Maybe we could come up with a disclaimer.

Confession Disclaimer:
For WS thinking about revealing a concealed affair, be aware that the BS may react violently, even if there is no history of violence. Further, this violence may be directed at you and cause grave physical harm and it may put your life in danger. However, you should reveal it anyway and some on this site think that if violence happens it is you own damn fault because you did a greater wrong and we understand the feelings of rage.

Or something like that.

O.K. sarcasm off. I think that the WS should be warned that the potential for a violent confrontation does exist. That potential reality should be in the equation when one ponders what to do with this volatile information. I have no idea how often the BS act aggressively to the WS.

Pep, did you see my PPD post? I'm kinda worried about her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by knewbetter:
<strong> Pep, did you see my PPD post? I'm kinda worried about her. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No ... what is "PPD"?

(to me, PPD is a skin test for TB)

Pep

duh... just dawned on me Post Partum Depression ... yes, very worrisome.

<small>[ November 01, 2004, 03:54 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

I can't think of another way to say this so I just will ...

Awhile ago there was a BS who thought that every thing posted to her (well most everything ) turned in to an ugly fight on the thread....

There was thought pasted back and forth that certain people should just not post if they had nothing nice to say ,,,,Other posters where upset with this saying its an OPEN BOARD and they can state there opinion ect...also why should they walk on eggshells for a poster ,, they could ignore the advice given ...

I am sorry but that is very true ,,, its an open board and like I said, before thick skin sometimes is needed or better yet ignore the person you feel is saying something you don't agree with ,,,

I know its a safe place to come to to air out your problems and lean on people ,, but that does not mean we will all think alike ...
Or have the same compassion for the other as someone else has ..

Weather some thoughts are healthy will come in time from a BS ,,, not all of us GET IT as fast as others ,,, NOt all can forgive as fast , not all lets go of the anger as well ...

I try to stay away from posting if I can't be objective and step back from my own PERSONAL M issues ....

But there are days when ya let it all hang out or that you just feel that way and thats the way it is ...

I have read most of NOODLES threads and responses to people ,, most are very eye opening posts ,,, and yes some hurt ...I have been on the recieving end of one ...

BUT I can choose to tell her to F OFF , ignore , or ponder what she said...

We all have choices and we are adults we do not need to fight about wrong and right when there is none ,,, cause an OPINION can't be WRONG OR RIGHT .

Pep sorry, I assumed. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I posted somewhere back a few pages on this thread that Noodle's behavior may have something to do with Post Partum Depression. Just a thought, because she just delivered a few months ago after all and it is all just too odd. There are many different ways to say things and she has NEVER used a mean spirited tone before as far as I can remember anyway.

3isacrowd, I must respectfully disagree with that train of thought. This website is called "Marriage Builders". This should be a place of healing for both the BS and WS alike. How does telling a WS they deserve what they get even if it means death help a marriage? Even for a BS, How does this thought help them recover. This site should be about helping one another, not burning eachother down.

I do agree that one should be able to say whatever they like but they should start their own thread, not post on a remorseful WS's thread and burn her at the cross because thier own WS never came home and they need someone to vent on.

3, you're right of course. There is no way to control posts on this board, it's open and folks are not going to like everything they hear...and I am not seeking to silence anyone. Anyone can post anything...within TOS, and be heard...that includes this thread, and these are just my opinions. It is open for anyone to respond...and I'm willing and able to discuss this issue logically. (But keep in mind....I'm not bleeding from the head...and I haven't been told I'm damned for eternity or told of the "necessity of dragging <my> former marriages carcass around with <me> despite the smell of decay"). Yeah....I think that violated TOS....but it's only MY opinion.

i read the other thread as it was hapening---i think something that may have incited some of the BS's was the comment made about dreamcatcher never groveling......

i think after that(i didnt go back and look, so dont quote me...lol) is when the BS's got their nickers in a twist. well if she wasnt gonna grovel...what the heck was she doing? it kinda (ok not kinda, REALLY) came off sounding indignant. no remorse...i think that is what got some really upset. and the jumping on her husband for being an abuser.

i am not going back to the other post so if im wrong...im sorry. i know she is sorry for what she did so please dont jump on me there either. the whole thing is sad really....i was gonna recommend this site today to someone who really needed it but i didnt.....

maybe tomorrrow.....

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by weaver:

ba109: I personally find your claim of shame and your occasional endearment "chere" to be a bit grandmotherly and somewhat condescending.

weaver: Now this is a personal attack, and completely unnecessary and out of line in . When you attack somebodys' personality it is with no other good reason except to inflict pain.

