Anyone have any thoughts on WS's that 'fess up and walkaway at the same time? Specifically, told you that they loved the other person and wants to start a life with them (and get a divorce from BS)? It seems like there are a lot of words of advice and much hope for marriages where WS stayed and either immediately ended affair, or eventually ended it, but stayed with BS. But what is the advice/projected hope for those of us that were blindsided by the affair and abandoned, simultaneously? Especially without incentives to stay, like real property or kids?

Thoughts please!

My situation isn't exactly like this but close. WH came to me and told me about the A and three weeks later he moved out. He never said he loved OW, but admitted that he could be falling for her. The one thing that kept him bonded with me is I am pregnant with our first child (planned). I found this place and started with Plan A, I also read about the 180 and implemented that as well. He's not home yet, but I really hope/think that he will be. I have gotten a lot of support and help here. Plus by having a plan to follow I feel a lot stronger, regarless with what happens in my M.

I'm not familiar with your story, but please know it's never hopeless.

There is hope...seriously.

Now you are just a the beginning of a rollercoaster ride.

Your pain will control your emotions and thoughts. Try your best not to let that happen.

Now is the time for you to read and learn.

Be strong, kind and compassionate. You will get through this.

Hi Dazed,

I know how you feel. My WW was 2 months pregnant when she had her PA (she is 7 months pregnant now). She left the coutry for a month and the day after she came back she moved out.

I would think that having property together and our first child on the way would be incentive for her to at least try to work it out. But nope, she met with a lawyer and the divorce papers are being drawn up.

My IC told me in this case the best thing to do is to take care of myself. Be as nice as possible to WW but focus on me and take it day by day.

I know this doesn't sound very positive but you never know when the WS will realize the mistake they are making (if ever). So I'm just working on myself and if she comes back hopefully I'll be ready emotionally and physically for recovery. And if she doesn't come back, well I still need to be emotionally and physically strong for our child.

I know that you are in a whirlwind of emotions but the thing that I keep remembering is that SHE is the one that left. I never yelled at her, I never threatened her, I didn't make her leave, I wanted to work on the marriage. SHE chose to leave to be with OM, SHE will have to be the one to decide to come back.

GDF

Dazed,

Being caught up in the idea that your WS's actions don't fit the usual MO, and that therefore your situation is more hopeless, is I think a mistake.

I can't go much beyond that, and of course the nature of your M before the A is a factor. But just because there are different circumstances in your situation, it isn't all that different from the others. Trust me on that. As time goes by, you'll find that it fits the mold more than you think.

For what that's worth.

GC

Dazed,

My situation is similar to yours, and others who have replied to this post.

My WW informed me that she didn't love me, that she might be falling in love with OM, and three or four weeks later, she dumped me and my children off at my mother's to have her A. I felt blindsided the whole time, lost in confusion and despair. She has since done things to complicate the situation, to the point that I am unsure if a future reconciliation is possible, but that is not to say that it isn't impossible.

Keep reading/writing posts on here, you can get much in the way of advice and support. I don't know where I would be right now, if I hadn't found MB.

Hang in there!

Dimmu