Hi all,
This is for the christians...and all those who feel that they have a genuine answer to this. (by the way i posted the same on "prayer request", but this is a bigger forum). Anyway, i have a problem. I am afraid that my FWH is now a WH. He was involved in an EA about a year ago. This coincided with the birth of my DD. It lasted about a month, and i discovered it after checking his cell phone. Anyway, he was very remorseful about it and was quite depressed for a while. We made our way to recovery, but his spiritual relationship with God remained unfullfilled. One thing that really annoyed me was that he bannished me from having access to his cell phone (he changed the access number). So i have no way of knowing who he is calling. He made an effort of coming home early, though he said he was hanging out with friends (workmates) on Fridays and Saturdays. Anyway, two days ago, a relative of mine, who was out on a date, called me and told me he had spotted my husband with some lady in a restaurant. He (my relative) was not very comfortable talking about it, so i could not fish for too many details (besides, we are not very close). So here i am, feeling like i am back to square one. Here is my question....being a person of faith, would it be sinful to hire a PI to carry out an investigation on his whereabouts?...also, should i approach him with what i know?...i am afraid he might get defensive and annoyed...and the tension will be back....somebody please give me a christian perspective....but all other comments are welcome.

Thanks

Me BS: 31
FWH/WH?: 32
DD: 3 years
DD: 1 year (oops wrote 2 yrs in other forum but she is actually 1)

Why would finding out the truth be a sin? PI's are one tool. Installing spyware on one's computer, putting voice activated recorders in vehicles, tap lines on phones, getting copies of cell and landline phone records, installing camera, etc. are just several of the tools available to gather evidence.

The question is, once you get the evidence, what are you doing to do?

L.

Why would it be sinful to hire a PI ?

Legal, morally defendable acticities in support of protecting a Godly marriage are absolutely acceptable IMO.

Thanks bob and orchid...i really appreciate your comments. i cannot get records of his telephone bills bacause he uses a prepaid sim card which is purchased from the streets (i dont live in the U.S...)...but i beleive that the PI thing should work. What am i gonna do?...ummmm...pack up and leave...i have read about plan B...but since he is paying the rent, i think i will have to be the one who leaves. I can afford a place of my own, and i can support the children comfortably on my own. If he proves that he has no contact with OW, and he agrees to MC, then maybe we can seek reconciliation....i dont know, i have this feeling that i am going to find out something nasty.. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> . he is absolutely crazy about his children, so i know it will complicate things....oh well...i hope it does not come to that.

I don't see anything wrong with a PI. I thought about it. I even considered going back to the states early and living in a hotel for a few days. I was going to rent a car and watch my W and find out what was going on. I had someone from my church talking to me about what they had seen. Not spying or following just telling me what they seen. Sorry you have this pain. Wish there was more I could tell you.

RHM

My husband and I are both Christians and hired a PI to investigate the OW. We had prayed for the truth to be revealed and this was one way we went about it. He was very discreet and the information he discovered helped us immensely when considering taking legal action against her in the way of a restraining order.

The information we found out also helped my husband to realize how lucky he was not to have gotten entangled with her permanently by leaving me to be with her.

Christians have a responsibility to expose evil in order to squash it. The bible says to "expose evil" and that is what hiring a P.I. would do. It would give you the facts [tools] necessary to, hopefully, end the affair. And God is very much against adultery.

This taboo against [justified] snooping came out of the political correctness movement, not Christianity. There is nothing "Christian" about sitting by idly by while someone destroys your marriage and family.

Thanks RHM, what you have told me really helps. You also sound like you are in quite a situation. Another thing, Orchid's question is really heavy. Could someone please give me details of exactly what i should do? Ok...i get a PI, and he tells me yes, your husband was having drinks with a lady on Friday night. Ok given that he has had EA before (i dont know OW...dont even know how she looks...it was his confession...and all the telephone calls), should i:
1) find out if his "date" is indeed the other woman;
2) approach him with the information that i have
3) move out..(or what do i do exactly?)

ok i need you help guys...am a little confused!!...and thank you once again

Mercy, first gather all of the facts and then come here and we can help you strategize. Have the p.i. get the name, marital status, everything he can on the OW, ok? You will need this info.