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#1281061 02/23/05 11:37 AM
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Do not mean to hit a sore-spot with BS's, but have often wondered;

1. Do you believe in "soulmates"?

2. Can a person have more than 1 soulmate during their lifetime?

3. Please explain your belief.

I usually do not participate when I ask similar questions so in the interest of fairness; I will answer this post first!

1. Yes
2. No
3. My belief is that most, if not all of us have a soulmate. A soulmate-relationship is not so much related to destiny or happenstance as it is to the true meaning of marriage.

I further believe that the realization of who our soulmate is becomes stronger with each passing day of our M. And only upon nearing the end of our days on earth will we fully and completely realize who that person is. A soulmate is one who buys completely into the commitment, vows, beliefs, etc. to spouse and to God in marriage.

Sadly, some may also realize that they left their soulmate for the perception of a "better" someone else - which will be a tragic realization for the one who left - as it may only be realized late in life; or after the person that was left re-marries or dies.

To briefly summarize: We will only realize that we have a soulmate, and who that soulmate is after we've lived most or all of life's up's & down's together, endured them as a committed couple, love each other and realize that one will be passing on soon. I believe it will be a revelation that is made by each, recognized by an overwhelmingly positive emotion and it may or may not ever be spoken of. (Hopefully it will be!)

OK - now it's your turn...

FR <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

#1281062 02/23/05 11:52 AM
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1) If by a soulmate you mean someone who is destined to be with us no matter what then NO. I believe people fall in love.

2) I think people can fall in love many times, but can truly love one person at the time. They may feel in love with more than one person but it is not true love.

3) I also believe that some people play very important roles in our lives and there will be a speciall connection (relationship), and no matter how much we love someone else that connection will always be there. If I had to give an example of this I would mention the relationship between my FWW and her XBF. He will always be there in her heart and brain even if she loves me and not him. That's why she choose to have an A with him when things were not going well between us <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
I have to learn to live with it.

#1281063 02/23/05 11:55 AM
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Touchy subject since most WS believe the OP is the destined soulmate. Most WS believe that they were wrong to even marry BS. It's either the drift theory or the I never loved you theory or whatever. Maybe someday they come back to thinking BS is a soulmate but definitely have skewed view during the A.

I guess I'd have say that there are certain people in life that we naturally have a natural affinity for. There's people we like right off the bat. Generally, that's driven by common interests or friends. When it's Male-Female, it's probably more of a chemical sexual reaction. And how can that last?

As a BW, I'm not a good person to talk to about this. I don't really buy the soulmate thing. Try me in a few months...

#1281064 02/23/05 11:56 AM
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1. No

2. I believe I have the possibilities to have 100's soulmates. There hundreds of ladies out there who could make me completely happy and whom I could make completely happy.

The difference is that I choose a lady to marry. I choose to forsake all those other possible soulmates when I took my vows. It does not mean that I happiness would elude me in a partnership if I didn't have the particular lady that I married. I simply means I committed myself to her. I avoided and rejected feelings for other possible partners.

3. See #2

I don't believe in soulmates. Soulmate by my definition means there is one person in the world for me. I don't believe that is true for anyone. If a person ascribes to this belief, then it is easy, when things get difficult, that the person you "thought" was your soulmate is not. People who ascribe to this belief find it easy to change partners in that ever elusive chase to find thier soulmate. They keep trading, and not committing. They break thier vow and promise to forsake all others.

#1281065 02/23/05 12:01 PM
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1. Do you believe in "soulmates"?

No. I think it's a romantic or religious notion that works well in fiction but does not hold up in reality.

2. Can a person have more than 1 soulmate during their lifetime?

I think a person can be completely happy with more than one person, yes.

3. Please explain your belief.

How many people have gone from thinking they married the wrong person to building a happy, loving marriage? Also how many couples have believed they found their "soulmate" only to end up D?

Are they then doomed?

#1281066 02/23/05 12:49 PM
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A soulmate is one who buys completely into the commitment, vows, beliefs, etc. to spouse and to God in marriage. In that definition, yes. Soulmate by destiny, NO! If that were the case my H would have had two "soulmates" and I ashamedly admit to using the dreaded "s" word during my A. I do not subscribe to the belief.

