Orchid-

The house we lived in was owned by his employer, his girlfriend of 10 years left him about a year ago, because he was just not very nice to her and cheated on her. She moved to Texas. Since that time his employer has done a steady decline, he no longer gives the business my husband works at any money (they pay themselves out of the till) and he is also not paying his taxes. The houses that both my WH and his co-worker live in are being either forclosed on by the bank or seized by the IRS. The IRS has seized the store's bank account also. Which means that my husband's job won't exist very much longer either.

His employer is now running a "limosine" business (I have that in quotations....for a very good reason). In this business he goes and picks up business men, takes them to a warehouse he has all set up and sets them up with prostitutes he has in his employ. Isn't he a special guy????

SO, there should be no new tenants in the house for quite a while. I will do the address change thing at the post office after I get my W2's.

But I DO need to get the rest of my stuff out of there....there isn't much, a dresser and some sentimental things such as the box with all my wedding stuff in it, that I definitely want to get out of there. My WH seems to be in a reasonable mood today, he's talking to me like a human the one time I talked to him....so hopefully he will let me get my stuff without a scene (I still believe I'll have the police go with me).

It's sorta sad, but by the same token....he won't be living anywhere close to her, he very soon won't be working anywhere near her, so it's actually playing out in my favor (The lord works in mysterious ways <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

-Caren

I'm more interested in how he is acting. So, he is acting calmer and he is still talking. This is good.

Give it a couple of weeks. I can see that his anger will subside...and then he will miss you. You will continue Plan A in ernest. Meet his ENs, show the changes that you believe he needs to see. Engage him in trying to go to MC, or take the EN questionaire...whatever. Listen to him!! Sure, most will be babble. But the truth will be in there. Let him talk this out. He isnt saying these things for you...he needs to hear how crazy he sounds. All you need is to listen, and reverse babble him (Orchid can help with that).

You are a few weeks from going dark. Maximize every time you are with him. No LBS...none.

In His arms.

Mortar-

You don't think this letter that I just sent out to OW's employer is gonna set him right back off?? I think it will, I can envision having my head ripped off again by the end of the week.

He is supposed to be coming over here to pick up DD10, he said after 5, well it's almost 6, and he's not answering his home phone or his cell phone. Hopefully I'm jumping the gun and he's not planning on screwing her over for the slutbag. I hear her dialing again now......Gawd she'll cry if he does this to her....I hope I'm wrong.

He is talking like a human today, not nice, just civil, which is fine.

I cleaned the living **** out of the house today, so he'd see how clean it was when he came to get her. (The upstairs is trashed...haven't made it there yet...but he won't be seeing that).

So I will make a very good attempt to fill the EN's he has, I don't think I can talk him into SF, because I think he'll think I'm gonna run and tell the OW, which of course I wouldn't....but I'll do what I can.

*sigh* That B@stard better come and pick her up like he says he's going to....I won't be able to yell at him, as that would be an LB, but I'll be seething on the inside.

-Caren

Send the letter. Since you "outted him" you have to out him completely. Dont drag it out. It all should be done at one time (or as close together as possible. Once exposure is over, then things can move forward. Exposure means letting everyone know that needs to know and can help separate those two.

So send it. Then, you move forward.

In His arms.

<small>[ January 17, 2005, 04:53 PM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

Get your stuff to a safe place then think about sending the exposure stuff.

L.

Okay, so he came and picked her up, he came inside (House was sparkling...yea me...lol). I asked him if he'd be able to pick her up from school tommorrow, as I have an appointment, and my Dad is going into the hospital tommorrow and has a heart cath scheduled for Wednesday. He asked me about my Dad, used the restroom, and told me he would be going to walmart with her.

