CJ, great news!

Thank you all so much for your prayers and thoughts!! Just to let you all know, we are doing better. Yesterday I was fairly calm and "taking care of business", but last night, after I found him and he was home safe, I was a little shook up and had a shaky night. Luckily, I did recognize it as that adrenalin rush drop-off, so I just did some calming things last night: drank warm hot chocolate, ate a few chocolates, listened to mellow music, sat and watched some comedy TV, worked on holiday cards, and went to bed a little early.

Likewise, my son is doing a little better tonight too. He supposedly went to a buddy's house and slept on the floor, but he didn't sleep much either, so when I found him he was pretty wiped out and tired emotionally and physically. We met with his assistant principal (when I went to pick him up) and decided together that high school at his present school is not working for him. Thus, we are looking at alternatives for his education and thinking of maybe GED. After we got home, my exH was at the house--but he's so out of it, it's not even funny. His idea was to blame our son, put him down, and yell (duh! He's nothing if not consistent). After the ex left, then my son and I got to have some good talks, not the least of which was that even HE understood that his dad was blaming and yelling at him in order to feel better about himself. Hey...the kid is smart, just not wise!

We decided a few things last night: 1) the way things have been going is NOT working and can not continue; 2) things MUST change--it's not an option; 3) his choices have been self-destructive; 4) he may be bipolar, but with cycles that are MONTHS long rather than hours or days long like his dad; 5) he will be going to counseling and doing UA's; 6) he wants very badly to fit into somewhere and feel like he belongs; 7) he made choices that hurt him in order to be part of "the group"; 8) he's going to have to live with some consequences.

After that, we decided we were both just WIPED OUT DEAD, and decided to just stop and spend the night with each other. It's not smart to try to make big, serious decisions when we're exhausted!

Today, I had the day off, so we spent the day together. We slept in a little (9am), paid the rent and some bills, went to McD's for lunch, went holiday shopping for our family gifts, and did some MUCH NEEDED household chores like laundry, dishes and vacuuming. He's doing a little better and so am I.


CJ

CJ, nice to see that update. you are an amazing woman and mom.

I am, aren't I?? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

I'm HUMBLE too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks, FL. This has reminded me a little bit of a birth: I think he ran away as a child and came home as a very, very, very young adult. All I do know is that it seems as if he has come to grips with several things that he was resisting before.


CJ

Thank you Almighty God for keeping CJs son safe for her. Use this fright for BOTH of them for YOUR and THEIR positive growth and benefit.Amen

your humble comment made me smile <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

if he has learned some very important things, what a blessing in disguise it has been then! he is a very lucky guy to have you for his mom.

CJ,

I thought about posting earlier when your son first disappeared, but you already had lost of supportive posts, so I held off.

I wanted to commend you for your wisdom in knowing that some situations require tough love, and in those situations coddling would be enabling, looking the other way would be irresponsible, and blaming would be counterproductive. All those options are so much easier (and therefore more attractive) than tough love but you immediately saw the proper path and stuck to it. What a great example you set.

Your talks with your son sound *fabulous*. How wonderful that you are both able to sit down and talk calmly, rationally, and productively when you were both tired and emotionally stressed. The lines of communication are open! This is SO GOOD.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">...even HE understood that his dad was blaming and yelling at him in order to feel better about himself.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I hadn't thought about this before, but don't you think his running away was an attempt to take control of a bad situation over which he really has no control? Poor kid! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Perhaps his poor choice of friends was an escape technique, too. Or perhaps it was a play to focus attention on himself and an attempt to wake his Dad up.

Well it sounds like he's realizing he has you, there are some things he can't control, and he has to be careful and think before making decsions based on his gut (and the emotional turmoil that he is feeling). Big lessons for a young person. With you to guide him, and with your example, he's going to be an *amazing* young adult.