Dont even know where ro start. I have been going thru this far to long and frankly can not stand myself right now. According to my WH we are seperated..but he is here every afternoon and every other weekend when my step children visits. And I still do everything a wife in a committed relationship does. Should have been in Plan B about a year ago but our lives have taken hit after hit, we have been hanging on for sheer survival. Sorry if I am rambling but I am absolutely beside myself right now, I am having a hard time catching my breathe.

So why is the [censored] gonna hit the fan tonight. Well I got a phone call today from my step kids mom and she told me to tell WH to not even bother to come get his kids next visitation because he takes them around his girlfriends. She proceeded to tell me he took his son (my stepson) to OW2 kids b-day party tonight. She told me the kids are uncomfortable because "Daddy is married to Lisa" and they feel like they have to cover up for him. Well I called WH and he didnt know he hit the accept button on his cell phone and proceeded to hear him and OW2. Then I did what I swore I would never do I called OW2 on her cell and when she answered I asked her how was the party and was she having a good time with my WH. She laughed and hung up on me. That just pissed me off so I sent her a text message that read "Well I guess its your turn tonight, with OW1 in Mexico, but wait what about OW3." She then called me and told me to stop starting trouble. I said me start trouble you are the one with my husband. She said your marriage was way over before I met him. I said oh yea well I am married to him and intend to stay that way. He knows he can go anytime but he hasnt made a move yet. Then I went on to say if you think you are so special you are sadly mistaken. I guess he tells you we dont sleep together either. Well that got her attention. I then said OW1 didnt think we slept together either until I got pregnant last year. Told her I had plenty of texts from WH about how he feels about me and our situation,if she wanted to see them. She told me to send them to her. So I did. I only sent about 7 to her still have plenty more. Well she texted me back and said I am not playing this game-stop sending the texts. I texted no game they are for real. You asked for them. Have a good night.

I know this will be the end of my marriage but I havent had a marriage since the day we were married almost. I hope someone is out there to talk to me because I am alone with my 3 kids sleeping upstairs and I am not doing so well right now.

Thanks

Lisa

It's gonna be OK, Lisa

I talked with "our" OW today, too. It feels good for now, but others have said that it blows up in your face.

What is the worst that could happen? This won't end your M...maybe it will end some of his A's, though, wouldn't that be good? Exposing him to ALL, including ALL OW's is a very very good thing to do, Lisa. He won't like it, but then again, you don't like his A's.

If you talk to OW's again, remember they are all foggified to the hilt, and will all say ridiculous things to make it "okay" to be with someone else's husband.

Don't be afraid of what he will say, Lisa. You did him a favor. Maybe it will shake some cobwebs in his head.

What,

Thank you, I hope it does something to him. All he has been telling me for about a year is "I feel I am in this so deep I dont know how to fix it." DUH!!! Just more excuses for this situation to continue. I cant tell you how little self-respect I have for myself right now.

The past two years have been horrendous. We have a business together which we almost lost along with our vehicles and home. Hence the Chapter 13 filing. I have felt so trapped here I cant stand it anymore. He is on the verge of losing everything and he doesnt seem to care. His ex told me tonight she wont give him the kids anymore because she does not want the children around him. She said she is going to court to for sole custody. She is married and doing okay. Not crazy about her somewhat of a whack job but then again I only know what WH has told me.

I have been following your story, I read here everyday but dont post much because I feel like a big a-hole. Anyway you sound verg good and strong and I will be praying for you and your family.


Lisa

Lisa

Keep posting here... it helped me SOOOO much. I was a basket case for months, ebery one has there own path, you have hung in there for so long now. Isn't it time for Plan B? Would that work with your business? I don't know how I could stand it! You ARE so much stronger than you think! You're up there with Believer time-wise!

I hope that the Ex does file for sole custody. He needs to FEEL the consequnces of what he is doing to his family. Boy, when this catches up with him, he is gonna feel like cr*p! Maybe you'll be there when he comes crawling out of the mess???

Lisa -

I don't blame you for feeling so down. Your husband is acting very poorly.

It might be good to detach a little from what is going on. Otherwise you may lose your love for him.

What,

Thanks for your kind words. I feel anything but strong right now. WH keeps telling me how selfish I am and what a drama queen I am. Amazing how they perceive everything. It would be very hard to Plan B, we run our business from our home. WH just left and of course we had words. I told him what his ex said about next visitation and he said I dont care. I have done nothing wrong. Then of course he threatened me-He said If I find out you called her or said anything to her about this situation, me and you have big problems. I said I didnt say anything to her she already didnt know. I also said whats the difference we already have big problems. It is just so frustrating how they act.

Believer,

I wish I would lose all love for him..I think this would be so much easier.


Lisa

HI, was thinking of you the other day , funny you should post .

I was hopeing you where off the board because things where getting themselves in order , I can see that there has been no change .

