M23B,

I love your new theme song!! I haven't been able to get it out of my head since I read the words you shared!!

You rock!!! You're an amazing role model to your boys - glad you're taking your mother with you to CA!!

Thank you everyone who posted! Someone asked about Xbox, we have GameCube...We also have 2 Play Stations, neither of them work <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Orchid, I would LOVE to come to Hawaii...but funds are a bit tight at the moment! Maybe in the future! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hey Pep, when you say 5 miles from the Studio, do you mean Universal Studios, or The Dr. Phil Studio? Any chance on us getting together while we are there? I can probably get you tickets to the show!

Wednesday I am getting a makeover...not sure what sort of makeover, but I am going to some big Hollywood salon! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thursday is the show, 1:00 taping!

Friday, we will be in Universal...Let me know and I can get you my cell number!

<small>[ January 17, 2005, 10:21 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

you've got mail <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Mom, I'm glad that you posted. I have been thinking about you and was planning on checking in with you through your personal e-mail.

I am so happy for you that you feel at peace. You certainly showed your love for Ed by your capacity to still want the M in spite of everything wrong he was doing. I bought a CD with "I will Survive" shortly after d-day. This was before I knew if H could really break it off with OW. That song really says it all, doesn't it?

I look forward to seeing you on Dr. Phil. Please let us know the date. How are your boys doing? Do you think the Dr. Phil taping was negative or positive for them? Just curious. Anyway, here's giving you a big hug and a wish that 2005 brings you peace and happiness. CV

wow what a party!! Dr phil is some great guy. I guess he will be there for you when the publicity follows your kids again and hurts the family business which pays all the bills? smart move. Dr phil and company will be cashing thier checks will you?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dirtdevil:
<strong> wow what a party!! Dr phil is some great guy. I guess he will be there for you when the publicity follows your kids again and hurts the family business which pays all the bills? smart move. Dr phil and company will be cashing thier checks will you? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hi Ed.... how are you doing?

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dirtdevil:
<strong> wow what a party!! Dr phil is some great guy. I guess he will be there for you when the publicity follows your kids again and hurts the family business which pays all the bills? smart move. Dr phil and company will be cashing thier checks will you? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well DD,

Welcome to MB. Have we met before? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Dr Phil sure seems t/b a great guy. As for teh publicity following the family....that's already happened. Hear the ratings on his show are really good.

As for her H's actions hurting the family business (which pays all the bills), isn't that her H's responsbility? Did you know that he is out there making more babies? At least he's thinks he has 1 cooking on another stove in another house.... not sure how many more kitchens he has in the area or elsewhere. Hear that other kitchen likes to steal from other cooks, ya know? Must be a real crummy cook in their but some people just like all that instant family kind of cooking.

As a result, it sure seems like his work w/b wondering about his work ethics. Now that could hurt the family business. When the word goes around that the one primary caregiver for the business who is also the H/father of a family is suppose t/b the trusted for his high moral value/good work ethics seems to NOT have the same values in all areas he once had....... well that could hurt worse than any TV show. Doncha think? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

So if we haven't met before...... what brings you to MB?

take care,
L.

Ed?

What's eating you DD?

GC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What's eating you DD? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They must have run out of cake at the bakery <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> from pepperband:
Hi Ed.... how are you doing? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

From that response.......Looks like just about the same ol...........selfish and Clueless.

And to imagine I got grief for calling this guy on his "intentions" before his going on Dr. Phil.
Sheeesh.

To you MOM to 3,
Great for you that you've FINALLY chosen to NOT be stuck in all the "games" and Drama.

This does show a Huge Leap in your attitude (confidence/ whatever you want to call it).
It also shows your now Ready to have a Plan to help yourself. Good move! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Also Nice to see that your still willing to accept any help Dr. Phil is there to give.
With that said, hope he is giving You more then just a forum to grieve on. (I've seen him offer many "home" serivces to other guests).
Hope that holds true for you as well.

However, even though its taken a while.... you Do seem to have finally " got it "!
No better update then That! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ January 17, 2005, 01:13 PM: Message edited by: top rope ]</small>

it's called collateral damage and it serves no usefull purpose. It is myopic to think it is ok. Who pays besides dt3? the kids. oh sure he did this and that and what right does he have, bla bla bla.... It will not help anything only make it worse. Want a D get it quietly, go on and get over yourselves. Circus time again.

You know what I think about, I think how all this is going to affect those 3 boys.

They are "boys" now but one day all too soon they will be young adults. Can you imagine how all of this infidelity will affect them. How they will view marriage and relationships.

I know I remember "EVERYTHING" about my mom and dad's divorce. E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G and it still haunts me.