****Alas, I think I spoke too soon. Just got a call from WH on his cell saying "WHY DOES MY DAUGHTER HAVE NO SOCKS ON AND FLIP FLOP SHOES?!?" I said "I wasn't aware that she didn't put socks on" He said "Oh...well I don't know I would think you'd check these sort of things before your child leaves the house...Okay I gotta go" I said "Okay" (Sweet voice) Okay...she does not have FLIP FLOPS on she has slip on shoes, and I don't have any clue why the child opted to not put socks on...for goodness sake I didn't examine her before she walked out the door.

I even washed her coat, because he'd mentioned that he thought it looked dirty...so I even made sure it was clean before he came and got her....how dare I not check the child for socks?!?! I should be flogged.

While he was here, before my nice phone conversation, he mentioned he needed to buy more minutes for his phone, I said "I think they sell them at the convenience mart, do you want me to call and check?" He said "Yes" So I called them, and they do, but their machine is broken, so they couldn't sell him one.

I wish I could be perfect like him LMAO

Oh, by the way....that letter is already in the mail, no turning back now....I am also sending her the letter, so she knows that I sent it, and I'm not trying to be shady, but I am sending it a day or two from now, because in this little burb, if you mail something in the morning...it gets there the same damn day.....I would like her employer to receive theirs first.

I am also going to let him know (as by the looks of him he is NOT showering at her house) that he is still welcome to shower here if he needs to.


-Caren

<small>[ January 17, 2005, 05:37 PM: Message edited by: CarenMc ]</small>

Way to go Caren. I'm proud of you. I think plan B will do you some good. Just keep trying to be pleasant with him (I know it's hard, it's something I really struggled with so do as I say not as I do ;-))

Caren,
My first thought is WHY would you let him still shower there? Plan B is about YOU and you need peace. Having him in and out of YOUR house is not going to give you that peace. Also, it is about letting her meet ALL of his needs. You opening up your house to let him shower, means that your still meeting his needs. I hope more experienced people help you out, because I sure have a lot to learn about this whole thing, but that is just my advice.

Danielle

She is not in plan B yet. She is getting ready for plan B after tax day

OHHHH see I missed that. Sorry! My mistake!

When I read 'the letter is in the mail' I thought the Plan B letter. Now I realize what she meant, the OW exposure letter... I apologize!

Danielle

LOL Thanks for explaining for me Ken...lol

Well he came back and dropped off DD10, and she had something in a bag I couldn't see....so she went upstairs and hid it.

He kept rubbing his hands together, and I said "Are you cold?" He said "No my hands are so damn dry" I said "Well come here...and I put some hand cream on them" Then he said "Do you have a needle? I have a splinter." So I got him a needle, and he was struggling with the splinter...I said "Here let me help you" So I got the splinter out for him. Then I said "You know, you're still welcome to take a shower here." He said "Nah, don't worry about it, I'll just wash up at the shop" (ICK) I said "Well it just seems silly to me for you not to just come over here and shower, I won't bite" So by the time he left he agreed that he would indeed come over in the morning and shower.

I went to pick up DD19 at work, and while I was in the car with DD10, she said "I asked Daddy if he was going to buy you a birthday present" (it's Saturday) He said "I'll probably get her a card. She said "Well can I get her one (since they were at Walmart)" He said "Yes we'll buy her one" So she said it's a present from both of them....LOL (I'm sure she picked it out).

I am going out to dinner with my friend on my birthday, so I don't feel crappy about not being with him that day.

So anyway, I'm Plan A-ing again...until tax time....although he's about to be pissed off again once the OW's company and the OW get the letter.

-Caren

So, he continues to follow the script. This is why BSs should not get caught up in the day-to-day ramblings of insane people.

So, Plan A him now...and begin to prepare for Plan B. You now have exposure. You know things are getting crazy for him in other areas. You are Plan Aing him (and I wouldnt doubt if he started back up with the SF again). Now, you just get everything ready and your plan in place for when you have to go dark.

I am pretty sure your husband sounds like you will have to go to Plan B before he will make a move. He seems like one that wont make the hard decision until it gets real painful. I might be wrong.

