tireman....I might know a place where you can get some help if this is for real. Write me: starfish4729@gmail.com

Tireman,

If you didn't want help from us, you wouldn't have posted, you would have simply just disappeared.

You're calling out for help, and that's OK. It would be easier for us to help you if we knew who you were. But it's not a requirement.

Someone else on the "Recovery Forum" posted some stuff under a new screen name. Stuff they were embarrassed to say under the name we knew them. To me it's all about honesty. We don't really know each other anyway except for those fortunate to meet in cities with other MBers. So what difference does it make?

In a sense posting under a new name has a dishonest feel about it. Far more harmful to you, posting in deceit than coming clean and being radically honest with us. Dishonesty is a slippery slope it's way too easy to get lost, and way to hard to climb back out. Think about it.

Tireman - please respond to our posts.

I don't care what name you use, what you did was wrong, but can be forgiven. You need this board, and you need to ge to a counsellor ASAP - today if possible. Also call SH. And listen to what everyone is saying. If you want to talk about this privately, use my email addy - it's in my signature. From what I gather you were drinking last night? That can tend to remove anyone's sense of right and wrong. While that's no excuse, it still can help you understand your pain. I was thinking about you last night while trying to sleep - I thought about Lot and what his daughters did - not DIL, actual DDs. And yet God fogave him. There is healing to be done, and you need to start now.

And it is also true - posting under a different name is dishonesty - don't start that cycle already. It's a bad sign of trying to hide an A...

I've been thinking about changing my name - but for a different reason. I have the feeling my XOW is reading my posts, and this bothers me because that gives her information about my M that she wanted years ago - info that I don't feel belongs to her. Still debating that.

David

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 10:14 AM: Message edited by: tanelornpete ]</small>

thanks OG

I am SHOCKED by everyone that has tried to shame this man. Especially long time MBers.

This man does not need to have shame thrown at him. He needs support from those that are willing to give it.

Please keep your personal attacks to YOURSELF if you choose not to support this human being in his time of severe distress.

Justpeachy -

You wrote:

<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And I take offense at you calling your son's wife, your daughter in law, a slut...SHE SLEPT WITH YOU DIDN'T SHE? You don't have the right to do that.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">While he may not have earned the right to use that name, seeing as how he did the same thing, I tend to agree with him - she is having sex with other men, and if I remember right (read his posts last night, was really tired) she is also sleeping with women? I'd tend to call her a S*** myself, and I'd be very grieved for my son...

David

Hello,

Well this is certainly as bad as it gets. Here is your son defending his country and putting his life on line in Iraq while you his father has sex with his wife behind his back. I am also disgusted that you claim she is a slut for having sex with you. Clearly you are trying to shift the blame to her because you apparently are too weak to every use the word NO.

I suggest what a previous writed suggested which is radical honesty. My guess is that you probably did not use protection since you claimed to have had "animal sex" with her. You need to tell your wife immediately. She may or may not forgive you but you need to tell her now! In addition, you need to tell your son that not only has his wife been cheating with you but she has been cheating with other men and women. Your son deserves to know all of this information so can decide how he wishes to live his life. He should have the information to decide if he wants to save his marriage or if he wants to have any relationship with you. This is the very least that you owe your son and your wife. Your son and your wife need the truth.
I will stop here because it seems unbelievable that a father could have done such a thing to his son who is putting his life on the line overseas.This is the most selfish and narcissitic thing I have ever heard of.
My guess is that you were probably planning this in your mind over time. Again the only good that could possibly come with this is that your son needs to know what kind of a wife he is married to and what kind of sadistic father he has in his life.

tireman,

I apologize for being so harsh and have removed my earlier post to you.

Please take care of yourself.. please dont hurt yourself as it would hurt everyone even more than what has happened could.

God is with you in your darkest hours..believe that. take care of yourself and please contact one of the men who have offered assistance.

LMH

<small>[ February 12, 2005, 08:42 AM: Message edited by: lovemyhubby ]</small>

I would absolutely NOT tell his son while he is in Iraq. He has way too much on his plate right now to have this dumped on him while he can't face the two people who have betrayed him.

I have a bad feeling that the son's wife might 'let slip' this happened though.

That poor soldier.

dbl post

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 11:35 AM: Message edited by: lovemyhubby ]</small>

"tireman",

Personally,I would wait to tell your son what you did.Your son has access to weapons that he could use to harm himself or other's.News like this will be SO SO shocking.I don't know how long he is going to be overseas but I would wait.It's bad enough being there going through war but then this.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Do think of him first NOW.HE should be your priority as all children must be,even grown ones,not unloading on him.

O

Geeze! Talk about beating a horse when it's down.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Tireman,

I don't post much, but had to jump on a couple of these today!
I don't blame you for using a new name, considering some of the cruel responses that I have read. Remember that a lot of these people are hurting or have been hurt badly by someone else's infidelity. What they didn't say that if their WS had posted here immediately and admitted and asked for help, things might have been a little/lot different.