.....

Disagreeing with anothers opinion is one thing but attacking them personally is just not very nice. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Weaver,

This is in no way an attack on star's character and I think that star is seasoned enough to realize that and not take offense.

If I find an occasional remark of starfish's to be condescending then that is my perception and I am free to state it.

This thread IS afterall, about perception and how one persons perception of the black and white on one particular thread rubbed her the wrong way. Starfish is free to state her perception as she has done on this thread.

If Noodle has done a bait and switch on dreamcatcher, then shame on her. If Noodle has violated the TOS with her post then shame on her. If Noodle has posted her heartfelt opinion which is not found to be in violation of the TOS and it has caused this much ruckus...then shame on us.

This isn't about shame ba...not yours, not anybody's. Offense is taken...and I choose not to take it. I hold no hard feelings. If I've been condescending to you, or even if you just felt that way...I apologize. I wish you hadn't criticized my dialect...or characterized it. "chere" is just something folks from my part of the country use all the time as part of everyday speech...it's not an "old" people thing and it's something I like.

THREADJACK:

This isn't interesting anymore. Come over 2 my thread and place your votes!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

END THREADJACK

-nutball ol' 2long

Starfish
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I wish you hadn't criticized my dialect...or characterized it. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I did not criticize your dialect. I only posted my perception of what I see in black and white. I read your post explaining the term "chere" and my perception remains the same.

I did however, characterize the way I sometimes perceive you to be through your postings and for that I apologize.

okay, I skimmed through this post and just wanted to put my two cents in. Being someone who has been both the BS and the WS, I've had to go through all of the feelings. I posted on this board after both of these events.

As a BS I have recieved both support and I've been scolded.

As a WS I have recieved both support and I've been scolded.

As a BS, I found a group of people that were going through the same thing as I was. I've been scolded for various things from not wanting to tell the girl's parents and for acting like a crazy fool and LB all the time.

As a WS, I got a few 2x4's for giving into temptation and disregarding the vows I took. Still, I found people out there that understood that when you are having a hard time things you don't want to happen can happen and that you can choose to stop behaving in such a way and continue to commit to saving your marriage even if you were in the wrong.

I find that there are some people who let they're emotions get in the way of sound advice. Still, both ways, I recieved some good advice. Sometimes I think both WS and BS need a little kick in the rear to get back on track. Either way, it's unfair to say that only WS's get ambushed. It happens to us all. Sometimes it's just what they need, other times it really is hurtful. It's just something that happens when emotions run wild.

A lot of times, when the person has been wrongfully, or 2x4'd really harshly, others on the board respond defending the person that was attacked in the post.

I don't know... It's my personal view.

I've been posting on these forums since last December, and I've never seen a more unselfish and caring group of people in my life. The people who posted to me in "JFO" and "GQII" educated me and guided me to a point where I was in a position to play a part in ending my FWW's A, and get into recovery.

I was given 2 x 4's for some dumb stuff I did, but most of them were gentle. Some of what I received them for worked in spite of everyone's negative opinions. I was probably lucky in that way.

I've read 100 times more threads than I've posted in, and most of the people here respond to others with love and compassion, regardless of their position, BS or WS. Granted, there are the occasional Poseurs, some people posting who have not become familiar with MB philosophy, and some who are just not very helpful for a variety of reasons, but those people are typically easily identified, and readers take them with a grain of salt.

It tears at my heart to see the passionate words written here by posters whom I've come to respect and "love", by that I mean posters whose words are well thought out, and written with the intent to help others. I refuse to let the angry posts in this and other threads impact my opinion about these forum members, because I believe this whole "event" is an abberation, and certainly not the norm.

I hope the participants can let bygones be bygones, and not let this thread damage relationships that were formed for the common causes of "saving their own marriages", becoming stronger individuals regardless of whether the marriage is saved or not, and, for helping others save their marriages. There are too many newbies needing help on this forum, to lose wisened and experienced poster's over these threads.

Please, people, when emotions run high, it is important to choose your words carefully, and be part of the solution, not part of the problem.

Just my 2 cents worth....
SD

<small>[ November 01, 2004, 08:30 PM: Message edited by: shattered dreams ]</small>

ENOUGH!!

If you are upset by a post, poster or thread, PLEASE click on the moderator alert at the bottom of the post. Bash-fests such as this have never solved anything and only add to the problem.

Any questions or comments....email me.