Ok, I'm sticking my neck out here, but here goes:

It's been a long time now (since last May) that I have known. Got my evidence, exposed in Sept. He will not talk to me about it. Typical fog stuff. Will not acknowledge A, rewriting history, everything is my fault, etc. typical.
Since exposure, his physical contact has all but stopped, I believe, but the EA continues.

SH does not recommend Plan B yet.

I have two questions. Since Christmas, we notice a change (DS & I). More attention to work, less time away from work, Grumpy at times, but then really really friendly and nice at times. I assume that is the rollercoaster. Last week big argument - went on for hours - he threatened to leave (whooppee do)
1. if I kept having him followed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> and/or
2. unless I promised never to reveal my evidence to OWH in case of divorce. He is trying to protect OW because she wants a divorce. He even wants a meeting with my lawyer and PI. (without me present. Ha)

My questions: Is it normal for the WS to act happy and friendly and normal? If he were in withdrawal would he not be continuously angry, sullen, depressed? Is he happy acting because now he thinks "he's got one on me?" I think he thinks that since he's not seeing her physically any more it is "over" but I am 98% sure they still talk daily and leave messages etc. and they have "secret" cell phones (prepaid). He bought more minutes for the phone last week.

Also, he is pushing to get new wills written for both of us with medical directives and stuff and a will for my mother. Now my mother's will would leave everything to me. He told me last month that "he was in this marriage on a day-to-day basis. " Last week he said "You're not my wife anymore." And now he wants me to sign a will that leaves everything to him? I guess I need to know from someone with more experience if any of this means anything.

I am thinking he is not seeing her, tapering down, maybe going to end the A.
I think he is spending more time working and less time at the motel or back seat with her because they can't see each other as much. Good sign? or not?

I think the wills and future thinking indicate that he really has no intention of leaving the marriage. Good sign? or not?

I also think there is a great possibility that they are laying low, biding their time, and planning to start up the PA again if he can control me and my evidence. I would like to be hopeful, but the messages are mixed, and I am afraid I am finding false hope.

Would welcome opinions from anyone who has been through this to see if this is normal-

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And now he wants me to sign a will that leaves everything to him </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I dunno why, perhaps watching too much CSI, but that one scares the bejeebers out of me. I wouldn't change a darn thing till you know the outcome of YOUR plans, not his.

Wait and watch on this one. Give babble answers to his requests to change YOUR will. Tell him it's okay with you if he changes his.

Stay SAFE!

Love you Starz!

Hey Starz, it is funny but near the end of my H's first A he insisted on getting our wills written and a living trust set up. At the time I thought it was his way of "taking care of business" before he left me for good and I was so angry I asked the attorney for the trust what would happend if we d'd? Well, in retrospect I think my H was just in the beginning stages of seeing himself as being responsible for me and our children. He was actually trying to do the right thing. About a month after we did the wills he insisted again on a D and I said "fine, as long as you agree not to change our wills and trust". Of course he was just going through withdrawl. I just didn't know it at the time.

Hugs, Starz. You are such a strong woman!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And now he wants me to sign a will that leaves everything to him? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> This alarms me. Starz, I know your sit, and I just can't understand IB's motives for this. Sorry, Love, but this is scary.


I'm guessing he is angry when he feels you are distracting him and taking time away from Curly, but when he has had a fix, and it all went well he is being nice. So basically stay out of his way, and allow him to have his fling and all is well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Jelly

BTW Starz, I just read what Kimmy and Jelly posted to you. Our wills leave everything to each other and it is all in a living trust. We set this up so our children would be cared for. If he said specifically about leaving everything to HIM, that would bother me too. Hmmm...just what is he thinking anyway? Tell him you would be glad to set up a living trust with all of your joint assest going to your survivers. Also, remind him that the trust is revocable at any time by either of you. That way he won't get any weird ideas. Do you live in a community property state? Here in Ca we do so it wouldn't matter my H would get it all anyways. Ok, now I am babbling like the idiot I am. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

starz,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> also think there is a great possibility that they are laying low, biding their time, and planning to start up the PA again if he can control me and my evidence. I would like to be hopeful, but the messages are mixed, and I am afraid I am finding false hope </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When I first came to MB I was warned by a lot of vets here to NEVER believe anything the WS says in a positive or negative manner. Do not try to interpret your WS's actions. Your rational mind does not process information nor make decisions in the same mindset that the WS's do.

I have learned to NEVER see anything in a positive light, short of an NC letter. It makes for a tough time short term but makes long term emotional management MUCH easier.

Stay off the rollercoaster.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by starz:
<strong> 2. unless I promised never to reveal my evidence to OWH in case of divorce. He is trying to protect OW because she wants a divorce. He even wants a meeting with my lawyer and PI.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What doesn't OWH know? Why not?

WAT

I hesitate to give advice but I think hes a snagga short of a barbie right now.

I'd do a will leaving all to a trust for the kids with your Mom or another relative as executor and ask him to do the same.

I dont think you should pay attention to what he says until his actions start backing up all his proposals.

Just my own idiot thinking on the sit.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by starz:
<strong>SH does not recommend Plan B yet.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What does SH say to those 2 questions ? ... even in plan A you suppose to expose and not enable the A. Like WAT asked, why not ? What reasons that SH told you to avoid this if SH told you not to ?.

I would never trust WS in the fog and throw their plan/fantasy off course.

-rh-

WAT & Redhat - OWH knows what evidence I have (generally) I told him when I exposed to him. Even my lawyer offered to let him see the evidence. He said no, he wanted to work on his marriage. I have not contacted him again - he is useless.

SH does not recommend Plan B yet - at least, not the last time I talked to him. Everything was revealed to OWH, but he has not seen the actual proof: e mails, pictures, video, hotel records, etc. He can, of course subpoena it if he goes to D. That is what has them scared. They don't want to evidence to become public. He wants to "protect" Curly (OW).

These two questions I have not had an opportunity to ask Steve yet. I will, but I just wanted to know if anyone who had been through this saw any of this as a sign of withdrawal, or just another smoke screen.


FF -- We have a trust. Non - revocable. Our previous wills (community property state) simply left mine to him, and his to mine. We did that on advice of a lawyer, because the estate would be sizable and we were trying to avoid inheritance taxes. They need to be redone because they are out of date since we no longer have minor children. I just don't like the timing of it all.

Could be either withdrawal, smokescreen, or desperation.

Face it > you've got 'em by the 'nads.

Of course you know to safeguard that evidence.

The fairytale ending would be that you destroy all the evidence as a token of trust, forgiveness, and faith in your H, he realizes this, and you recover and live happily ever after.

Yep, a fairytale.

WAT

WAT- yep fairy tale.

THEIR version of the fairy tale is: H & I "reconcile" - he breaks off with her
As a sign of trust, I destroy evidence
She divorces her H, knowing there is no longer any evidence.
H divorces me, ditto above.

NOT GONNA HAPPEN. Evidence is safely locked up in my lawyer's office. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks for your reply. I respect your opinions a great deal.