Tomorrow is my orthodontic appointment. Should I let my XW work on me now that we are talking a bit? I feel like she will expect me to or ask me. I know it would make her happy and may make her feel closer to me. If she asks me and I say no it may upset her now.

I am not sure what to say to your question but while I was reading your signature it seems you have been going through a lot and I am glad to see even after a divorce there is still hope of fixing things up. Good Luck!

I am sorry I do not have any input to your question but I can not tell by your post what your story is to comment on it.

Bump me

juke, I think you should just go there and see what happens. Prepare yourself for either scenario.

Would you be ok with your wife working on you? Can you keep it casual? Will you be ok if SHE keeps it casual?

Prepare yourself either way, just make sure *you'll* be ok with your decision.

juke,

I know you are going through a lot post divorce but contact with her now will be a continuation of your pre-D battles. May I suggest you do a 6 month Plan B for YOURSELF.

It's the old butterfly theory, you are just holding on too tight. You need to SHOW her the consequences of her behavior as you try to get your head together. You need to give yourself the isolation and distance to properly put your relationship in perspective.

Cliche, but if it's meant to be you will never have to ask if contact is ok. She will beat down your door because she will realize what she so carelessly and selfishly threw aside.

Best of luck, juke

Maddyk- I will be fine if she works on me. In fact, she is the best there and most pain free. I just want her to feel closer to me in some way to remind her of us. On the other hand, I don't want to create a cake-eating scenario. I really don't know what's going on in her head right now.

She came by Saturday and dropped off my last check from the house closing. She was all smiles, gazing into my eyes with adoration, saying how nice it was to see me etc. The question is, is it purely a friendly adoration or something more? If I am so great why can't she pick up the damn phone and call me? Why hasn't she had me over yet? Doesn't she want to keep me on the line forever? It's just weird. Can't read her very well. She seems truly happy to see me, but why doesn't she want to more? I would love a FWW's interpretation on that.

IMO, have somebody else work on you. use words like "it would be easier for me right now, or i would prefer right now,etc." of course use your own words but i think you get the idea...then again, i didn't know you could choose who gets to work on you. wasn't like that when i had braces.

again JMO, i think you need to "stay" away from her more. let her come to you. i realize you have an appt but i kind of think you are being too eager. of course, i have no experience in this and if it were me and my H had actually broke up w/OW i have no idea what i would do or how things would be. continued prayers to you, RR

Cymanca - I don't contact her ever really. Except for last week which was a mistake. It seems like she is coming out of the fog and I feel like I have to be available to talk. Isn't that what I am supposed to do? She is still using my last name too. Like she is holding on to me with that also. She said, "I still use your last name for everything." What is that about?
I feel like she should be beating down my door, but I don't think she is the type to ever do that. She said she wants to take it slow. I guess slow to her is talking for 5 minutes once a week. Wow, we will rebuild our connection fast at that rate. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

juke,

Read what you just posted but pretend it is me asking you for advice. It seems that she has ALL the CONTROLL and POWER because she tells you when she wants to see you. I am not talking about some controlling " mind" game. Would you let a 6 year old drive your car?.. probably not! If you let a 6 year old drive the most important thing in your life , your M, it will only go where SHE steers it. Take the steering wheel and accelerator out of her control!

Women of that age want what they can't have, kind of like a challenge, especially when they have more than one man interested in them, and if they are somewhat immature which she is.

Go to TMCM's sig line and look up the one he has on how to win a woman's heart.

Since you won't Plan B, why not try playing hard to get a little bit. Have you tried that?

Cymanca makes perfect sense with his "being in control analogy".

Hey hey, Juke. Think of it as a love bank transaction. I'd lean towards letting her make the deposit.

If you refuse her, I don't know if she'll understand why. You're in a dance with her now. If she asks to work on you, take a few seconds to think about it quietly, then give her your answer. Make your decision without letting belligerence influence you.

Are you a lighthouse?

GC

juke, honey, sloowwwwww dowwwwwwnnnnnn.

Your wife is showing you a sliver of hope. Slivers hurt and yo have to deal with them carefully or you'll be hurt a whole lot more, maybe even infected! I think it's awesome that you might have this chance..but you are grasping and I fear that you are going to scare her away.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I just want her to feel closer to me in some way to remind her of us. On the other hand, I don't want to create a cake-eating scenario. I really don't know what's going on in her head right now.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're putting too much into this. Even if her working on you engenders all these things...you're still putting too much stock into it. More than is good for you. If you feel totally ok with her working on you then DO NOT MAKE A BIG DEAL OUT OF IT. Just say, "Sure!". Don't assume she'll make assumptions out of what it means. Keep it simple.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She came by Saturday and dropped off my last check from the house closing. She was all smiles, gazing into my eyes with adoration, saying how nice it was to see me etc. The question is, is it purely a friendly adoration or something more? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Does it matter? If you can accept what she is giving you, then do so graciously. If it is more than friendly adoration then she will have to be the one to let you know. No more playing games! Don't let yourself get drawn in, juke, and stop trying to figure it out. The fog may be lifting, but it's not gone. She's confused, you're confused. Let her find her way back to you--don't get caught in the maze yourself. If you're strong, juke, you are in a safe place right now--don't let go of that.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I am so great why can't she pick up the damn phone and call me? Why hasn't she had me over yet? Doesn't she want to keep me on the line forever? It's just weird. Can't read her very well. She seems truly happy to see me, but why doesn't she want to more? I would love a FWW's interpretation on that.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Patience, juke. Can you see how you are letting yourself be drawn in? All of us can understand how you feel right now. But we can also see you letting yourself be in pain. It doesn't have to be this way.

I have definately been drawn in again. I just can't help it. I have really been misreble lately. I am not happy with my life right now. I go out and do a lot of things, but it all seems empty. Having a lot of trouble getting her out of my head. I burn inside when I think of my old life.