I was just agreeing with YOUR asessement of your current state deja, not sure what you disagree with, am somewhat confused by your response. But I can say I agree with your observation about dysfunctional people and your assumptions (has nothing to do with being trusting, has to do with being ignorant of human behavior) re their emotional health. I used to be such too, but I made it a point to correct the naivety, is working well, spotting emotionally unsafe people can be learned. True, they are everywhere, including all over thisn site, cause they seek relationships too, not even about being dishonest, is just life. Successful marriage requires a high degree of emotional maturity, too many people are not capable of, or motivated enough to do the work to become worthy, but they still want you to meet their needs, so get good at playing the games....it is my opinion dr harleys label of renters, describes many of these people. They put on a good show, get moved in, then move on when it suits them. Of course not all, personality disorders seem to be epidemic, narcissitic people, borderline people, and such seem make up large percentage of the population.

Let's not jump to conclusions about other people based upon generalities. Some people spend a lot of time and effort dealing with the mental and emotional problems caused by divorce. Others do very little. Some have the intelligence to see what is happening to them and control their reactions. They are like sharp shooters, and they aim for exactly what they want. They might not always hit it, but they know their target. Others go off, shooting from the hip, and hitting whatever happens to be in the wrong place.

Boy, I'd say I'm both. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I feel like I have learned from my divorce and am trying to correct the mistakes and work on my emotional state. But then again, I found myself totally drawn to the first woman who showed an interest in me and I think I pushed her away.
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Right now that feels like where I'm at. And what I "want" is to experiment with myself now. I spent years not making decisions or pursuing things without considering someone else. Not that it was a bad thing to do, but now I want time to get to know myself again. I want to do some of the things I once did (and mostly gave up during my M) like photography and travel, for instance. Decide if I still want to finish my PhD or not. Or maybe just keep pursuing my research interests without actually finishing the formal requirements.

I know if I meet someone who enjoys these same things, that we could hit it off quite nicely. And that would work for me. But I'm not, and never have been, a person whose goal was to find someone. I don't want to make a project out of the search. I did that once, and it was good practice for dating, but unproductive. Guess why? Because I met men whose goal it was to find someone. Some of these men didn't know who they were, or what they were interested in, because their focus was only on meeting someone.

One of my top EN's (that I don't find on the MB list) is for intellectual stimulation. It is more than conversation. It means finding someone who has independent interests and curiosity about things without me in the picture. Then he will have something to bring to the relationship to share with me, and me with him too. When I get into philosophical discussions with my colleagues at the university, I am high for hours afterwards. There are plenty of people like me, many of them in academia. Well, I'm a student - and on the faculty --- so I'm at least in the right environment!

I believe I will find someone while I'm doing something else. The operative words are "doing something." Not "looking for something." But that's just me. Might not work for anyone else.