't persistant enough. I have learned (am still learning) to speak up and he is learning to take me seriously.
How did you find out he talked to her? If he told you himself, then don't focus so much on his talking to her....focus on what it was about and work on that. If you found out from someone else, then you should approach him about it, not so you can browbeat him for talking to her but rather to talk about the problem.

Onlywords

Well - just found e-mail dated 4/21 to her -" hi, great [censored]"
what do we think of that - why can't I stop digging -it's just making me CRAZY!!!!!

KHB5
Yes your H has crossed the line. It may be difficult to convince him of this however. A spouse should never discuss marriage issues with a member of the opposite sex. It creates intimacy even if they exaggerate (and they more than likely are to get extra sympathy)

Has he just crossed the line or had it also started to turn into an affair?

Shirley Glass deifines an Emotional Affair as having three factors:

Secrecy: Doesn't sound like Hubby has been straightforward about this R. Right? 'Nuff said there.

Intimacy: As I said above talking about marriages & relationships leeds to talking about the ideal. More hopes, wishes, desires, laments etc etc. Hubby already passed this test.

Sexual Chemistry: Whether acted upon or not if there is sexual chemistry this is the final necessary component. "Hi, great [censored]" I think qualifies.

How long has he known her?
Is she married?
Is he her supervisor? (can you say sexual harrassment?)

More details.

cwmac

Here's the puzzle so far . Think they met back in April(when he joined the co.) that e-mail was sent during a sales conference -I had flown in , went to co. cocktail party and took him to dinner for his b'day and flew home the 20th . They had co. party again the night I left and then the e-mail a day or 2 later . He is her boss, in fact he's boss to a ton of people !! one other e-mail June 4th a little suggestive but not much else . Did you read about phone conversation I was worried about . well it's this woman adn no I don't think she's married . H has erection problems (diabeties) so not worried about him doing the deed .But emotional affairs or in fact any kind of flirting -or whatever you call it is crossing .
After renewing vows in Nov. can't believe I'm here again. Do you think he's a sociopath of sorts -was reading and he fits maybe half of characteristics !!

khb5,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Well - just found e-mail dated 4/21 to her -" hi, great [censored]"
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Someone doesn't send another woman an e-mail that says "hi, Great [censored]" unless there has been some sort of intimate contact where he feels comfortable saying that.

Your husband is guilty, of what who knows? At the very least he is guilty of sexual harrassment of an employee. That could cost the company they work for tons of money, especially if she keeps the email for evidence. The company I work for had to pay out between $300,000 and $500,000 each to 3 women who complained about their boss. What is your husband thinking...he could lose his job.

Maybe he is trying to prove his "manhood" because of his other problem. But why not just try to prove it to you.

I know you are in a pretty tough spot right now. But if he is hitting on other women, you are not "safe". Just keep your eyes open. I would probably leave but at the very least I would let him know that I will not tolerate that behavior even if it is in "fun," especially if he has crossed that line before. He should always think about you and how you will feel before he does something like that. Would he like another man sending you an e-mail that says "hi, Great [censored]?" I imagine he would be livid.

Best of luck to you.

Cathy