For some background, I am not offhandedly saying these things, I work with young people, and the most troubled young folks I work with are those from D families.

As children, they put everything in perspective about themselves (call it the selfishness of youth), no matter what you say to them, they blame themselves.

Your oldest blames herself and feels like she has to protect the family form the harm SHE has caused (by driving daddy away).

Your middle daughter feels she can coax daddy into coming home if she is sweet enough and hides her pain and anger. It is her fault daddy is not home because she is not sweet enough.

And your son, when old enough to start figuring things out (2?) will forever think that he drove daddy away by being born.

Yes, you can protec tthem from harm, much like we protect ourselves from harm in Plan B. Help them preserve the love they have, and their own hearts by limiting contact with the WH.

Was it something I said?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StillHereMakingIt:
<strong>Yes, you have the right to limit contact with their Dad. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I must respectfully but strongly disagree with this statement.

Is there a court order in place that specifies this? Moral arguments aside, this is VERY dangerous ground. It is one thing that judges look at very carefully when deciding custody issues - even in Canada.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StillHereMakingIt:
<strong>Right now what he is doing to the kids is akin to abuse and you are telling the kids they have to put up with it because he is their dad. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Here's an argument waiting to happen. I'm not sure which side I'd take in such a case. I think I'd argue that it's not abuse, though very much akin to it, I guess. There's a line in there to differentiate, but I think it's somewhat blurry and I'm not sure exactly where it is.

dewt

I am so sorry you are going thru this. I cannot believe the hell he is putting all of you thru. Evil-just evil.

Just make sure everything you do is legal. Document all the events as they unfold and let your attorney know. I would go for full custody to protect them. Once the aliens let him go he may be decent again, but for now...

Weird. I had just come to a decision of sorts after spending a few days thinking about this. I come here, and the conversation has picked back up.

I am limiting it...to a point. I've asked that he call at certain times each day. Instead of calling whenever in the morning (sometimes), twenty times a day while they are at school (which I rarely answer), and randomly, if at all, in the the evenings, I've asked him to commit to a morning call before school and to a call each night around 7. They can talk as much as they want on the evening call.

The only stipulation I have is that there be NO talk of his coming home. My 8 year old realized he won't be home for his birthday, like he has been promising, and was just devestated. So, when he gets here and gets settled, he can tell them he's here. They'll love that surprise anyway.

I don't feel comfortable with a full out once a week thing. The girls do look forward to his calls. This way, I'm hoping that they can have some sort of regularity rather than waiting all day not knowing when or if he'll call.

If he doesn't call at the times, they can ago about their day instead of sitting around saying they aren't going out to play because they think daddy must be calling soon.

I'm also going ask the girls to not call him unless it's something pretty important. Not because I want to restrict them, but because he rarely answers anyway. They can send as many text messages as they want though. It's good spelling practice anyway.

Dork is supposedly leaving tomorrow. He's got my pick up fixed and has decided he doesn't need to have the trailer sold.... imagine that!!! He's got a dealer who is buying it (supposedly) but since Dork lost the title, the guy won't pay him until he gets a replacement title from the Washington Dept. of Licensing.
So, I hope he'll be around for them soon and that he gets a relationship back with them. That is my hope for all of them.

Anyway, I'm getting the kids ready for school. I'm hoping that this new plan at least brings some sort of regularity to all of our lives. Well, me and the kids anyway.

Good morning to all <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> I'm off to have a great day.

Sounds like a good plan to me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> .

That sounds like an excellent plan. Allows the girls to have off time from thinking about Dad.
(And you too).

It's not the Dad you are making boundaries for, but the WH...protecting the girls from the fog-bound thinking "I can call my girls anytime I want, they are waiting for my call"-WH.

Texts messages are great, gives the girls the illusion they are being listened too. The phone calls that go unanswered are hard to hear though. Good choices!!!

Dewt, don't you believe the actions by WH are hurtful to his daughters, and that FIM needs to protect her DDs from hurt too? What is this touching in you?

And yes, I agree, having contact with Dad is important, and legal, but I've seen some extreme cases of S that withhold ALL contact with kids from other S, and what will a judge do? Reprimand the S, require counseling, require contact, not much actually... I've never seen custody get handed over because of unwillingness for a S to allow contact with another S (not that I would suggest it).

Anything heard back from the CO?

I'm just wondering how you are doing. Hope things are rolling along. You must have the house on the market by now. The change will be good for all-kind of like the end of a chapter and the start of the next. I hear you when you say he has been gone for so long that the baby doesn't even know him-poor fool dork when he does wake up. He will miss the family life, his son wanting to wrestle with him. It will be another man he looks up to and calls dad. He will miss his daughter's first dates-yep-maybe even some other man will walk them down the asile. Poor fool. Faith always remember, you have done all that you can. It was and is up to him. Poor fool. He doesn't know what is going to hit him in the next year. You, my dear, will blossom. HUGS.