I posted the original "thread" about 2 weeks after "D-Day". No one ever responded. I was hurt, b/c I was looking for "validation" from other "BS's" and maybe to give some *HOPE* to anyone who "wanted"it. This whole situation does have 2 sides and in the middle for any of WS and BS in the pain of trying and working at resoring our M.
I by no means am authority on EA's, M, Depression .... it's only been by Life's Lessons (and some of them are harder than others).
I've been reading "threads" for like a month now ... I have found there are people in pain and in misery (Mamma used to say "misery loves company!"). I felt that I would like to say it again and maybe give someone *HOPE* (Maybe not just for their M, but for themselves).
I just need to "RANT" alittle ... b/c I don't give too much, too often (ask my H - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> )
PS the only responses I got in this Forum were to my painful "threads"
Please don't forget a Hopeful "thread" every so often ...
Thanks in advance to any and all who *DO* respond.
------------------------------------------------- "I told my therapist tonight about my H's EA. I think she was as shocked as I was. She knows how painful the last 3 1/2 years have been and what measures I have taken to heal - myself -my marriage - my family and all while dealing with chronic depression and being married to a Compulsive Gambler. Oh boy, what a roller coaster ride it has been. And now, to deal with this. (A lot more pain ahead).
I asked the biggest question I think I have ever asked her ... I figure she should be qualified to answer it .... Can I handle this? Am I strong enough to go through this? I am strong enough to be this vunerable (now or ever again)? From her professional opinion ... YES. And like any "good" therapist, they cannot and will not advise anyone to leave their marriage - not even when "abuse" is involved. And she has not done that at any point in my therapy. She's recognized my true qualities and my commitment to being well - in myself - in my marriage - in my family. We both agree (and so does my H), I've come along way ... and I am doing "amazing" (quoted from my H). I had to know if I could be supported and support myself emotionally and mentally. I "didn't know". I got my answer. But as far as the "should's" and "could's", it's up to me and my H.
He will be seeking his own therapist (tommorrow is the cut-off date for that action). He tried to get help when I had my breakdown .... not being a "communicator" .. the style of "what do you think?" and "what do want?" ... just didn't work for him. He tried to go a therapist that was recommended by mine. He went about 3 x's and bounced the payments (the therapist was not about to continue and be an "enabler" to his CG), but her style was better for him (the Kick your [censored] kind of therapist). His next therapist was directly for the Gambling. It didn't feel right, b/c I think my H knew there was more than that "wrong" with him. (The H will being calling the last therapist to see if he can refer him to someone better suited to him). And of course there was the OW ... she listened, advised, and talk to him .... So in a warped way atleast he was "talking", just to the wrong woman.
I have hoped that my "survial" would inspire him to take this next step.... b/c it was important to me to show him and the world I could do this and I didn't (we didn't) have to spend the rest of our lives miserable and in pain. You see, my H had to make the calls to the professionals when I had my breakdown. I have thanked him for saving my life. I couldn't even make the call - I couldn't even "scream" for "help" anymore. I've discribed to him it was like "tidal wave came crashing down against a wooden door". And once the flood gates opened up, there was no controlling the emotions or the pain. It was so unbearable. At that point I could understand why people commit suicide. (This was never an options for me since my father might have done just that .... he had a one car accident with a tree ... no skid marks). I think that made things even harder for me, b/c that meant "I HAD TO DEAL WITH IT" (and so did my family). I still don't really know how it works - talk therapy (was I having an EA w/ my therapist? - just kidding). But it has been extremely beneficial to me and my life. I tried this "therapy" about 4x's (at 17, 23 and 34 (with another group and with my therapist of 3 1/2 years). We even tried a MC for about 6 visits - we laugh now b/c we "agreed" to go to him and we "agreed" to stop - might've the onlt 2x's we "agreed". It was really bad - not suited for us and our problems at all.
I'm in alot pain guys ... but I know the sun will rise and set tomorrow (I hope so anyway).
**HOPE**."
Sorry this thread is so long (new and old) ..... I "needed" to "rant".....
I always say "I'm not dead yet, so there must be "hope". And tonight I gained alittle more hope, b/c I am capable and strong and I can do this. Let's "hope" my H can tooooo!
Moral of the story >>>> there are "good " therapists and there are bad .... if you know something is wrong in you ... keep looking for the "right" one that can help you - Stress Management, Marriage, Anger Management, Depression, Addiction, etc. I went into therapy w/ the stats that average life expectancy is 65 -85 .. I coudl put up w/ this S*&# for another 30 - 40 years.
"Hang in there -- God isn't finished with you yet!!"
