Last night I had just found out more info about H's plans with OW. Just couldn't handle it last night. Started weeping and just couldn't stop. Messed up everything. Big LB, I'm sure. Is this death to a plan A? Or do I just start over today and hope not to do that again?

Another question for someone who knows more than me - Is this 4 or 5 hour weeping session an indication that I am on too much AD? or too little? Anybody have experience with this?

not even close to plan a death...

everyone falls off the plan a wagon..

heck some fall off the plan B wagon... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

just start again
and again
and again...

ark

Honey, I messed up Plan A about once a week for 4 1/2 months. You do the best you can. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and try, try again. Don't worry about crying. I think WSs need to see the pain they are inflicting.

Hi,

In the beginning I cried a lot. Who wouldn't. Cryed for months. Still cry sometimes. You cannot help it. You are human. Husband always walked away. He said I cryed for stupid reasons. I said anything can trigger the pain I feel inside. WH's cannot understand while they are in fog. They will see later if they come out of the fog and then they will feel bad for the pain they caused.

Thanks for the answers. I know that crying is a big LB for men. The funny thing is, I cried when I first confronted him about the A. He denied it, I believed him, and haven't cried since, until last night. I don't know why that one night was so devastating to me. Maybe it was just a buildup that had to get out somehow. Or maybe it really was the meds. Anyone have a comment about the ADs? Too much? Too little?

I know that crying is a big LB for men
Huh? It is? Where did you hear this?
(this is something to think about)

Chris, I have been looking for the answer to your question. I can't find where I read it. I know I did read it somewhere - but I don't remember where. Maybe I am confusing it with another website I visited before coming to this one. I do know my H used to leave when I would cry. (Which I really haven't done in years) He didn't know how to react, and so would just leave. I think I can safely say it is a LB for my H, at least. Is that not generally true for others?

Hi,

I think for me, My husband would always say that I cried for stupid reasons. He said he was not gonna pet me when I cried. He would laugh at me, or walk away. That would make me cry harder. I felt I needed to be comforted and told everything would be alright and I would have stopped. I cried because of the pain deep in my heart. He did not understand it. I do not see how AD would make you cry. Sometimes when something hurts too much you can't cry. Maybe the AD released some of the pressure so that you could cry.

I am so afraid it will happen again. I just couldn't seem to control it - and I am a very strong person. I guess that sometimes the hopelessness sets in and I think too much. I am going to try to distance myself from all this a little bit and see if it helps. Some days it's harder than others. I keep my hopes up and read read read and come to this site for encouragement and calming, soothing inspiration. But every now and then it just is too much. I have been Plan Aing my rear off for four months (as best I can) and sometimes the wrong thing comes out of my mouth and I blow it and have to start over again. He probably sat there the whole evening thinking"Why do I have to put up with this weeping woman? Wish I were with OW right now. She only smiles and laughs and besides, she's thin and young and pretty." He knows I am on ADs, so I blamed it on that. But I wonder if the meds do have something to do with it?

well starz four months of plan A

good for you...
hows your lovebank
what is your time limit
and have you written your plan b letter?

Is he still in contact
are you two in counseling...

plan a works best when followed by plan b if needed....

ARK

I was trying to point out that crying, by itseff is not a lb.
If you cry because he did something, he will feel the guilt.
Is it a LB? Well, maybe, maybe not. But with all the crapola going on now, it's best to try & avoid it if possible.

If you cry during a movie or funeral or something like that, it should not be a lb at all.

Ark - sorry it took me so long to answer - I had to work a little - can't MB all day! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Lovebank fills up every time we spend time together - I can keep going a good while longer as long as I can "top off the tank" a little every now and then. (How pathetic is that?)

Don't have a time limit right now. Confrontation in March (he said he would NOT give her up) We still live together. Fairly platonic <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I didn't discover MB until late May.

I have not written a plan B letter, because we still live together and I am not ready for plan B. My plan A is not doing a lot of good, but I keep trying. I want him to see me in the best possible light. Because when push comes to shove, I want to look good in his eyes. I am, however, going to reread SAA this week and see what else I should be doing.

He is a cake eater - no doubt about it - but I am doing the best I can with my particular circumstances. I do think Plan A is making me stronger in every way. I have improved many bad habits in the 4 months since I came here. He can see the improvement, he just doesn't care. I am learning to be calm and controlled - I was not calm or controlled in March when I confronted him. I wish I had known what not to do. I am learning to rely on myself more Some things can't be rushed... I do feel frustration - I am a person who has very little patience normally - I want things done NOW - but I am learning since coming here that sometimes I just have to wait and keep on being the best person I can be. I hope I answered your questions. Didn't mean to evade any - just may have forgotten what some of them were since starting this reply.

<small>[ September 10, 2004, 09:35 AM: Message edited by: starz ]</small>

Chris - Thank you for your reply. I hope he feels guilt, but I don't know - he is so lost in the fog he can't find Guilt Street. A good long drive down it would do him a world of goodm, I think. I read here, however, that many WS do not feel guilt until after the A and withdrawal is over. I don't know - I'm not there yet.

hi starz.....just my thought on the AD question you asked. Im on Zoloft now for 6 weeks. It takes 3 or 4 weeks to kick in. For those 3 to 4 weeks, i was crying. Now that i am 6 weeks on it, it seems to be helping with the crying. Lately i have found even when i start crying, i can get a hold of myself more quickly.

I think i have cryed once in the last week and half.

Anyway, everyone is different , and i don know if i answered your question or not. I would see your doctor if you have been on them long, and dont see an improvement.

take care
A/C0810

I've been on Welbutrin since early June. I know they have helped me control my rage and anger to a point that I can Plan A. (I was so d*** mad I couldn't even Plan A before that) But I have not had a weeping episode before now. That's why I was concerned - it was very unusual behavior for me. I really haven't cried at all since my initial discovery of the A