Hi
I posted a few times about 2 years ago regarding my H's online "toys" I have access to a "secret" e-mail account that he doesn't know I know about. Trust being the difficult thing it is to rebuild, I have monitored this account on and off for a loooong time. Not daily, not even weekly, just every now and then. Each time I would log in and see NOTHING, I would breathe a sigh of relief and move on.

I logged in about a week ago and instead of a sigh of relief, I got a kick in the teeth. Not one but two new "toys" confirmation that he's chatting from work and e-mailing them from home.

He seems to have a pattern, periods of high stress + no coping mechanisms = a new DOC (drug of choice online affiars). H has been sober for 8+ years. There are times when I wished he would reach for a beer instead of a keyboard.

I am totally baffled by it all, perhaps an AA board would help more? *feeling very lost*

I have been plan A-ing him, he seems to be responding. He hasn't read any of the e-mail from his "toys" for a week. I don't want to confront him and loose the only tool I have to be certain that he isn't doing these things any more.

I've flirted with the idea of sending e-mail to these women to tell them to get lost, however I fear that it would get back to him and I'd loose access to the account, or that he would simply sign up for a new one and I'd be totally blind to what he's doing online.

Help?

Hi. Sorry you are still going through this after all of this time. Over the last two years, has he done this less frequently, or about the same?

Did you tell him how much this hurt you before? What was his response?

Does he ever meet these women, or is it kind of a fantasy thing?