With this past week of being served dpapers, problems with a hormonel 14yr boy etc....I went to speak to our priest tonight.

It was a world of difference between speaking to him and the IC we have been going to for the past year!! We discussed many issues, but when I left him tonight he gave me something that hasn't been there for awhile....hope. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Thru our discussion he presented me with some information in reference to the "retrouvaille program", a web site and some names of other couples the could be of assistence/support.

I'm going to attempt to get my WH to go <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> (or at least go speak to one of the priest- since all of this has started he has stayed wayyyy clear of our church)

Anyone ever heard any information on this?

Do a search on "retrouvaille". I think you will find threads asking the same question.

L.

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 02:49 AM: Message edited by: Orchid ]</small>

Hi,
I don't post very often but I just wanted to let you know that my husband and I went to retrouvaille while we were separated last fall. The program is wonderful. Just realize that you cant fix everything in one weekend but you are given the tools to work on better communication skills. My husband went reluctantly, it was a last ditch effort. We both got alot out of it (lots of tears on both our parts.) I would like to say it was a miracle, we are back together and really trying but it's not all rosy. It important to do the follow ups, we didn't because they were 3 hours away. We are hoping to be able to go this year to follow ups.\
It is well worth the money and I would recommend it to all.
Good luck
SH01

We went to an RV weekend last year. That and the follow up weekends were a real help. W had moved out the month before and I really thought it was the end. The weekend was intense to say the least. After, I had my first glimmer of hope. I date the start of our recovery on that weekend.

RV is for M's on life support. It is a last ditch type effort. Most WS’s will not at first want to go, I think. I saw this in soem otehr couples after we got there and W tried to back out at the last minute too. I made a deal with her that if at the end of the weekend she still wanted a divorce (she was deep in withdrawal and still in sporadic contact with OMM at the time) I would not fight it. At the end of the weekend she wanted to try to recover, at least. By the sixth follow up weekend wrote her NC letter to OMM and an apology letter to his wife.

Note that OP is supposed to be out of the picture while attending. It is one of their requirements.

Here’s a link: Retrouvaille

We have since written our story and think, at some future date, we might become presenters. But W is still too embarrassed right now. I hope we can get more involved soon. I feel a need for further involvement for my own well-being.

Good luck,
T

(Edited to fix link)

<small>[ January 19, 2005, 11:13 PM: Message edited by: Thos ]</small>

I'm been reading some more on this program, and I like what I'm hearing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I know it will be hard work for us both, and I'm hoping he will be willing to go...there is so much anger right now on both of us though...if we make it to the weekend it will be a mircle!!

I have some questions though...you can email me at: alijaz89@yahoo.com if you don't mind

Our recent counsler seems so anti marriage - its so easy to look at conflicts, I think it will be good to hear some pro marriage views - for both of us

thanks

allirose, you have mail.

T

we also went to retrouvaille. i am ashamed to admit this but i was not being honest back then and OM was not completely out of the picture at all. I honestly felt actions with OM was not hindering my ability to "work" on my marriage. sounds really stupid when i type that out now.

it was not a miracle weekend for us but it was a HUGE step in that it taught us how to communicate and understand each others emotions. we went to the followups, which were over an hour travel time each way. they are very much worth it.

My H and I are currently proceeding through the follow up sessions and are a little more than half way through. My H and I are also going to MC. While we are still seperated, the work we are doing has been bringing us closer together and I feel we won't be seperated much longer.

We went to Retrouvaille two years ago ... it is an excellent program ... but it won't work at its fullest if there is still contact with OP ... any contact ...
I suspected WH (at that time) was having an affair and he kept denying it. I got the information from the church bulletin and talk to him about it ... told him that it was not a good program if there was a third party involved ... he kept saying 'the third party' was in my head ... he agreed to go ... I guess mainly to 'show' me that there was no affair and that I was getting cuckoo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

The program is intense ... boot camp style ... but we got a lot from it... at least I did ... we went to the follow up sessions and to the CORE meetings ... until I had DD in 10/03 ...
Then in November when I accidentally opened his cell phone bill ($300!!!) and after creating an account an seeing all his calls from the last year 01/04 ... I was devastated to find out that even during the Retrouvaille weekend he was calling OW ... that when we were suppose to be working in our marriage, he was still with her ... for the follow up sessions, he would call her before and after <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Then on August (first false recovery), he agreed once again to go to the program ... until a week later he started to say that he was confused ... I cancel the registration <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I repeat, it is a great program ... they will teach how to talk, read and write ... and work in your communication skills ... so from that point of view, I can say we both learned a lot ... Good luck!!!

We went to Retrouvaille in the midst of the A. I was half-hoping the program would convince WS to end the A -- nope. BUT it did open a little door of hope for our M. The program provided a place where we could make some kind of emotional connection again. I had enough hope to continue Plan A and WS was able to see what he might be losing.

We didn't finish the follow up sessions cuz we would get into huge arguments every time -- remember A was still ongoing. Now, we would like to go back and finish them.