OM was served Friday. He responded by becoming angry and snotty.

SIL contacted me Friday evening & we sat up all night catching up (top secret meeting). Here are some of the main points:

Sparrow's whole family has turned against her.
Grandma said to SIL, "I never want to see him."

Sparrow is sick w/a bad cold. She has her own place in the city and had plans to meet OM's family at somebody's cabin this weekend, but still for some reason talked about spending the weekend at her mother's (MIL is out of town). She's acting a little strange, SIL tells me, which is nothing new. But still she repeats the mantra, "Everything's fine." Don't know where she wound up for the weekend.

SIL met the sparrow and OM at a concert two weeks ago and SIL tore OM a new one. Said "You aren't half the man [GC] is." Said, "You'll never be a part of our family. You'll always be the scumbag who abandoned his pregnant wife and child." Apparently OM is very meek and wimpy and shriveled under this attack. Also SIL got the sparrow to admit in front of OM that she and I were very happy together. OM became downcast.

OM is completely broke & has major credit card debt. He and sparrow have not been extravagant, but SIL tells me that when they go out, sparrow always pays.

Sparrow behaves in an almost maternal way with OM, and seems to wear the pants in the relationship.

I'm Trying to prepare to be served, though I don't know it's going to happen soon, just suspect and fear that it is.

GC

Don't worry about being served, GC. It's an overrated experience. It will give you a few more new cards to play. Changes the dynamics of the game, that's all.

graycloud -

What is the sparrow thinking? This is completely crazy. That is good that family sides with you. My WH's family and I were always close, but they don't have the guts to stand up and say anything.

I think leaving a pregnant wife is very unmanly. That has got to be the lowest of the low.

I second leaving a pregnant wife is very unmanly, but then again I am a little biased when it comes to that!

Unmanly is right. His excuse for getting his W pregnant is pitiful. He didn't want another child. He has said his W "forced" him into it. What a wimp.

Sparrow's family is not in much contact with me anymore, but I'm glad their feelings are not changed. They've proven themselves a damned righteous group of people.

MIL called sparrow a few nights ago and launched into her. She's dishonored her father's memory and has become a total disappointment, stuff like that.

I went to listen to "Revolver" tonight and discovered that sparrow has taken all the Beatles CDs. RRRRRRR.

A.M., thanks for the reassurance about getting filed on. I'm working on my PBL, though still undecided. Thinking of calling a locksmith though.

GC

GrayCloud, I'm glad to hear the Sparrow's family is putting some pressure on her. I think this will be an enormously big thing after awhile, maybe not immediately but if it is followed through on I think the sparrow will start to see through some of her fog.

As far as my own situation, WW is supported by her family. Of course they only have her side, but they are all serial divorcies, and the children are mostly delinquents and drug users. Her Mom is dead, and her father is on his fourth marriage, all ended in affairs.

So no help on my horizon.

<small>[ July 05, 2004, 10:12 AM: Message edited by: 1Family Man ]</small>

After hearing about other people's ILs I feel very lucky. I'll continue to encourage them to keep the pressure on, when I do hear from them. I hope my MIL contacts me sometime soon. I don't feel I can call her anymore though. It's too upsetting for her.

At what point does someone in a family full of drug users and serial divorcers start to wonder, maybe there is something screwed up about us?

Hang in there 1FM. I feel crummy today. My parents are coming to visit for a while today; they live about 2 hrs away. Every time I talk to her my mother gives me the old "Do you want us to come?" Yeah, Mom. I'll lie on the floor sucking my thumb and you can sit there with your arms around me. I had to let them come for a visit finally. Don't get me wrong, my folks are the best. But my whole life goes on pause if they come around to give me sympathy. I think this visit is more for them than for me.

GC

Graycloud - Try to enjoy your parents visit. That is what mom's do. It will be good for you to be around someone who loves you.

Reassure them that you have a plan (MB), and will get through this.

And I don't care what that wimp says about how his wife got pregnant. A real man would stay and take care of mother and child. Sorry, I don't buy any excuse.

