My WH is suppose to come home today to visit with the kids and we are suppose to take them to the movies. He always says he will be here early in the morning. Course that never happens.

Instead he is still at his sisters house on the phone with the OW. I just don't understand how he can go days without talking to us but he cannot bare to go a few hours without talking to her. He calls her sometimes at 5 and 6 in the morning and 2 and 3 in the middle of the night. How are we so easy for him to put aside? ARgggggggggghhh just makes me want to call both of them and tell them how selfish they are. Time and time again he disappoints the kids all for the likes of that woman and his happiness.

The only good thing is that she lives 10 hours away so they cannot see each other much. But in a way that makes it harder because the fantasy keeps going on. I am thinking about just taking the boys by myself to the movies and spend the day away. If he comes home let him come home to a empty house. He doesn't care any other time about us.

I see signs of hope then it's dashed again and again. He doesn't even call to check on me. Knowing my due date is next week. It's like he is so wrapped up in his little world he doesn't care bout me or the boys even though he says he does. To me actions speak louder than words. He says he can still care but still want to do the things he wants to do. Guess that just makes him a selfish [censored].

I just don't think there is any hope left. He seems to have totally checked out of our marriage. He knows what he is doing is wrong. But he chooses to continue anyway.

Hon,

He is deeply involved emotionally with this OW. He is addicted. If he were an alcoholic who continually broke promises, would you expect him to keep ANY promises? No. Well, unfortunately, you are in the same boat.

By all means, go out to the movies with the kids (if you feel up to it). Your life doesn't revolve around his fantasy. To be honest, this seems to be one of those cases where you just have to go on with YOUR life and let him go. That's all he is waiting for at this point. He is trying to be the "good" father by being around when the baby is born. That will make him feel all warm and fuzzy inside that he "did his duty."

He has no role in your family right now. It is you and you alone. He's just an added pair of hands when he shows up. Given your circumstances I understand that you need him, even if only to help out after the new baby comes. But don't expect much from him. Plan A when you get the chance, but don't wait around for him or let him ruin your day at the movies, either.

He must be accountable. Trust me. He knows he is letting you down every time he says he'll be there early and then doesn't show in time for the outing. Leaving him an empty house might anger him, but only because it forces him to see that he is to blame for it. He won't like it.

At some point, you will probably need Plan B just to sustain the love you have left for your husband because as the weeks go by I hear it ebbing away. And I suspect Plan B will be a very good thing for you. But only you know the timing for that. When you are ready to send him off into her arms, to be totally cared for by her, send him off with a smile and a kiss. Then live your life and see what happens over time as reality sets in.

Please take care.... I am praying for you.

~ Snow

Snow,
Your post is very true. He is so addicted he realizes what he is doing to the kids and me and apologizes but does it again and again. He acts like he has no control over himself and saying sorry makes up for everything.

He has been on the phone with OW for over 2 hours now. He won't click over to me when I call. I could be calling to tell him I am in labor he doesn't care at all. I am feeding the kids and getting ready to take them out to see Spongebob. They are really excited. Even though they keep saying they hope daddy comes. I hurt for them most of all. He seems to feel that as long as he tells them he loves them that is all they need. Blames me because they are sad. Said I feed things in their head and make them sad. Complete BS but I guess that makes him feel better when he says stuff like that.

After the baby is born. If he will not commit to our marriage then it is time for plan B. I cannot deal with this crap and handle a newborn, 3 year old and a 9 year old. Just makes me sad that someone he met off the net, met a few times in person and lives ten hours away means more to him right now than his wife and kids.

How was the movie? I hope you and the kids went by yourself and had a wonderful time, you deserve it right now. Keep focusing on you and the kids right now, NOT WH.

Well after trying call him for over two hours and getting ignored because he was talking to OW I gave up. Course ten minutes later he calls me. I was so upset. Not for me but for my kids again. He disappoints them over and over again.