I know you already know that its not a good thing that you are standing still in this position for so long. And I don't want to come down on you , but are you PLANNNING yet to make some move ?

I think what ever it is at this point needs to be drastic , nothing minor will work .

changeing the locks? NOT running the bussiness at the same time together ?

YOu in the day him in the night or afternoon ?

Something , move ? Put bussiness in your name cut his money off?

And the OW2 , she sounds alot like the one I had in my FWS life in the begining .

THE hole your M has been over long time ago .

I would hook her up to OW1 . Or hook OW1 with her cell .

And give him the big problem he says , you know he has always made the threats and talk the talk ,, but girl look at him he can't make a decion even when his life depends on it ..

He will keep this situation forever , because any child who has to do nothing for themself will always just continue to do nothing ..

And the logic has it why should they ? YOu ar mantanning the bussiness he reeps the reward , you pay all on time he reeps the reward, you take care of the house the kids he reeps the reward .

I know you are a strong intellegent women and you know that as well ,,, SO find a way and there has to be ,,, to take a firm stand .

Are you worthy of more from a R and a M ? YES you are .

Should you be living like this ? NO you should not .

I thought after the chapter 13 you said, things where moving in a positive direction with business that you where moving to PLAN B or D .

What has changed ? and the XW could maybe work to your bemifit , she sounds strong enough to take a stand to protect her kids from his recless way of life and not allow them to be apart of this IMORRAL behavior .

BE well girl , and YOU know that I feel for ya and that I agree this is hard , but your standing still .... and I would love for you to get on with your life one way or another .

3

3isa,

Hello my sister, I think of you so often and I read everything you post. Hope the family is well.

You are exactly right but I have been paraylzed. My Chapter 13 has not been confirmed yet and just about every aspect of my life has been under a microscope regarding that. It has been so draining and most of my attention has gone toward that and my children. Yes business is doing well and we have rebuilt it together. I guess in the back of my head I have been thinking if WH saw how we did this together maybe it would make him realize what he was doing. I guess just wishful thinking.

I can not help him anymore. He thinks I have betrayed him by talking to his ex. He just doesnt realize he has betrayed himself. He has admitted to me he thinks he has a problem but doesnt know what to do. He has texted me so many different feelings the past 3 months. Also he has been off his paxil for 2 months now. He is absouletly unbearable to be around sometimes and sometimes he wonderful to be around. I really think there is something medically going on with him also. I dont know, I have just tried to get everything together, to have some type of normalacy in my household. I feel like such a failure.


Lisa

Family is good thanks for asking .

Your not a failure , thats exactly why you need to take some seriuos action .

Being in this with WS in the state he is in will/is bringing you down ....

Being in his world is not healthy, and gives the feel of deprestion, failure and well just an all around blow to ones self-esteem .

I will not say well if I where you I would do this or that ,,, you should know from knowing my story I am not a person to speek that way cause yes I did alot of things to save my M that where not the "MB" WAY .

Not all of witch I am saying are right either , I put myself through alot of PAIN being hard headed LOL .

I gambled it worked .

Well I am trying only to help ya think of different angels to go with , maybe some that might be alittle much or things ya are scard of doing .

BUT , the one thing that holds true from being here and you should see this by now is a PLAN is needed .

JUst exsisting and keeping up the normal ever day stuff won't work .

IT won't work to save the M nor will it work to getting him away from you . Witch ever you want .

I know we do not control the actions of others or this would be a cake walk ... BUT the control of ones self is whats needed here .

You need to take a leap at this point , for you and your sanity .

3

Wow..what a piece of work this guy is. I can't believe the number of OW's...

I know it's so much easier said than done, but as an outsider, i haven't been through half as much and don't see how you can take much more. He is a compulsive cheater and liar and doesn't seem to want to change.

His Ex confirmed what i'm sure you've been feeling in your gut. Time to make a move. Plan B is in order. I'm so sorry he hasn't woken up, but w/several OW's in the picture, i don't see any hope right now. Maybe that'll change once reality hits.

Best of luck to you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

3isa,

Thanks for your replies. I guess like you say I must decide what I want. This is a man who has bought his children around at least 2OW and maybe a third, not sure. And all he keeps saying to me is that "they are introduced as nothing more than Daddys friends." This is also a man that tells me his children are the most important thing to him. Right now I have to question whether this is just because of so called fog or is this the real person I married.

What I do know right now is everyday I want him to influence my children's lives less and less.

I really feel stuck right now because I can not tell my parents what has been going on. They get so upset and are getting up there in years. They think we have been trying to work thru our problems. That is my fault, I have led them to believe that because they were so upset. Also because I really thought my father would go after my WH. I know for sure if they knew everything that has and is going on my Dad would explode and WH would be on the receiving end. My friends tell me I must get him out of our lives. I just wish there wasnt so much other stuff going on financially because I think I might be able to be more proactive if there wasnt.

Anyway I will post more later...gotta get my day started.