#1281067 02/24/05 01:57 AM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">3) I also believe that some people play very important roles in our lives and there will be a speciall connection (relationship), and no matter how much we love someone else that connection will always be there. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sadman: A very good friend of mine subscribes to this same belief. I find that interesting!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Touchy subject since most WS believe the OP is the destined soulmate. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">GG: I know and I realize this question will be uncomfortable for BS's. I do believe that we BS's can and will meet or have already met our soulmate though and only time will tell.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If a person ascribes to this belief, then it is easy, when things get difficult, that the person you "thought" was your soulmate is not. People who ascribe to this belief find it easy to change partners in that ever elusive chase to find thier soulmate. They keep trading, and not committing. They break thier vow and promise to forsake all others.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TJ: Due to the timing; I knew this would be a tough one for you - my friend! I am sorry for that. I agree with you 100% that the types you're describing will never find what they're looking for and thus will never find their soulmate. That is the very premise of my belief: That our soulmate is never "found" but "made" through total commitment to each other through the trials of life.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">How many people have gone from thinking they married the wrong person to building a happy, loving marriage? Also how many couples have believed they found their "soulmate" only to end up D? Are they then doomed?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good questions Rob: My belief is that those you're describing are looking to "find" their SM, rather than working to develop a soulmate type relationship. I guess the key point to your question is: "...they married the wrong person...". I have always wondered how things would have turned out had WS's put forth the same effort to bettering their M that they did to having an A.

FF: Sorry to have dredged up old wounds! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

FR

#1281068 02/23/05 02:50 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Fishracer+:
[QB]
1. Do you believe in "soulmates"?
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No. I used to believe in soulmates when I was young and naive. I no longer do. I once thought I had met my 'soulmate' a long time ago. It was my experience with him however that convinced me that there really was no such thing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">
2. Can a person have more than 1 soulmate during their lifetime?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, by generally accepted definition there can be only one 'soulmate' I think - whoever your soulmate is possesses the other half of your soul right? So there can be only one.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">3. Please explain your belief. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If all of us have a soulmate out there, how are we to meet them? How will we know? By the feeling we get? By feeling 'in love?' I've been truly in love 3 times in my life. The intense feeling last about a year. After that, if you can continue being with the person and loving them and get along with them you are fortunate.

So how do you know if you've met your soulmate?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">A soulmate-relationship is not so much related to destiny or happenstance as it is to the true meaning of marriage. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't agree. Most people believe they've met their soulmate BEFORE getting married. My H did in his A. He SWORE she was his soulmate and he had missed his destiny to be with her. That was a year ago. Today, he can't understand how he could have been so stupid to declare undying love to her. 'How could he have made such a mistake' he wonders.

I don't believe my H is my soulmate and I never have. Call me bitter, cynical, an old biddy or whatever. But I've been through too many 'true love' relationships to beleive anymore in the concept of soulmates. There are probably a few dozen men in this world who I could fall in love with and live happily with.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

#1281069 02/23/05 03:12 PM
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1. Do you believe in "soulmates"?

Sort of, yeah.

2. Can a person have more than 1 soulmate during their lifetime?

Absolutely.

3. Please explain your belief.

Glad to.

There have been 6 or 7 people over the course of my life that I have just..liked at first site. Felt an instant, instinctive connection with.

Thing is, there have been as many males as females.
The guys have without fail become very close friends. Those of the ladies that I have chosen to speak to more than once have with one exception become lovers and long term relationships. The one lady who is the exception is the ex-wife of a friend of mine, so there may have been the potential for a romantic relationship there as well, but if so it was never pursued.

So, I do believe in the BAM! sudden connection that many people claim to feel for their "soulmates". Thing is, it is not a romantic thing for me. Assuming no other commitments and suitable gender, it has been a solid indication of the potential for a rewarding romantic relationship, but none of those relationships have been a permanent thing ( might just be me being hard to live with, tho).

Of the guys I have felt that connection with, 3 of them are still very close and dear friends. The fourth betrayed me by having an affair with my then-fiance, which resulted in me severing contact with him(and her). They ended up married and divorced a few years later. Wierd thing is, I still feel that connection with this guy, even after what he did. I chose not to allow it to influence me further, but it is still there ten years later.