When we finally talked I was at the end of my rope. I asked him why he ignores us but cannot stop calling OW. He said because I nag him when he calls or comes around so he doesn't want around us. Gave me the same old I don't want to be married to you anymore speech. That I am in denial blah blah blah. He use to read my posts before I changed my name. He said don't you think all you people in that message board should realize that not everyone is in the fog. That some people do feel the way they do and just want out.

I know I handled it all wrong. I guess I was feeling very down today and baited right into his arguments. I told him I was heading out to the movie with the boys. So I took the boys to the movie by myself. He called while we were waiting for the movie to start. Said he was at our house getting some clothes and then would probably leave because he had a lot of things to do. Guess they are more important than spending time with his kids and me.

He called back a few minutes later and said he would wait till the movie was over and take us out to dinner. We went to dinner. He didn't look at me almost the whole time. Kept giving me dirty looks when the kids said they missed him and asked if he loved them. Guess he thinks I feed this stuff in their heads or something.

He is now down on the couch sleeping. Said he will be leaving soon. Guess he is already having withdrawl from calling OW. Earlier I went to hug him and he kinda pushed me away said he didn't want to give me false hope. Guess I am suppose to be steel and have no feelings or needs a all.

He still says he is moving home with his guy friend at the end of the month. I told him not if he is going to come home and continue contacting OW. He said for me not to worry about him just to put my focus on the baby. Also he says he may not come to the birth because he doesn't want to face my mom.

He did make a comment earlier. He says he has been thinking about maybe he should try but he doesn't want to give me false hope. That he already knows that he will feel the same and figures whats the use. But at least he admits to thinking about it.

Kloe you are right. I do so good during the week focusing on the kids and myself. Then the weekends I break down when he comes around. I try to plan A but usually end up screwing it up. Guess I need to figure out a way to get him off my mind.

Any day now you will have the perfect thing to take your mind off your WH, your beautiful baby girl! To miss the birth of his child because he doesn't want to face your Mother is inexcusable, but right now you can't be shocked by this. But no way can you let him and his friend move back in after the baby is born. He may have ruined your pregnancy but do not let him ruin your first few precious weeks with you baby.

I rarely am a fan of Plan B but I don't see any choice for you. He is hurting you so much right now and something has to be done to change this if there is any hope to save the M. But now is not the time to deal with this, after the birth of the baby you will be able to decide what is right for you and your family.

Hopefully you're able to get some rest, I know sleeping for me is becoming a nightmare. The leg cramps last night were horrible!

Kloe,
All this week I have not called him only about the kids and that was maybe 5 minutes at the most. He said I didn't nag him all week because HE was ignoring ME. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> He is funny. I do not want his friend here. But it seems he is moving him up here no matter what I say about it. I told him I have enough on me. On top of that he doesn't expect his friend to pay anything for living here or help out with any expenses. We have all the baby's formula and diapers to buy and he wants a grown man to live here for free.

I can't believe he said he may not come to the delivery. Even if he was joking in his own way he knows that I was being serious. I need to know if I can depend on him or not. Guess I already know my answer. My mom still loves him like one of her own sons. She said she isn't going to say anything to him because she knows that I don't want her to. He is just being silly. And trying to find excuses for not being there.

He left a few minutes ago. He was on the couch and just jumped up saying he had things to do. Hugged and kissed the boys and hugged me and left. Everytime he leaves I feel my heart being torn out all over again. You are right after the baby comes I will need to decide on my plan. I just don't think I can handle a total plan B right now. I see little signs of hope but he is still sooooooooooo foggy.

I haven't had a good nights sleep in a long time. I just figured atleast I am getting prepared for the months ahead of me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Last night I was so sick. Felt like a touch of the flu or something. Today I feel better. A few weeks ago I got the leg cramps in the morning they hurt so bad. Now I am just plain uncomfortable.

Hang in there! Here's to a safe, easy delivery <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love and Prayers to you and your kidlets.

are you saying that your husband is planning on moving a man in to your home...when you have a new born to take care of plus the older ones...

surely you are not going to allow this...

ARK