SML

This stinks, that's for sure. He is feeding you fogfodder. Scary thing, is that he believes this stuff in order to make himself feel justified and right about what he is doing. Fogman didn't realize or imagine that we weere all hurting until like, last month when the light started shining thru his infamous fogmaster brain. Either learn to babble back, or avoid contact. Plan B is the ticket for me. If you do talk DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE OW OR YOUR R AT ALL. Do not hurt him in any way AT ALL. This comes straight from SH and it has helped me immensely. If he picks a fight, change the subject every time. Trust me, just try it awhile and see what happens. He will definitely notice. Do something different, SML. Otherwise, he will cake-eat indefinitely. He is still the H you love somewhere in that fricking fog.

SHMI,
I plan on trying not to mention OW or our R right now. It's so hard though. It hurts so much that he left us but feels it's ok to continue calling her everynight for over 2 hours at a time. I need to learn to babble back. I think a lot of the times I bring up OW and he gets defensive then says things to hurt me and that also makes him not want to do NC just to show me he can do what he wants. So I need to stop that. The best thing I can do right now is just talk to him only if it is important. Also even though I miss him and would love to have him here this weekend. I am dreading it... He is still having a affair. I feel if he comes home it's more or less getting his feel of us and then going back there. I don't think anything is going to change that way. I may just drop them off to him for the day on Saturday so he doesn't come home. I know it will hurt to see him go again on Sunday.

Right now I am focused on him and her constantly.. I just need to find things to get my mind off of it. My kids help but when they go to bed it's the worst. I am left to fight with my own movies in my head. I will make it though. I will show him with or without him I can survive.

Good for you SML! Be super pleasant and no fighting, then see what you want to do this weekend. Can you just ask him? Say that staying at home is not really an option now because it causes me pain, so here is my idea "------", then see what he says.

When he says he doesn't want to hurt you, he means "I don't think I am hurting you", as unbelievable as that may sound right now. He is illogical at the moment, so don't take anything to heart and hang in there, OK?

I forgot another comment for you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
Right now I am focused on him and her constantly.. I just need to find things to get my mind off of it. My kids help but when they go to bed it's the worst. I am left to fight with my own movies in my head. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It is the nature of the beast while in Plan A limbo. It totally sucks eggs!

I even find myself getting upset when I see "good" dads with their kids. I am a maternity/peds RN and seeing families tears me up inside. Of course, there are lots of other broken families around, but I never thought for a second that ours would be one of them.

SHMI,
Thanks for your advice. I was just sitting here reading some of the old posts on this thread and I realize I keep doing the wrong things. I know I know I know what I need to do... I just got to find a way to make it happen.

I may see how this weekend goes with him here then decide after that. I have a plan B letter ready if I decide that way to go. Do you send the letter to the OW also??? If you do what do you say is the purpose of sending it?

I look at my kids and can see they are hurting and this makes me angry. My youngest son talks to his dad on the phone and begs him to come home. Last night he kept saying if you come home I will share my chips with you. Then when he hung up he looked at me and said Daddy still loves me doesn't he. I said yes .. He said then why doesn't he come home. That breaks my heart... My stepson doesn't say to much. Although he is very protective of me. He is angry with his dad for hurting and constantly asks if he can hug me.

I still love my husband but part of me resents him for what he is making us go through. If he ever wakes up out of this deep fog I know he will regret what he is doing. But until then I will find my strength in my kids, family and God. And also your help here. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

So, you know what you need to do SML. No fighting, no talking about the A, no LB's, no guilt-tripping AT ALL. He WILL notice this, guaranteed. SH reminds us in MC "What is your ultimate goal?" and we both answer "a loving M". Then he says "don't hurt each other".

It does totally stink about how the kids suffer so much. It's almost unbearable. FOGLAND should not involve kids, but it does. Mothers are so protective, it just amplifies the pain. YOU have to be the strong parent and keep it together.

He will regret this cr*p one day, but until then Plan A while around him. Plan B when you are ready (you will know).