Some background: Married 2 years yesterday, together almost 5 years. Been having troubles for almost year, H had EA starting in April 04 and ended 9/5/04. Came back saying he would work on our marriage, but still wasnt in love with me and didnt think it would work. I have noticed things getting better and we seem to be moving forward, but still things are strange.

Well, having a lot of time to think ...here are some questions I pondered:

To keep our marriage going, we are constantly feeding our spouses needs...but what about ours??
We fill up their "love bank" as they continue to take away from ours??
**So, how do we keep going when we get absolutely nothing in return? I was at my last straw this weekend...I was ready to just walk away...there was no love left for H anymore...I was way too hurt and didnt feel I deserved all this sh**! So now that H is willing to work on our marriage, do I ask him to start filling up my love bank and letting him know what things would do that? Honestly, what do I do here?? I can look at him and know I love him, but lately, just not feeling much of anything and after this weekend, what I did feel, got torn away....

I know we need to start communicating so much better, kind of been letting that slide because I was afraid to push him away, but now Im ready to say we need to do this or Im gonna want out. Im tired of crying every day, tired of getting hurt so much....I have worked so hard on ME the past 6 months and have gained my self-worth and self-confidence and have realized just what I do deserve and its not to be treated like this, I dont want to go back to where I was before...thinking I needed a man to be happy....I dont need that anymore and I dont want him to bring me back to that place...

Is it okay to start asking for my needs? Should I start talking to him about the affair or asking him what his needs were being met by her??
I really want us to develop a stronger marriage, and communication is one of our biggest downfalls...so is now a good time to talk??

Anybody want to help me out here??

Hi newhopes,

i wanted to bump this up for you. I don't feel like i am the best to try to help you so all i can do is bump it so others might see it. i know it's hard when you are new to not get a response, just don't give up on the board too quickly it really can help you. good luck!

maybe posting more information would help. maybe you already have in a different topic, i don't know. tell us about your marriage, do you have kids? how old are you both? are you in MC (marriage counsoling)? is that something you have considered?

hi newhopes.....

although im not in this stage in my R, WW is still in fog and middle of A, i will try. It sounds like your H is going through withdrawl. you should do a seach on what withdrawal is and how to deal with it. Many say that it is worse than when the A was on-going. I have not been there yet so i dont know but that is what it sounds like.

hope this helps

bump.... anyone else??