Mom, I know you will do what is necessary to seek out help to repair what damaged has been done them. God bless.

Jo

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dirtdevil:
it's called collateral damage and it serves no usefull purpose. It is myopic to think it is ok. Who pays besides dt3? the kids. oh sure he did this and that and what right does he have, bla bla bla.... It will not help anything only make it worse. Want a D get it quietly, go on and get over yourselves. Circus time again.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ed,

This "CIRCUS" was started and continues by the act of adultery. Blaming the exposure of it, regardless of the degree, only illustrates how one can continue to live in denial of their actions and it's consequences.

Jo

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dirtdevil:
it's called collateral damage and it serves no usefull purpose. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What if this helps your wife to cope?

I think that is a useful purpose.

Pep

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dirtdevil:
<strong> it's called collateral damage and it serves no usefull purpose. It is myopic to think it is ok. Who pays besides dt3? the kids. oh sure he did this and that and what right does he have, bla bla bla.... It will not help anything only make it worse. Want a D get it quietly, go on and get over yourselves. Circus time again. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What on your part will make matters better?

Remember you can't control your W just as she can't control you (WS fav line w/an orchid twist). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

If you choose to ignore this question, it w/b telling. If you choose to answer this question..... well it also will be telling and hopefully it c/b a more positive one.

take care, dd. BTW you poster name is cute and very telling. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

L.

D23B needs to reread the letter he received from his wife so he can better understand what he needs to do should he desire to attempt to have a chance to save his M. The guidelines are there.

Continued contact with OW is not part of the plan.

We all have and make our own choices in behavior.

I believe everyone here, including M23B, wants the best outcome for all concerned.

<small>[ January 17, 2005, 02:51 PM: Message edited by: Trix ]</small>

Hi mom -

Glad to see you are getting stronger. Glad to see you are in plan B. Remember that Dad can come here and read your thoughts and plans vicariously here, so he can still get his fix of the drama he gets out of the situation by coming here - I think if you want to come here, a name change might be a good idea.

Hopefully, if Dad is reading, he will remember my story - he will also remember that he said he would do anything to prevent what happened to our family from happening to his. I was skeptical then, and I'm not surprised at what I see today between M23B and D23B.

Just to update -for Dad, if he is reading. This was our first Christmas without my mom - my Dad came to spend a week after Christmas with my sister - his 2nd wife (OW) went to spend that week with her mother. Dad had some precious "family time" with my sister and her family. My mom's room is still the same - all her things are still there because my sister hasn't had time to clean it out. Dad slept in there, in her bed. During the week, he found time to talk to my sister alone - he sat with her on the sofa. He told her that he was sorry for all the pain and agony he had caused her and all of us. He said he knew that he could never, ever make it up to us, but he needed to say that he knew that he had hurt us all terribly and he had to live with that. He said that he took all the responsiblity for waht happened - that the OW was younger, that he was the one who let it get "out of control", that he should never have allowed it to start. He then started to cry. He said that he was missing our mom more than he ever thought he would....he said that he didn't realize he would miss her so much....that was as far as he could get with his emotions during that visit...when I spoke to him, he said the same thing to me...he said he was trying to make his peace with my sister and he hoped he could make his peace with me someday....I said that I hoped so, too...

Part of me felt angry, though - was he saying that he really didn't realize how much she meant to him until after she was gone? Or was that his way of trying to talk about the grief he feels, but can't share with OW....he loved my mother, and he has to grieve for her alone...

Hearing him say these things only convinced me more that had my mother cut all contact with him when she first kicked him out, she might still be married today. Too late now...at age 79, 35 years after their divorce, 35 years of "happiness" with the OW, Dad cries alone for the wife he genuinely loved....

Mom - change your name, don't get sucked into Dad's bitterness, don't get involved with drama, and don't look back....

LIR

<small>[ January 17, 2005, 01:56 PM: Message edited by: Lady_In_Red ]</small>

LIR,

Your words are priceless. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

It means a lot to me even as far removed as I am from this sitch. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by dirtdevil:
<strong> it's called collateral damage and it serves no usefull purpose. It is myopic to think it is ok. Who pays besides dt3? the kids. oh sure he did this and that and what right does he have, bla bla bla.... It will not help anything only make it worse. Want a D get it quietly, go on and get over yourselves. Circus time again. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Collateral damage occurs when someone sets off a bomb. If you choose to set off a relational bomb, you don't get the option of controlling the damage.

Choosing to have an affair sucks.

Choosing to continue the affair AND observing the devastation YOU are causing your family, while shedding crocodile tears over "collateral" damage when you are the one making the ongoing bomb blasts, reveals just how self-centered and deceived adulterers can get.