Here is an excellent thread Bob Pure posted a while ago for newly betrayed spouses. Please take a look at it too.

Suzet

Hi Suzet

I havent read it all yet but so far Bob pure is spot on about how it makes you feel and what it does to you.I will continue reading.WOW,it touched so many places as to where I am at the moment.I just cant make up my mind to take the first step and its driving me mad.EW

Hi again EW.
I think you are going to have to take the first step. Just read up on the material on this site before you do. It really does work.

RIF

I read one of your posts where you stated that your W cheated on you repeatedly in the first 3 years of your M.How did you handle and where did you muster up the patience?Please forgive me if I misinterpreted your post.EW

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Elegantly wasted:
<strong> How did you handle and where did you muster up the patience?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey EW - After the "first" A that I actually knew about I was depressed. I was suicidal. I was probably homicidal as well so thank goodness that my brother took my guns away from me.

Our daughter was less than a year old, so for me, I was determined to do my best to try and save our M for our daughter.

After a couple of months of raging at my W and checking up on her, we both just got so tired of it and we basically started acting like it never happened. My W was very careful to do all of the "right things"... so I though things were getting better.

She had 4 more A's after this one and I learned of one more that she had 3 months after we were married.

For me, I guess the only thing that kept us together was my desire to keep our family intact and my faith in God...

10 years after her last A, she finally confessed to all of her past A's... It was like D-Day all over again for me. I made the decision to stay in our M and this time, I was determined to deal with all of our issues once and for all.

I can't stress the importance of finding a pro-marriage MC. If you do decide to stick with it and rebuild your M, you are going to need more than just the comments from others that have gone through all of this... you're going to need a professional MC to help guide you and your W as you both work through the many issues of her A.

Hope this helps... Semper Fi,
RIF

RIF

I take my hat off to you to be able to work things out after so many A's.May you reap the rewards for being so forgiving.

I have also started praying to God and asking him to assist me in forgiving my W.I carried my wedding ring in my wallet for quite a while and my wallet got stolen 3 weeks ago with the ring in it...I took it as a sign.

Perhaps I shouldnt be so hasty now,I was gonna file for divorce next week but Ill put it on hold for a while.I just wish that my WW could find a site like this one and know that there is hope after she betrayed me,also understand why she betrayed me so we can address the issues we need to.

There was an incident involving the OM three months before I found out about the A.She said then we should go for councilling,we never got round to it for financial reasons.If I knew what I know now,I would have borrowed the money and just gone <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> EW

OK,I thought long and hard about this and....I dont think shes coming back(even though theres been no communication) and I dont think she loves me.The OM is providing for her EN and as a result shes let me go.What now,how do I move on and say goodbye to the last five and a half years?EW

Plan A and B

Go to the main page. At the top of the page there is a tab called ARTICELS. Click it and the fourth question is about the plans.

RHM

Thanks RHM,but do the plans apply when only one person wants to reconcile.EW

No. Sorry. I really didn't want to say this but I'll be honest. Plan B is you break of contact with her untill she does with the OM. It's arisk to make her see who she wants and that you won't accept the affair going on. Sorry to say it sounds as if she made her choice. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I really feel for you. Just a sugestion. You said property is involved. Get a PI to follow her and take pics. You can use them in court to keep the property. I really wish she would wake you and realize what she is doing. Sorry. My prayers are with you and her. The other guy isn't married I take it. Does his family know what he is doing? It may not matter to themso it might not be worth persuing

RHM,luckily no property involved.I think I need to acceot that its pretty much over and move on,but how?its been so long now and it torments me every day.To wake up and drag myself to work is an absolute mission.They say time heals all wounds,but how much time?

EW, sorry about your situation. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

As far as how long does it take to get over it?

I am 3 years past d-day, 1 year post divorce.

I'm fine. Have been for a while. Nothing has ever sucked worse, but the pain does go away. Your mileage may vary, but you will be fine too, with or without your WW.

Ever since this all happened I have been hitting the bottle.I get drunk and pass out every night,I wake up in the morning and get sick,have the shakes and things are just falling apart drastically.

My father offered me rehab a few weeks ago,I phoned him this morning and accepted.

Now im just worried about losing my job as I will be away for 3 weeeks.He said he would call my boss and explain it to her.

I really hope im doing the right thing.EW

has anybody got some advice?

Yes, take the rehab and get of the bottle. The drinking will only make things worse. I do understand where you want to do that but it pnly makes things worse when you come to. Let me go back and look at you thread and get back to you.

RHM

Ok this is how I precive where you are at. I think you have came to the conclusion to move on. Your in a lot of pain and I understand that. First you must realize no woman that you would want wants a drunk so give that up. If you have made the desision to get a D then start it. Don't have contact with the WW. Start taking care of yourself. Eat right, hit the gym and look at a new wardrobe as needed Start getting ready to inter the single world again.

You want to be at your best so when the D is final and YOU ARE READY to find another you will be ready. If this is your desision then you can do it and find someone that you can put all your love into and recieve it back from her. But don't go hunting for a new love untill you can give all your love to her and let go of your XWW. I'm sorry but there is no easy way through this. You can do it.

If you want to know for sure just go to your wife and ask her to come back one last time. Tell her she needs to come back that day or your done. You will have to make the final desision but doing it drunk won't work. This is only advice so take it to a trusted friend first. they might be able to tell you if it is he right advice for you. Best wishes and happiness.