And, as a corollary which has yet to be mentioned...

Anti-soulmatees. Have you ever met anyone that you just immediately didn't like and didn't trust?

See, I have felt that too, almost as often. Again, gender doesn't seem to figure in to it. Just an instinctive aversion.

Neither of these seem to have anything to do with common interests, or personality, or viewpoints, or values...heck, there is really nothing that has been true every time.

Maybe it is some sort of ESP, in the literal meaning. Or maybe it is some combination of appearence, pheramones...heck, maybe eye tint. No idea, really.

One thing tho. Neither the instant connection nor the instant antipathy are rational at all. Nothing to do with being well thought out, or even having any reason at all that I have ever noticed.

Thanks for asking...these questions really gave me a lot to think about.

-OAK

#1281070 02/23/05 03:18 PM
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For fun I looked up 'soulmate' on Merriam-Webster online...

a person temperamentally suited to another

could be a friendship not necessarily a romantic relationship.

I feel some kinship with MBer 'Susan' and I consider her one of my soulmates ... but I aint gonna marry her! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ February 23, 2005, 02:36 PM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

#1281071 02/23/05 03:29 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> For fun I looked up 'soulmate' on Merriam-Webster online...

a person temperamentally suited to another

could be a friendship not necessarily a romantic relationship.

I feel some kindship with MBer 'Susan' and I consider her one of my soulmates ... but I aint gonna marry her! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hey, that's what I said!

And I used lots more words, so my post is lots more better! *raspberry*

Seriously, that is, in a nutshell, exactly what I meant.

-OAK

#1281072 02/23/05 03:37 PM
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'cept I misspelled kinship

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

#1281073 02/23/05 03:44 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Touchy subject since most WS believe the OP is the destined soulmate. Most WS believe that they were wrong to even marry BS. It's either the drift theory or the I never loved you theory or whatever. Maybe someday they come back to thinking BS is a soulmate but definitely have skewed view during the A.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't know that Most WS actually believe that the OP is their destined soulmate. I think that many WS know that they actually love their BS and have no intention of leaving them for the OP. I think the allure of the OP is more like looking for something they aren't getting or simply think they need.

Any WS's out there who actually saw the OP as their destined soumate?

#1281074 02/23/05 04:23 PM
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While I believe it is possible for some people to have soulmates, those folks that you are instinctively drawn to, and seem to have known forever in the span of a few minutes, I don't know if everyone experiences this...

I have had "instant attractions", where I felt comfortable interacting with people (OAK being a great example of that), but I have never had the lasting feeling that would be indicitave of a soulmate, as it were... the feelings fade out for me in that situation. I either grow accustomed to the person being there and don't think about the attraction anymore or I forget what I saw in them in the first place if I don't see them for a while. (My ex husband, and a couple of my A's, for that matter, are good examples of this, I remember being head-over-heels for each of them, and I saw them as my soulmates then, but I certainly don't feel that connection with them anymore and haven't in a long time... in my ex-husband's case, since months and months prior to our divorce.)

Thinking about it, I can't recall a single person that I have felt "that certain something" about for more than a couple of months or so. I feel a little cheated in the biology department now that I'm thinkin about it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I dunno, maybe I'm just wierd... but I knew that already.

-FallingUp

#1281075 02/23/05 04:55 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For fun I looked up 'soulmate' on Merriam-Webster online...
a person temperamentally suited to another
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ah - PEP; you're taking my fun away!!! LOL.

Actually, Merriam Webster shows "soul mate" as two words. When you look at "soul" then "mate" separately; they take on a whole new meaning.

The answers so far are different than I expected. There seems to be a strong underlying message and I'm wondering if anyone else is catching it?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> FR

#1281076 02/23/05 05:19 PM
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I dunno

During a meditation just over 5 years ago I asked for the universe to send my wife into my life. A month or 2 later I was on a blind date with her. During that short between period I had 2 dreams of her. 2 dreams showing her at different points in time. One dream matched her apperance 5 years ago the other matches her appearance now.

A couple of months into our dating I told her that I would marry her...did not ever think of marriage before that moment, just leaned toward her and said it. A month later I had a feeling she was prego, a week after that she did the home test and confirmed it and a couple of months later we were married.