That being the case, Caren, you have to know that you are in control now. Here is a man that was spitting-nickels-mad at you just a day ago, and now he is coming over to shower...and asking you to remove splinters and rubbing handcream on. If this all wasnt so serious...it would be damn funny! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

It is going to get even "funnier" so stand back and get ready. I am starting to take odds on which WS will break first and come back...yours, Alank's, Tanelompete or Georgia Guy. All of you are turning the corner. Again, no guaratees that any of them come back...but odds are if all four of you do this right, we should see at least 3 out of the four home where they belong.

So, keep it up. He has no idea what he is doing. You do.

In His arms.

<small>[ January 17, 2005, 10:55 PM: Message edited by: Mortarman ]</small>

WH called last night, to tell DD10 goodnight, from his cell phone,well I was waiting for her in the bedroom...she was looking for something, so I was talking to him (He wasn't at home), I said "Where you at?" He said "At home" I said "Oh, why would you use the cell then?" He laughed and said "I dunno, just wanted to start using the minutes." (yeah, cuz that makes sense) he told someone to "shut up" (I KNOW it was a dog by the way he said it) I said "Who are you talking to?" He said "The dogs" (Meaning our dogs...well I know what OUR dogs sound like, and that wasn't them), I said "Oh" Then I laughed and I'm like "I don't know where that girl ran off to (meaning DD10)" so I yelled for her again, and she said "Hang on a minute Mom" So I laughed and said "I don't know what she's doing" He said "Tell her I'm on the phone" So I said "DD10!! You're Dad is on the phone." So she finally comes in and talks to you, asks the same question I did "What was that?? Was that the dogs?" He said "Yes" She talked to him, did her normal nightly routine talk, and then hung up. Well he has to pick her up for school tommorrow, and she has an after school reading program she goes to, so she suddenly remembers and needs to call him back to "bring her a snack" (apparently his are better than mine) and to make sure he remembers it's 3:30 not 2:30 that he needs to come and get her. So she calls his house......no answer, machine picks up. So she calls his cell. She said "I thought you said you were at home" to which he must've answered "I am" She said "Why wouldn't you answer your home phone if you were home?" He said "Oh the dogs knocked the cord out of the wall" She said "You have 3 phones, did the dogs knock the cords out of ALL your phones?" I guess he told her yes to that too, so then she told him what she needed to tell him and got off the phone. She KNOWS he's lying to her. She looks at me and said "Yeah I guess the dogs knocked the cords out of every phone Daddy has" I said "Yes, I heard you, I can tell you know that's not the truth." She said "Yeah" I said "Well, make sure to pray for Daddy, because we're not supposed to lie" She said "Okay" and leaned over and kissed me and said "Goodnight Mommy, I love you, God Bless You." (She's been sleeping in my bed since this all happened).

Oh my gosh I almost forgot, when he was here yesterday, DD10 asked him if DD13 could go see his new apartment when he took her to see it. He said "Yes, if she wants to". Well last night on the phone she said "Daddy, can Mommy come with us to see the new apartment to?" and he said "Yes punkin" LMFAO!!!! We've gone from me not getting to know where he lives to him driving me over there and giving me a tour....I'm cracking up.

Well gotta get these children up and ready for school, and I have my intensive outpatient treatment thing today 10-3:30, and my Dad is also in the hospital (they're hydrating him before they do his heart cath tommorrow), so I'm gonna be a busy girl today (Not to mention I PROMISED the girls we'd do this pilates exercise tape I bought when they got home from school...kill me now...it's a 45 minute workout, I'm not sure why they're trying to kill me LMAO) No seriously, I want to start doing this tape, not because I'm overweight, but I could definitely use a little getting in shape....more working on me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> And I asked my Mom to give me the money to get my hair done for my b-day (since I'm broke...and I have roots again)

Okay, better get a move on it, I'll check back when I get home....before the physical torture begins <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

-Caren

Okay...I guess 1 more post b4 I go.

