Go back and reread LITs post. Couldn't agree more..couldn't have said it better.

Noodle

LIT,
Thank you for shareing your story. It shows such strength and hope.
Can I ask where you went? I do not remember do you have kids? If so what did you do with them? How did you tell your H?

KMEJ - I want to answer you, but it will require a lot of time. I have to get up to monitor a surgery at 4am tomorrow, so will try to write after that, OK?

You deserve better, you know? There really are people out there who would treat you better. It's not what you want to hear right now, but it's true.........You are an incredibly caring person. You just need to practice caring for yourself. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Oh, my heart breaks for you. I probably can't add anything that others haven't already said, and said better than I could. But maybe there's comfort in numbers - if enough people tell you it's ok to leave your abusive relationship, maybe you will be ok with it too.

(((((((((((((KMEJ))))))))))))))

Hiya KMEJ,

I haven't read through all this thread, but I found some of the replies extremely helpful, and I think that if you look closely at them, so will you. However....that's the hard bit. I was in an abusive relationship, and it still didn't sink in. I still wanted that relationship back, even after he left me for OW3. There are times when I STILL want it...and he still abuses me. I'm the one that's in the fog sometimes, I think!! I just really wanted him to be the person I thought he could be. And he just couldn't be that person around me...for whatever reason. He always blamed me for that, and my self-esteem and confidence took a dive. I'm an intelligent person. I made the Honour Society when I did my nursing degree a few years back. So why couldn't I see what was as plain as the nose on my face??? There has been tons and tons of research done on this, but at the end of the day, until you can see it for yourself, nothing will change. You will continue to suffer. I still do, KMEJ, and I don't like that one little bit. I was in a real Catch 22. I thought I deserved to be treated better, but when he didn't treat me how I felt he should, I blamed myself for it. I believed what he said. I really hope that things improve for you, and that you start to value yourself as your own person. Best of luck <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

M.

PS. I have 3 boys also..not so little these days, but gorgeous none the less. Take care of them <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for all the advise.
Today is a new day. I never know what to expect from H. Last night he got home from work and I was painting the bathroom, so H went on-line. When I finished and had everything cleaned up, H and I got into an arguement about his throwing the clean clothes out of the dryer onto the floor so he can put his put his work clothes in on "wrinkle release". I hate that, I know it is petty, and stupid to get upset about something so trivial, however I washed and dried them and do not want them getting dirty again before they are worn. H said the floor was clean what was the big deal, and if I completed the job that I had started they would not still be in the dryer. I was very LB'ing and said F-You H! I know that was wrong, but I was upset- still no excuse (I later did apologize for saying it).
Anyway I went and took a shower, and H came in the bathroom all upset because I had yelled at him, and then started the shower with out him, he threw my clothes in the shower and said "I just do not understand you" and walked out.
After H got out of the shower he acted as if everything was fine. weird weird games. He then wanted to watch Law and Order that I had taped for him, I fell asleep(it was already midnight), H woke me back up and would not let me go back to sleep until.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> so Around 3am I got some ZZZZ's. I am tired today. Today will be a good day- no matter, because today I am living for me. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

you sound alot better today than in past days . stay strong, keep your confidence, and hold your ground.... take control from him. an abusive spouse thrives on control.

Sounds like SSDD <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Noodle

I am sorry but I am not sure what SSDD is, can you please tell me?

same sh*t dif day

Same Sh*t Different Day.

Trying to squeeze life in between temper tantrums and bouts of self pity. No respect. Exhaustion. Abuse.

Noodle

<small>[ December 25, 2004, 03:42 PM: Message edited by: Cherished ]</small>

KMEJ,

I am sorry to have to be blunt. But...how much more evidence do you need that your H is a sociopath?

The path you are on now is going to lead to tragedy down the road. At the very least, your soul is going to be wrung dry of life. Do you want to be 50 years old and have to look back on a life of turmoil and bitterness?

What actions have you taken (beside arguing with husband)? Have you looked into finding counseling yet? You work at the school don't you? Talk to the counselor there. I know that schools in Minnesota all have counselors...it's a starting place to find resources. What about calling the county Social Services you live in? They often have some kind of help or referral service, even if you don't have much money. Just screw up your courage, and start there.

Read Andrew's post...I am 48 years old and looking back on a life of turmoil and bitterness.
You don't want to get to that place.

I get the feeling that you all think I am constantly in a self pity stage, or am always poor little me. I am sorry you get that impression. my friends and co-workers do not see me that way, as a matter of fact 95% of them just have no clue what is actually going on in my life. I would bend over backwards to help anyone that I feel is in need, and put myself as an after fact. Not something sad, just who I am, what makes me feel good about me. I like being social and out going, I like being around friends. I guess I use this as my outlet so that my problems with my H do not drag down other aspecks of my life, or make others treat me differently. Maybe I am relying too much on my release here. If I am dragging you all down, I am sorry. This was just my place to vent, and get feed back, and try to support and help others.

I am trying to work on me, I am just not good about shareing that for fear of another failure to share.

Thanks again for all your support.

KMEJ,

What you said about alwys putting others before yourself...that's the crux of the problem, I think.

It's ALL RIGHT for you to put yourself first sometimes. You have needs too!

I think you might have something there Andrew. however now that people know how am I, how do I take time for myself with out people thinking I am either mad at them or disappointing them?

to add to aa thread, right now is the time to put yourself 1st. screw your h, think of it this way . who does he put 1st?
your 1st post i thought you sounded better though. i seen your pic on mb pic thread.
you wont have any trouble finding a GOOD man, and your h knows this!!!! his abuse is a control issue, if you take control it will bring him to his knees.

let me refrase, take control of yourself

I see not enough self concern. Too much venting, not enough action. You do not seem to be serious about taking responsibility for your life.

I wonder have you forgot what "normal" feels like? Perhaps you do not realize just how extreme your situation is?

I feel for you KMEJ, I really do. I'm almost out of kind words though. I can only repeat myself so many times, and see you continue in this cycle unabated before I begin to suspect that you are as addicted to it as he is.

Noodle