My parents were down visiting this weekend so I let my son miss baseball pracitce. Well, my WH called my son Friday night and started making him feel bad that he wasn't go to be at practice and he wouldn't get to see him. First of all, it's NOT his weekend and when my son is with his dad I don't call him constantly. My WH called constantly while we were out with my parents. Every time he does this my son gets upset and starts crying. He's ruining my time with my son. Why is he doing this????? I am so frustrated!!!! Whenever we go home to visit my family he does the same thing. If we are going somewhere fun then my WH tells my son that he's taking him somewhere fun when he gets home. It's like he's in compettion with me. UUGGHHH!
I'm not talking to him or answering any of his email's....what can I do to stop this crap???

Looks like someone needs to "grow up" and I am not talking about your son. I am sorry you have to go through this. I wish I had some good advice but I do not. I am sure others will. It just makes me mad to see how your WH can use your son to make your life miserable. It is not right at all. Hope it works out for you, Love

Tree-

Is he calling him on the home phone??? WTF is his problem, he was always so concerned that his wording of your divorce not upset Cam, now he's making him feel guilty for wanting to spend time with his grandparents?

Is Cam the one that answers the phone when he calls?? There is nothing in any visitation order that I know of that says you have to allow phone contact, I mean can't you let his calls go to the machine? Explain to Cam that we're gonna let Daddy's calls go to the machine, and we'll call him back later.

You are a better woman than I am, because I would have already run over his stupid [censored] with my car.

-Caren

if he's calling while you are out with parents i will assume that he's calling on your cell phone....shut the dang thing off!!!

love of a lifetime...YES...he does need to grow up!

Caren,
He calls the home phone and my cell phone. If my son doesn't call him back he just keeps calling and then leaves me a message in a rude tone of course. I'm so over it, I could puke!!!!
I think from now on I'm just going to turn my phone off when we are out somewhere.
I wish he would just go away. Maybe I could put a call in to the mothership and let them know they need to come pick up their Head Alien!!!!!!
LOL!!!

Tell your husband (or put it in writing is even better in the event there is later a battle over the issue) that his constant contact on your weekends is upsetting your son, and therefore, you will arrange for a time, for example, every Sunday at 6 for your son to call his father.

There is a difference between saying you miss the child and laying guilt on the child. (He could say for example, I miss you and look forward to seeing you, but enjoy your time with your Mommy. Rather than, I miss you. I wish I could see you.) Kids have a tendancy to take responsibility for the "left out" parents feelings...and sadly enough parents use it to get to the other parent.

Maybe there is a book you could read and offer your STBXH on divorce from the kids perspective or on how to deal with the kids and not putting your son in the middle.

As for competition, this seems sooo text book (or at least I have seen it with my parents and other divorced family members). It seems like parents feel threatened by each other's relationship with the child after divorce. The reality is, the parent who supports the other parent's healthy relationship actually ends up having the "better" relationship with the kid.

If your husband does something fun in response to something you did--don't let him suck you in. Just think, that's great for my son to get to do all this fun stuff--and express the same to your son. My guess, it will get old for your X.

Most of all, try not to let your X's behavior get to you too much. Just focus on a healthy relationship with your son, which it sounds like you are doing anyway.

BTW, congratulations on taking charge of your own life and moving forward. I have read some of your other threads and I think its admirable!!!

Good luck.

Tree, quietly document this behavior to your attorney, and tell him about a possible DSM diagnosis that is being used for alienating and manipulating parents - I got this off a web site for parental alienation syndrome information...

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">In discussing one of my cases with my professor at school, he came up with an interesting diagnosis that we might be able to use for PAS. It would encompasses all of the members of the family and has less of a negative feel to it.

DSM V62.89 = Phase of Life Problems
This category can be used when the focus of clinical attention is a problem associated with a particular developmental phase or some other life circumstance that is not due to a mental disorder or, if it is due to a mental disorder, is sufficiently severe to warrant independent clinical attention. Examples include problems associated with entering school, leaving parental control, starting a new career, and changes involved in marriage, divorce, and retirement. (DSM IV TR, 742)

With this DSM diagnosis, one can go into the courts and with something that is solid and concrete when it comes to dealing with the aggressor. And am not sure how we will be able to use this, but think about it.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

TR:

Been faced with similar experiences. Within the last month; I researched and found a child-counselor (teen-counselor) for DD13. DD has been to only 2 sessions and is already becoming lighthearted and fun again. At DD's request; WXW will be attending today's session with counselor, which should make for an interesting hour! A counselor will talk to WH and put a stop to nonsense like what you're describing. (Be sure to get a counselor who is recognized by the courts!)