You messed up - Yes. Really pretty big, well yeah..but have to agree with whoever said that it could be a lot worse and idt really could, only time and/or distance will allow you to see that.

Making a mistake, even a big one, DOES NOT make you a bad person!!! Especially if you do your best to repair the damage immediately. That includes the fact that you should not stop posting here.

I do agree that it would probably be best not to tell your son at this time. Under normal circumstances, I would advocate telling asap, but with the war and distance..I just don't know. I would be worried that your DIL would let it slip, she does sound like a S?#* and is probably then not an all around considerate person...

I myself am appalled at the stabbing responses that I have read in this thread- people come here for help - and NOBODY is perfect.

Good Luck and Hugs,
JL

The label "Posts:" below has ALWAYS tallied the grand total count of posts on every post you submit.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by jlseagull:
Remember that a lot of these people are hurting or have been hurt badly by someone else's infidelity.[/QB]</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't take this as infidelity, but as incest.
And it shoud be treated accordingly.

Arrrrgh, you guys this is cruel and unusual punishment.....we have no right to judge this man....Okay, will the person who is without sin cast the 1st stone.

As for not thinking the post is real, I think we should consider it real, until proven otherwise.

Tireman, I understand why you would post under a different name and I will talk to you if you need to talk, I will not judge you, you came here for help, therefore you must need it.

No sin is unforgivable.

With God's Love,

-Caren

tireman...
i am probably not the most intellectual person on this site but i shoot straight ....i will talk to and listen to you....everyone here has tried to help me thru my pain and if i can help one person, even myself, then i want to try

Ok, some of you are blowing this waaay out of porportion.

TM, I am gonna list some stuff based on what I read, please let me know if this recap is correct.

TM said that his W is the WS. His son is serving overseas. His DIL has been having multiple PAs and does not appear to be sorry for it or stopping. TM admits to a ONS w/DIL.

1. ONS w/DIL is NOT incest. She is not a blood relative. It is disgusting but not incest.

2. TM's W is still a WS.

3. Son may or may not know about prior infidelities by DIL.

4. TM posted and needs help.

Does this sound like a major issue? Of the above listed characters, who can we help vs who we can't help?

TM, you had a ONS of which you seem to show regret. While the act was/is wrong, your regret is a step in the right direction. Now you have the chance to move forward and do the right thing or continue as is or wallow in regret and self-pity.

I think you know enough to know that moving forward is vital to your survival. Also you have the tools to do so. Believe it or not, we do want to see you succeed and recover.

As for telling your W, well you have to temper that with her current circumstance. I recommend you talk with Steve 1st.

You have set your recovery back a few steps, but at least you have steps to move forward.

Post if you can to let us know how you are doing, if you feel comfortable enough. But work with Steve.

As for the DIL, don't answer her TXT msgs. STay away from her, she is trouble. Send NC and stay away. She may want to blackmail you. BE prepared for that.

take care,
L.

Dear 'tireman'...your situation has been on my mind all day.

As of right now, there are 37 messages to you and so far only the two from you early on.
I wonder if you are reading and seeing how many people care???

A lot of people are going to need to forgive you for what you have done BUT the main person that needs to FEEL forgiven is YOU...and you seem to have a repentent heart.

And when we 'repent', that means not to repeat the same sin and I don't think you are going to do THAT again with your son's wife, right friend?
(God forgives a repentent heart and blots that sin out as if it had never happened!)

My brother use to cut his chest with a razor blade when he felt guilty of something he had done wrong.

I kinda feel when you came here and CONFESSED, that you wanted some 'verbal beatings' as a form of punishment, a retribution for your sin...you got a few, but not too harsh of ones.

And I have a feeling that the messages that were kind, understanding and tender-hearted feel like a HUG and make you weep. (Anyway for me, a compassionate, caring hug makes me cry.)

There are LOTS of people here that care about you.
We tend to LIKE a person that is SORRY.

Sincerely, Julie <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

<small>[ February 08, 2005, 08:47 PM: Message edited by: Blessed TIME ]</small>

I have been sitting here all day doing nothing. I did post last night, because I was so ashamed. I am worse today. I sat in my char all day long in this silent empty house with a loaded pistol in my hand. I'm too scared to go on, too chickensh*t to blow my brains out.

Everything everyone has said about me is true. I can't face my son, I can't face my WW - if we ever do get back into contact. Everything has gone black, even my life.

You don't know how wrong what I did was. You can't understand it. Has ANYONE EVER DONE SUCH A THING BEFORE. I can't post under my name, because I've helped so many people thru so much - and I let them all down.

I was so drunk last night. I'm so hung over now. I'm drinking again. This is the last bottle in the damned house, and I can't even leave. I've locked all the doors, shut all the curtains. YES, I WANT HELP - BUT I CAN'T SEE HOW IT WILL COME.

I have hurt my son. How can I ever live with that.

I'm still posting, so that's good news. The more drunk I get tonight, the more I may post. But you are all right. I am a pervert, and insestual unthinking, uncaring, unnatural [censored], and it's only been sitting here readin today that's kept me here.

I can't think anymore.