Mrs. DK and I had our first session with the MC this morning. I think it went well. All we really did was get to know the counselor and the counselor got to know us and our situation.

At the end, the counselor said that we should look into moving closer to where we both work so that we would both spend more time at home with each other. Also to really concentrate on what we like about the other spouse and look for things that the spouse does that pleases us. At first I was thinking "Maybe you (MC) should read my posts on MB and see what you think." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

A little background in the subject... After my wife graduated high school, she went to the University of Iowa (go Hawkeyes!) to pursue an Engineering degree. We all (wife, DD, and myself) moved down to "campustown" and a few months later decided to buy a place in the town where she went to school.

During this time, I was still working in the town we were originally from (approx 30 min. away). After my wife's first semester at UI, she decided to change her major to one that UI does not offer. The school that she enrolled in and is currently attending is in the town we originally moved from.

Ironically, we still "live" in this new town and both commute to the town that we are originally from. My wife hates the drive and (especially since the marriage has gone under) would rather stay at her parents house to avoid the drive (and the bad energy that our place has).

Our counselor has suggested that we look into selling the place and moving back to our hometown. My wife and I couldn't agree more.

ANYWAY, great news! My wife is now wearing her wedding ring again! She told me tonight, "I am not ready for a divorce, but things still need to change."

I tried to cover up my elation and told her that I agree that a lot of things need to change.

We both think that counseling will help us figure out what is truly at the bottom of this. Our next session is in a week.

Thank you for all of your advice and support. I could not have gotten this far without all of you!!!

Again...this is still only the beginning.

-DKelly

That's great DKelly. I wish you luck as you rebuild your marriage. It's nice to see that guy's my age still do believe in the sanctity of marriage. Your wife is lucky to have you, seeing how monogomy is almost extinct.

That's great news. I think you are on your way. I have often wished we could start over in a new town, it would make a lot of things easier.

Sounds like things are gonna work out. Does the counselor want to keep seeing you together, or is he going to do separate sessions with each of you sometimes?

Thanks!

The counselor did not specify what our next counseling session was going to be like. She saw us both together this morning, I guess it might stay that way. I will have to find out next week. Would you think that a session or two of Individual MC be more beneficial than keeping both of us together for all of our sessions? I see pros and cons with both...

I see pros and cons with both. Our MC told us that he would always see us together because he felt to do otherwise would be unethical. He said that anything either of us would say, the other deserved to hear.

I think this is more of a strategic choice on his part than an ethical one. However, I can see his point. A marriage that has just weathered an A has no room for any secrecy whatsoever.

That's a great point. Hopefully the added stress of having an MC that you barely know analyzing your every response won't crack our honesty that we both deserve. Afterall, how can MC help in the first place if you are not honest with the MC?

So far, my wife has been pretty good at spilling the beans. She was the one to mention the A to the MC in the first place. I am proud of her for that. It shows me that she is willing to put in some of the effort and realizes that MC CAN help...

-DKelly