My husband is showing all signs of a Mid-Life crisis, turning 50, best friend died of a heart attack almost two years ago, started an affair with a woman who then moved across the country a few months later, so he told me he was going away for 2-3 months to find "meaning in his life", "nothing in common but the kids (2, under 10 years old,)"we don't communicate anymore"- of course not if he comes home at 1-2 a.m.! But it's complicated by the fact that we've been together
for 15 years but just got married (his idea, he said he was finally ready) a year ago. Three
counselors said it's a commitment problem on his part, possibly a narcissistic personality, or a
narcissistic period seen with midlife crisis.
Doesn't seem to know what he wants, affair started 5 days after we got married! He had to bag the cross country thing when I found out about the "friend" & got a LOT of info from 12 people who knew her, & turns out she's sort of a con woman who preys on confused intelligent guys with personal problems, has serious psychological problems herself. Lives with one while carrying on "relationships" with 3-4 others, trys to get money from them then moves on. He believed enough to bag the trip but not enough to break off contact completely. I love him VERY much and am mostly concerned he's mixed up in his head & doesn't know what he wants, am trying to reassure him I love him & will be here when he gets his head straightened out, trying to get him to talk to me, pay more attention to him, etc. I lost 48 lbs. since Sept! But I reread the Emotional Needs re: "Conversation" tonight & got VERY upset when it said that when one partner's Conversation turns to trying to hurt the other person, there's no hope of reconciliation. He is depressed. Also is abrupt, impatient, sarcastic, cold, acts like I can't do anything right. He is mad at me for poking into his stuff to find out about the "Friend", but says he should be grateful. Says that if he found out the same about someone I was involved with (I'm not involved with anyone)he agreed he'd have to tell me but then says he would have told me to get out. Says he thinks my reaction of trying to be understanding is artificial, then says he read that women tolerate/deal with men cheating better than men do if their wives cheat. I was hoping to get somewhat back on track by trying to keep up with conversation, even if it only means that I do more listening than talking, but was upset by that comment. I thought that the hurtful comments were part of his depressed state, and being mad at me for "invading his privacy"- elsewhere I think you've said some spouses show no remorse for an affair, I thought that was it, & he was trying to dump some of his guilt on me. Any suggestions? Any thoughts on Midlife Crisis point of view?