Familyman- I know how you feel. My WW's family is the same way. In fact, her mother and stepfather got together in an affair. He abandoned his family for WW's mother. They can't really sit there and say what you are doing is wrong (well, they could if they had morals) when they did it themselves. It makes it soo much harder when WW's family doesn't try to help at all. They just support whatever decision she makes with little resistance. Even, WW's friends who I talked to think it is wrong, but don't say what the hell are you doing? Go back to your husband etc. If things were turned around, my family and friends would be saying that to me guaranteed. My family would have also called her to console her etc. Do we live in bizarro world or what? All I know is that the next woman I am in a relationship with must have a good relationship with her father and belief in marriage as forever. Well, WW used to say that about marriage, but I guess she couldn't stop the cycle of her family. Sins of the father I guess.

****Response deleted at members request (posted on wrong thread)***********

<small>[ July 05, 2004, 01:36 PM: Message edited by: Justuss ]</small>

Sorry, my last post was meant for another thread. Moderator please delete above post.

Mfisher, TY. This is really Gray's thread and didn't mean to thread jack.

I Have considered some of those suggestons already and think they are valid, but reluctant to force her away from me or the kids, even though that is probably what it will take.

Praying every day and night it won't come to that.

Gray, enjoy your parents visit. Mine are both passed away. Would love to have my Dad to talk too. I know though how hard it is to focus on those things with the cyclone that is whirling in your head.

My folks have come and gone. They brought my old dog and tons of food. Mom.

I actually have a relevant question about recent events. Yes, it may be mental wanking, but here it is.

On Friday my W removed some items of mine from her mother's basement and brought them to our house. The items have been there for nine years and took up virtually no space. Nobody ever mentioned them to me.

So let's analyze. Did she return these things because she truly wants nothing to do with me, or did she return them because she is fighting herself and wants to eliminate anything that might trigger thoughts about me?

Ah, who knows? She was probably down there to get an old lamp or something to stick in her new place and just noticed the things and grabbed them. It just seems like more acting out in a way, is all.

GC

greycloud,

I have been following your story. I first want to say I *love* your "pet" name for your W - sparrow. That is SO PRECIOUS!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I also wanted to comment on your WW's recent actions. Don't worry about her removing some of your stuff from MIL's basement. Don't try to analyze what they do in their fog-laden condition. There is no logic to what they do.

You mentioned three possible reasons she might have done what she did. I'd venture to say it's prolly ALL of those reasons, and NONE of those reasons! As I said, there's only alien fog brains giving them their logic these days.

I mean, just look at the facts: Your W is with a broke, LOSER wimp who was "tricked" into getting his W preggers then LEFT her to steal another man's W, and wreck TWO homes?!?!?! Oh, YEAH!!! She's thinking straight!! This is a match made in heaven.

Uh, huh. Sure! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Keep working on YOU. Keep yourself healthy. It'll pay off in time.

God Bless,

Thanks, Lupo; of course you're right. It's inexplicable sometimes. Like the way she sends notes and emails and the end of each one contains a little grenade - bringing OM to to house to get her things, going to meet OM's family, emptying my stuff out of her mother's house... it's all alien behavior. My IC, who is a MFC and whose shelves have all the relevant stuff - After the Affair, Torn Asunder, etc. - even had to pick her jaw up off the floor when I described this stuff. Maybe it was for my benefit, but it just goes to show... not much use analyzing this stuff.

I feel better now that I've organized my finances and started looking at my budget. I don't quite know where I stand yet, but it's all a bit less scary when you feel you have some measure of control over your life. I feel well enough to take a break and go to the movies. Later,

GC

well i'm back in town and just trying to get caught up on some threads. first i wanted to point out that yes a real man would stay and take care of his W and child but i think it takes a man to also stay and take of his W regardless of the children situation, of course i'm biased. even though i believe in my heart that my H is a good person, he keeps saying how he wasn't a man in our M and seems to be saying that for the first time he feels like a man, which is of course leaving me because i wasn't the wife he needed. i know that now but how can i show him otherwise unless he gives me a chance?

gray, just wanted to reiterate some things that you have going for you, the OM is M w/a child on the way and IL's that support you and not your W. so when you get down and think things look bad, sometimes think of your situation compared to others and maybe that might help lift you up. just a thought, prayers to you, RR