hi picklesaresour,

Yeh, I don't think his mom knew how their relationship was. So i'm going to email her back and tell her what I think and how I think the OW has an influence on him.

Errr... had another talk with him today and came to work late. I'm almost ready to throw in the towel. I don't know if i can do this anymore... I'll be back to post again.

I received another reply from my MIL. She obviously didn't know about my H's R with his exGF and after replying to her what I knew she now realizes why my H feels empty and unhappy. She basically advised me to do Plan A.

This morning, I confronted my H about working on our M and I brought up the OW... he continues telling me that there is nothing left for me, its not going to work and to get over it. He said he was pressured to marry me and has been forcing himself since we decided to get married. I asked him if he talks to the OW about us and he said he doesn't. He's always had feelings for her but doesn't think that has anything to do with the way he feels for me.

I know I should continue Plan A but I don't think it has an effect. I admitted to him that I made our R difficult and I have worked on myself so please give us a try. But after hearing this over and over again, its tough to Plan A when I think its losing its effect.

I see PLAN A as being about controlling YOURSELF and changing YOURSELF. It is YOUR PLAN. Don't PLAN A with a goal of it changing him or you seeing AN EFFECT. Come up with a plan that will help YOU IN THE LONG RUN. I continue with MY PLAN A to this day even though well into recovery.

MY PLAN includes: working out, self-exploration, self-improvement, showing love and appreciation to the important people in my life which includes my FWH...

Your WH is in a fog while involved in the A. It will take time and patience for him to get out of the fog.

Thanks mimi,

Okay, continue working on myself... forget about the effects. I have to keep that in my mind. And I need to find patience. I keep wanting to kick him out so he can enjoy himself without me and the baby.

How long do I wait around for him to get out of the fog? Maybe he really wants out (with or without the OW)?

FOCUS ONLY ON YOURSELF AND NOT HIM AT ALL.

Read over your last post again. You continue to want to change him. I understand. I did it, too!

Get busy with what you can control. Clean out some closets. Throw away stuff that brings back bad memories. Play with your baby. Take a walk in your neighborhood if you can.

Your WH is an alien. He does not speak your language. He is in a different world now.

It is your job to maintain your own sanity now so that you can be OK when he returns back to normality.

Well I just noticed that he's sending out job applications for jobs in other states. He wasn't even trying to hide it. I know before he wanted a job anywhere besides here but now that the baby is here... does he really think he's leaving?!?!