I believe that this is the women I am supposed to be with. The one with whom I will have the most opportunity for learning about people and relationships and the difference between women and men.

#1281077 02/23/05 05:37 PM
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</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Pepperband:
<strong> For fun I looked up 'soulmate' on Merriam-Webster online...

a person temperamentally suited to another

could be a friendship not necessarily a romantic relationship.

I feel some kinship with MBer 'Susan' and I consider her one of my soulmates ... but I aint gonna marry her! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Pep <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is only because I am already married and I am not interested in leaving my wonderful husband. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

I should bump an old thread <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> ...ummm...on second thought, never mind. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Susan
aka Queen and Pep's soulmate <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

#1281078 02/23/05 06:57 PM
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Hi, FR--have not touched base with you in awhile <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> , how ya doing?

Do not mean to hit a sore-spot with BS's, but have often wondered;

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">1. Do you believe in "soulmates"?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I used to, but not anymore. I think that you can connect quickly with someone and that gives that "soulmate" thing meaning. But often it's really just because of circumstances. If you let the relationship stand on its own and don't nurture it, you'll end up wondering how you ever thougnt that person was your soulmate--hence the reason I don't believe in it.

I do, however, feel that some people are better matched to each other than others.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">2. Can a person have more than 1 soulmate during their lifetime?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well, the question does not apply because of my answer to number one. But if there were such a thing, I would believe that it's possible to have more than one (too many people in the world for that not to be true...too many souls have passed through!) in a lifetime, and possibly even more than one at a time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">3. Please explain your belief.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think I already did. However let me add. I really think that whole concept is just bullcrap. It sets people up for an expectation of that butterfly feeling always being there. It narrows your options and you may not find the person who could really fulfill you. Just because someone is your "soulmate", does not mean it's necessarily good for you to be with them. Perhaps there's soemone better out there for you, even if they're not your soulmate.

Also...the whole concept worries me because I feel that my h is looking for his soulmate and I've never been his (so he says now). He feel this precludes us from having a deep, meaningful, fulfilling and happy marriage. In this context, the idea of a soulmate makes my situation seem even more hopeless than it already is.

I usually do not participate when I ask similar questions so in the interest of fairness; I will answer this post first!


I like your take on it FR, but I just don't buy it. The common idea of a soulmate is that you don't really have to work at it to have a happy relationship with them...at least not to the extent that we all do here. Your definition of a soulmate does not play into that.

#1281079 02/23/05 07:09 PM
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A while back I came across this article from the Psychology Today magazine:

http://www.freedomlist.com/forum/viewtopic.php?t=17179

#1281080 02/23/05 07:22 PM
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Hi Maddy:

Been missing you! How've you been?

I have two questions pertaining to your post/my post:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I like your take on it FR, but I just don't buy it. The common idea of a soulmate is that you don't really have to work at it to have a happy relationship with them...at least not to the extent that we all do here. Your definition of a soulmate does not play into that. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">What if the common idea of a soulmate is incorrect?

What if my definition is correct?

I met and spent time with an older couple recently who inspired me. They were probably in their late 60's or early 70's. Their faces are weathered by the sun down here and both were in good physical shape. But what I really noticed was their eyes. Their eyes were - young! Very young! Full of energy and life. And they held hands like we did in our teens and twenties. It was not forced; but natural. Like their hands fit perfectly together. They had 4 kids and I don't recall how many grandkids. I asked them about their eyes. They smiled and looked at each other - deeply! He said that God has allowed them to keep their eyes young so that they can see how beautiful the other is. (Thought I was gonna start bawling!) Turns out that they've had a pretty tough life. They had separated in their 40's. (She looked down and said she had a "momentary lapse in reality". He just smiled and held her hand.) One of their kids was dead, not sure what happened. Another was divorced and the other two seemed to be fine. They sure loved their kids and G-kids. They'd lost their fortune in a business-deal gone bad but regained enough $$ to allow retirement. I asked how. They both said: "Together"! I did let out some tears then! Couldn't help it! And it was then that I realized what "soulmate" really means - at least to them - and to me!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

FR

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