Our wedding aniversary is coming up, a week from tomorrow, but we separated a week ago, two weeks by then. I know it's not too long, but it is for me, the one dealing with all the responsabilities and a baby all alone <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
I have many doubts. Should I do something to mark the date? My husband is terribly determined against saving our marriage, but I will try to work him there. Should I wait to see if he says anything, if he notices the date? What should I do?
This is the typical case the more I talk or try to persuade him to do anything, the more he'll run; celebrating our aniversary might scare him away!!! Help!

Hi Kya,

I read your post and boy do I know what you are going through. My husband 3 weeks ago let me know he isn't happy and he wants out of the marriage. We have been together 11 years (married 8 years Nov. 11th). This has been a complete shock for me and everyone else around us. I have to say though God is the one keeping me going. It seems like such a nightmare I wake up so many mornings wondering if this is a bad dream but then I realize it is reality. My husband basically is telling me the same thing that it is over and that he doesn't even want to try. I am fighting for my marriage I won't just sit back and let him do this to me. I am trusting God to deal with his heart. I just wanted to let you know I am going through the same thing. If you need to talk e-mail me at kcorbitt@cerritos.edu.

God Bless,

K

This will be a very difficult day for you. If your husband runs when you try to do things I would probably not set myself up for a big fall. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> If you plan something it would probably with some hope. You will likely be very dissappointed with his reaction. I had my birthday right after our separation. I knew it would be a difficult time for me and I let my friends know how hard the day would be. I planned to do something with my friends to get my mind off of not celebrating with my husband. It didn't take the pain away but it did buffer it and I didn't appear to be waiting around for him. He would have liked that to stroke his ego but it wouldn't have been good for me. Tell your friends your worries of the day, make some plans and (if you feel you need to) let them know you reserve the right to back out at the last minute if HE brings up doing something.

I know how you feel. Mine is on Sunday (9/8). It would have been our first anniversary. To top it off my aunt died yesterday, so we will be at the funeral home on that day. The whole family will be around, and they know nothing of what's going on. We still live together right now, but he wants out. He is just waiting for everything to go through with the sell of the house (I do not want to sell- but my name is not on it). After that I do not know where we go from there. He has to find a place and so do I. I have nothing, everything is his- house and everything in it. He agreed to go to the funeral with me, because the family wants him to be a pallbearer, but he said I better act right and not embarrass him. I ham dealing with too much right now. I do not know how to get through this day, this weekend, next week. I am tired and just stressed to death. I want to hold on, but it is getting so hard. I just want to say- whatever. Ahhhhh.

Wow, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Mine was on the 4th. It was my 26th anniversary and a year and 7 months of living in HIS BITTERNESS against me. Been seperated going on a little more than 2 months now. We have 3 kids all in their teen years now. So, my heart is hurting for you also. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
It's the pits isn't it! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

my husband left 9/3/02, we have been married since 6/4/02, he has left more times than he has stayed, it is a 3rd marriage for both of us, i have 2 kids by my first marriage and his kids all live in another state with their relatives. he has a lot of baggage and has been homeless and a street kid for most of his life, we are having many financial problems and he is having difficulty dealing with structure, nurturing and being a stepparent. he left again because of debts he owed prior to our marriage and is now in atlanta with friends who are letting him live with them for free and make some money on the side to pay the debts off, there is a chance he could go to jail because of these debts, the issues are really nothing to do with our personal relationship, he just has the urge to flee everytime there is a problem that he cant cope with. i am in counseling and everyone is telling me to let go, divorce, that i am codependent, but i dont want a divorce and neither does he, he says let him take care of these things and he will be back, i am having difficulty trusting and being patient, it is a heavy load to bear, i miss him terribly, i cry every day, it isn't getting any easier. i know where you are coming from and i hope yours gets better too.

fh

Hi. Just checking in to tell you how it went. If you're interested in reading the whole story, it's been posted in the recovery board (infidelity).
About the anniversary, he forgot about it. He was very surprised when he looked at the date. Still, I gave him a card saying our diferences increase our passion, with an included wedding photo. In the back of the photo I wrote "we look great together and we can go anywhere together".
He was touched by it. He saw the card already on the street, but he sent me a message apologizing for forgetting and saying he liked the card. That night he ended up sleeping over (we're separated) because I wasn't feeling well, but nothing happened. Except the beginning of a huge sexual tension that lead us to spending a wonderfull weekend together. Though we're not together already, he decided to try and also stopped seeing a girlfriend he was starting a relationship with. I'm very positive about this.
I know however there will be a lot of tough days ahead, many setbacks, not all will be roses, but I get my strenght from my daughter and I want the very best for her. I will make it, no matter what happens. I will pray for each and every one of you, so that you gather strenght to face whatever happens and do whatever needs to be done. Peace and love in all our hearts.