WH is actually using your S to get to you. (Remember - WH remains fog-bound.) Don't allow it, but don't get into verbal sparring either. Just handle it as a concerned parent and let the counselor handle issues w/S and WH. It will remove stress from you as well!

Important: Be sure to interview 2-3 counselors before choosing one. Be frank w/counselors about A situation. Ask S if he would rather talk to a man or woman. Match your spiritual beliefs. And lastly; offer to WH what you're doing and suggest that he attend the interviews as well. (He won't, but it is good that you offered!) Do all of this in writing and/or include conversations w/WH in your journal. Good Luck! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

FR

nikko...I will turn my phone off from now on.

Freefrom lies...I'm trying my best to be the best parent I can for my son. It just angers me so bad that my WH chose this and I'm left behind to pick up all the pieces. He gets to go on his merry little way with OW and I'm here dealing with all the responsibilities of taking care of the house, animals, bills and my son. My WH doesn't see what my son goes through on a daily basis. Yet, he likes to tell me that I'm not spending quality time with him. I'm so over it!!!!
I am moving on with my life and I'm actually happy whenever my WH doesn't do something stupid to stir the pot.

KaylaAndy....thanks for that info.

Fishracer.....thank you.....I will check out the counselors. I had mentioned that my son should go before but my WH was so against it. He thinks they are all quacks. I tired to get him to go to MC but we only made it to 1 session and he canceled the rest of them. He says they don't know what they are talking about. I personally think he just has a hard time with someone telling him he's wrong!

Fishracer.....thank you.....I will check out the counselors. I had mentioned that my son should go before but my WH was so against it. He thinks they are all quacks. I tired to get him to go to MC but we only made it to 1 session and he canceled the rest of them. He says they don't know what they are talking about. I personally think he just has a hard time with someone telling him he's wrong!

I hope I didn't imply you are being a bad parent. You DON'T sound like that at all!! I was just trying to help give a positive focus to deal with such an unpositive situation.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Freefromlies...No, I didn't think that's what you were saying...I guess I just got to ranting there..LOL!
Thank you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Change your cellphone number.
You leave too many open ways for him to get to you.

You see...if you really really remove yourself from this NOW...you can move further ahead..and be one step ahead of him as opposed to reacting to his nonsense.

How long did you go on reacting to the emails before you finally said enough ?

Do NOT allow this to go into the same pattern. Pick up the phone RIGHT now, and change your cellphone number.

Take control of YOUR life. There is NO reason in the world for WH to have your cellphone number. In the event that DS needs to contact you when he is visiting with his dad, you can either be home, OR have the home phone FORWARD the calls to your cellphone, or a mediator.

He is creative in finding new ways to irritate you, it's become necessary for you to HATE him. Don't you see this by now ? If he creates enough chaos..that you grow to HATE him...than quicto chango..it's magic..he is not free from all guilt because..well..you hate him.

CHANGE THE NUMBER.

Geezz...what's wrong with me...I truly didn't even think of changing the number and having the calls from home forwarded to my cell. I'll check on that today. The only thing with that is....what if I'm out and need to contact my son ....my number will show up on his cell? God...why do I even have to go through this crap? So, frustrating!
Ok, I'm off to the beach today. I'm going with a friend. I need to go relax in the sun.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Geezz...what's wrong with me...I truly didn't even think of changing the number and having the calls from home forwarded to my cell. I'll check on that today. The only thing with that is....what if I'm out and need to contact my son ....my number will show up on his cell? God...why do I even have to go through this crap? So, frustrating!
Ok, I'm off to the beach today. I'm going with a friend. I need to go relax in the sun.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

>>>>Maybe there is a book you could read and offer your STBXH on divorce from the kids perspective or on how to deal with the kids and not putting your son in the middle.<<<

WAIT!! Tree is not getting a divorce...she's getting a dissolution!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">>>>>Maybe there is a book you could read and offer your STBXH on divorce from the kids perspective or on how to deal with the kids and not putting your son in the middle.<<<

WAIT!! Tree is not getting a divorce...she's getting a dissolution!!
_________________________________________________

Too funny! You are right...I'm getting a dissolution. LOL! He apparently has been ready a ton of books and it isn't helping. I get his bank statements and he's spending all of his money on books and dinners with the OW. He's also joined a baseball team where he had to pay $210, yet, I get nothing for child support. Nice huh????