I finally got a separation agreement drafted up and called the WW to tell her that we need to meet and discuss it. I know I should have done a separation agreement before PB, but....hindsight is 20/20.

WW asks me what about what you had written in the PBL (not wanting a D..NC w/ OM etc)? I told her we need to get an agreement on these issues and that this can be recognized by the court for a D.
I start to hear her sniffle, the she cries and said "I just don't want it to be the way it was." I told her it wouldn't be. She said you haven't talked to me in four months. I refered her to the PBL and told her no contact w/ OM is the reason. I have sent the WW the same PBL again last week since I felt the need to reinforce the NC.

I am going to keep working on getting the separation agreement signed by her. Then wait a month or so and go for a D to protect my children, myself and other family members. WW's family is divided over her A and coming to grips with it. Both of her brothers don't understand what she is doing and are upset a their parents for letting her move back in to live with them will she runs around. Her parents are just in denial I feel.

r

WW asks me what about what you had written in the PBL (not wanting a D..NC w/ OM etc)? I told her we need to get an agreement on these issues and that this can be recognized by the court for a D.
Well, what about these issues?
Are you just gonna divorce regardless of what she does?

Did you ever post the Plan B letter here?
If not, how about doing it now?

<small>[ September 07, 2004, 05:33 PM: Message edited by: Chris -CA123 ]</small>

Chris -CA123,

thanks for the reply!

Yes, I did post a PBL here for review.

If she were to agree to NC, with a NC letter approved and sent by me I would reconsider working on the M.

But, WW has repeatedly said she would do the above and never has, and the contact has continued.

Do you think should I reopen talking to her about reconciliation instead of proceeding with separation, or?

Can you get a separation agreement and still continue in Plan B? You haven't been in Plan B long enough.

Did you post the letter under a different username? I can’t find it.

Plan B is no contact. It’s not tracking what she does/ doesn’t do. You should leave her be.

Do you think should I reopen talking to her about reconciliation instead of proceeding with separation
At this point, why does it have to be reconciliation or separation? Why can’t it be discussion about ending the affair?

You should let her know that you are separating for everyones protection. Don’t tell her you are doing it to keep from getting screwed over by her or that it will simply make a divorce easier (even if it will do this).

You don’t have to be ready to reconcile (or even be ready to discuss it) for Plan B to end. Ideally, this is what will happen but it is not “required”.
In the letter, you should have told her you will resume contact when she ends the affair. Again, this doesn’t necessarily mean you will reconcile/discuss it.

Chris -CA123,

My PBL was under a prior name: end it?, member# 34532 and approx 3 yrs ago I used the name Positive.

The following is the PBL I gave her:

Here it is guys:

.....I love you,

You asked me not long ago why I wanted to love you. Well, when we first met, I saw a young girl with a beautiful smile. When I saw you for the first time on the balcony outside of that apartment 26 years ago I new you were the one.

You must undertand I married you for life and I want to stay married to you. I am willing to do what it takes to be the husband you've always wanted and to address the things I did wrong in our marriage.

The affair is so painful for me that it will destroy any love I have for you. In order to protect those feelings I must end all contact with you.

When the affair is over I would love to talk with you about our future. Until that time please respect and understand my wish for no contact whatsoever In an emergency you can reach me through my brother at ........

Love,

Chris -CA123 you bring up some good questions but, I am not sure how to handle/respond, mmm....

I should have made the statement in the PBL about </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> you will resume contact when she ends the affair </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">, should I write another with this statement.

Part of me wants to set down w/ WW and let it </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> be discussion about ending the affair?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Do you think it would be a good idea to talk with her about this? She did seem surprised that I wanted to get a legal separation from her. This I don't understand, since she has been in the A for about 4 years of and on... She had asked me not long ago "why won't you talk to me?" It's as if she doesn't understand the PBL or??? I have asked her "what do you want from me?" but, she did not reply.

I don't think you need another PBL.
It could have been a bit better but I think it was acceptable.

I think that you could have a short discussion with her about the separation. Let her know why you are doing it (as I said above).

had asked me not long ago "why won't you talk to me?" It's as if she doesn't understand the PBL or???
I don't see a problem with reiterating the Plan B stuff (you love her & don't want a divorce but her affair hurts you, therefore you will not have contact until she ends her affair.)