He never came over for the shower thing...I know he spend la noche @ her house, and he doesn't have to be to work until 1, so.....who knows what he's doing.

That's all LMAO

-Caren

Okay, well after my last post, I called my WH, thought he was coming over to take a shower.....he didn't answer home or cell. He returned my call from his cell phone sounding sleepy. I said "Where are you?" He said "Home still in bed" I said "You are not home....I know you're at Shannon's it's all out in the open, you don't have to lie anymore" He said he wasn't lying. I said "Okay, so if I go by your house right now, you're gonna be there?" He said "Yes" I said "Okay, on my way" and hung up. I put my hair up and washed my face, the phone rings, it's him on his cell again, I didn't answer. He said "Caren, pick up", but instead I just walked out the door. His car was NOT at his house, he was at her house, well drove by there too...no WH car (but could've been hiding it) Then he said "I told you that I wasn't coming to take a shower" I said "No, I thought we'd decided you would" He said "Nahhh I'll get up and take a shower here in a few minutes" I said "At your house? You have no water" He said "Sure I do" I said at the house on XXXXX Drive? He didn't say anything, he's implying he already moved (I doubt this, but maybe) Then he starts in with the "Man your P.I. wasn't very good if he doesn't know where I am now." (Never really had one) I said "Well I just needed to find out that you were actually having an affair, now that I know I don't really need a P.I. anymore" But in the same conversation, he said that his phones were messed up at his house that's why he was using the cell.....excuse me, you just implied you were at the other house. (I didn't say that..but was thinking it).

So then I leave here to go to therapy, and I have 2 pairs of WH'S boxers here, and I grabbed them and drove to where OW's work is, with every intention of walking in that store, handing her the underwear and saying "Now I'm sure he's told you we haven't been having sex, but he bought these underwear since we've been split, and I found these on my bedroom floor and washed them."

I drove around the parking lot 3 times before deciding not to do this, and going ahead to group. I left group an hour early....I think it's starting to hit me, I'm just exhausted. I gave them some excuse and left and came here...I just want to sleep for a while....I'm just fried.

I think I love busted by driving around like a retard trying to prove he was lying, I've got to stop myself from doing that crap.

SO anyway, I'm gonna get off of here and take a nap until about 3:30, take a shower, get all pretty, then go pick my daughter up from his work.

I still want to give the OW the undies, but I'll wait until the letter to her employer gets there, so I'll already be in trouble with him......I want her to know that I'm not the ONLY one he's lying to.....stupid B*TCH.

comments? LMAO

-Caren

Caren, you got your proof not stop focusing on your WH. Start working on you! Caren, this is your opportunity to be the better person. Stop getting drawn into his drama. Take care of you and your DD. I cannot emphasize enough how unattractive it is to get caught in the escalation of emotions. Keep going to your therapy and really put the focus back on yourself. Your WH will self destruct without your help.

{{Caren}}

So wrap them in pretty wrapping paper (so that she has to work hard to open it), with no card. Have it delivered to her work and hope she opens it infront of her co-workers. Leave a small note that says, something like: 'H left these over at our house. He can't seem to remember which house he showers at..... today he said you needed this to help him remember. signed his w' LOL!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

L.

Caren, I have to agree with FF.

I focussed on my WW and OM so much it ate me up. I did some things that I wouldn't normally do and ultimately pushed my WW away from me. Try and not live on emotion, I know it's hard, but if you can think rationally it will only help you. My emotions were all over the place and they controlled me. As a result my WW is now my STBXW and it doesn't look like that will change at all either. I will be just another of those in divorce court even though I still love my wife. That will make it difficult for me down the road in another relationship. I mean if I still love my WW, how will I ever be able to commit to another woman?

Caren,

Why do you tolerate him having marijuana in the house?

Andrew-

I don't know, why do I tolerate him having an affair and still want him back?

-Caren