I lurk here and under D. I'm unsure where I fit in anymore. Since there is more traffic here I thought I might post and ask you guys too.

Copy from D post:
So, H left home about six weeks ago.

He is happier than ever setting up his new life. It is the shopping spree of a lifetime. I am doing my best to plan B. For my own sake, I feel so much better when he is not around and his betrayal is not in my face. I am still very angry with him for not trying to save the M and giving his kids not the life we would have chosen for them. All because of some OW who may or may not end up being greener grass.

Where to for me?
I know in my heart the best thing for us all is to be a happy family. But H can't see it and may never. Even if the fog lifts about his A he believes we are too broken to fix. My sadness and anger only strengthens that theory to him. But I can't be someone I'm not- I am hurt and angry. So, plan B helps me survive the day to day stuff but what about the bigger picture?

Do I need to except that I am one of those who plan Bs to save her self and not her M? Or am I still waiting for time to play its hand in making all the newness less attractive?

Do I start on the road to legal seperation? Our finances are stiil all combined. I fear making the next move may anger him yet leaving it is not sustainable long term (especially with OW on scene).

What do you think?
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S

Hi Arty,

Things are a little slow on the weekends. It should pick up come Monday so you can get more responses.

I would say for now sit back and enjoy the plan B (you are more comfortable with him not around, right?) There is no rush to do any next step at present.

The only step you may want to consider it to get a hold of your finances, so there is not a chance of one day discovering all the cash is gone.

It couldn't hurt to consult with an attorney to make sure you have all your ducks in a row. No filing or anything, but be prepared for whatever may be coming.

k

Thanks Krusht,

I have met with my accountant and a lawyer. We are planning out way to giving me financial independence but since we have little assets and a lot of debt it isn't going to be pretty.

I so hate feeling so helpless as all my dreams to be a happy family are crushed by H and OW. We were blessed with so much and he has destroyed it all. Rebuilding a healthy, happy family alone and putting aside my bitterness seems like a hurdle I can't overcome.

How can a smart man be so stupid as to think that some young squeeze is worth losing his family over? How could he discard me so easily? When will I start excepting my new life?

S

You fear you may anger him? Come on Arty, you can't be serious. I say anger him.

It's time to protect yourself and your kids.

You have got to find a way to start a new life for yourself, to find new dreams.

Yes the big dream you had for your family seems dead at the moment. But you can make new dreams.

My gosh Arty, you are only 42 with beautiful children and a whole new life ahead of you, if you will allow it.

I am so sad that you are still in this horrible emotional state. I have wondered about you and how your Plan B was going.

Time to let go of what your hopes WERE and make new hopes. Your kids need you to get over this and move on. And so do you. Life is short yes, but it can also be too long and too painful when you are this stuck.

Let it go Arty and allow yourself to be happy again. Find a way to get him off of your mind so you can start anew and find happiness.

You say you know in your heart that the best thing is for you to be a happy family. So BE a happy family. You do not need him to do this.

You families happiness and future does not begin and end with HIM. You were very unhappy for a long time when he was there. Don't let the unhappiness continue now that he is gone.

Arty this is Shelly!

I agree with Weaver, it is not easy! God knows I am in phase 1 of building my new life and still have weepy days. I expect them and every day the emotions become less raw.
The most important tasks at hand are to get the paperwork done so that you can calm yourself and know how to deal with the immediate future, then start to breath again!

You are giving him far more power over you than he ever deserved in the first place! Take your power, love and compassion and give it to people who deserve it! Let these people feed you and rebuild your heart and soul. You are a beautiful person, I so appreciate and look forward to your emails. You tell me great things, you need to follow them too! Let all us here support you in your quest to be "ARTY" warrior, goddess, beautiful woman, loving friend, fabulous mother!

You and I will come out the other side wondering "who was that?"

Keep the emails coming and remember to stop looking back at the doors that have closed, look for the ones God has opened for you!

Love
Shelly