Every now and then I'll slip up and talk to her, and I'm always pissed that I did. Not because of "breaking the silence" so much as that it just messes with me menatally.

I realize that it doens't matter if I talk and say "I'll pick her up at 8" or whatever, because that would need to be said in an email, text messae, or whatever. That type of stuff is practically unavoidable.

BUT, I have to stop the other duscussions. I AM much better at this now, but not perfect...

Here is an example:

Last ngiht I brought DD back to WW's apartment for the night. WW came and picked up sleeping DD at the car door and I brought the diaper bag to her door so I could leave.

I could tell OM was there. (Hiding in the back room or something) His minivan was there, and football was on the TV.

As I left I said nothing but must have given WW some look.

She said "What? Why are you looking at me like you want to kill me?"

So, then I screwed up... I said something like "It's very inappropriate for him to be here while our daughter is sleeping." She would have started a conversation, but I left.

then over the next 2 or 3 hours, she called my cell phone over 20 times! I didn't answer, and she didn't leave a message. I knew that if she'd really wnated someting that she would have left a message.

It struck me how ridiculous it is that she feels the need to control me by talking to me on the phone! I told her that if I don't answer to leave me a message, but she wouldnt do it!


Well, I should have just left it at that. But a few hours later, I (stupidly) called her saying "Did you call my phone 20 times? What is the emergency? Why didn't you leave a message??"

She, of course, wanted to defend OM being at her apartment while DD was sleeping. I wouldnt' discuss that.

She put in some cheap shot about "if you'd been willing to discuss things then maybe we'd be together." That type of comment REALLY pisses me off, trying to blame me for her affair! but rather than defend myself from an obviously bogus claim, and get into more of a stupid converstation I jsut hung up.

SO, overall, I did well at a few points, but overall failed that one. I know what the lesson here is though. I just have to avoid these conversations, Plan B or not, I need to do this for my own sanity.

Okay,

You had a few bang ups. Yo uare okay. As a matter of fact, you sound like now that you really do understand why NC is necessary for you. So, no need for us to beat you up on it. You can see that it hurts you. And if you had not of called her back after her 20 calls, she would have just been left stewing. Instead, she got a rise out of you...which fed her addiction some more. And made you look like the bad guy while making Om look like the knight. By not responding, then she is left with...HERSELF. She is left with "this is inappropriate." The discussion in your family stops at that. She cant defend herself, she cant justify...she cant move the argument off of that. She remains stuck...if you remain silent.

The part where you said somethign about it being inappropriate for your daughter to be there...I wont bang you for that one because I probably would have said the same thing.Of course, not good for Plan B. But was right on the money in trying to protect your daughter.

It is funny how she is trying to defend the OM while he is not home taking care of his own kids. But thus is the fog!!

Stick to your guns...stay on course. Their relationship has next to no chance of long term survival. Sure, some do make it...and maybe theirs will. But the odds are definitely not in their favor!

In His arms.

Gramm,

You are doing very admirably!

"" but overall failed that one."" I would not say you failed. After calling 20 times, you maybe should have called wondering what the heck the emergency is. Hind sight is 20-20, right?

I find it amusing visualizing the OM (this is still Yguy, correct?) sitting there watching the football game while your WW is constantly dialing and redialing YOUR # to defend her degraded, low-rent life style.

YOU ARE ON THE HIGH ROAD, MY FRIEND!! It is very refreshing up there/here. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

k

I was wondering about that too. WW's brother was also there, visiting her from out of the country. I wonder what he thought of all that.

One of the reasons I wanted to call back was jst to mess with her. TO say "Oh, did you call 20 times?" as in, she is there freaking out and I dont even realize it. (I still shoudnt' have done it though)


Check out this interesting email from WW today about our upcoming thanksgiving arrangments
(I will have DD with me and my family):
-------------------------------
Well I will be with X-YGuy’s family on Thursday but I would like to arrange to be able to spend some time with DD too. Don’t worry, she will not be meeting X-YGuy’s family yet, we have decided it’s too soon for that. So whenever I am with her I will be in our town. Just let me know when you can let me be with her some.
-------------------------------
Imagine that thanksgiving?! I feel sorry for someone at that dinner. I'm not sure who... WW, or OMW or Y-Guy's kids? I hope for her sake that OMW is not there...

ooohhh, I hope SHE IS! I feel bad for xy-guys kids the most. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

His kids are 9 13 and 17 (or somewhere around there) so they are definately old enough to know better.

Incidentally, WW has a brother the same age as OM's son. Kinda creepy.

Gramn,

tell me what is going on legally right now. Custody arrangements? When will they have the hearing to decide for good? Wha tare you doing to make sure you get custody?

In His arms.

I've got a bunch of stuff documented and all that. I've been talking to my lawyer. That will be discussed at the trial in January. Maybe also at our pretrial on Dec. 27th.

For now, it's the same as always. I tried to get her to agree to 1/2 custody, but she wouldnt' agree to that officially, although we are already doing that now. But, I have it documented that she is not willing to negotiate these things.

Gramm,

""WW's brother was also there,""

Are you close at all to her bro? It would be interesting to get his take on all this.

k

I've talked to her family sometimes, but I don't know what good talking to this particular brother would do.

Gramn- I've been following your thread as it is similar in nature to my circumstance. I thought it was interesting that you looked back on your marriage and realized all the things "you put up through your marriage", things that she failed to do for you and her general attitude etc.. I've done the same here. I've detached myself also and I realize that my life is only beginning at age 43. My WW said" I want you to be happy, and I don't think I am the one that can do that for you"....I see now that it is very true. The $$$ and kids will work itself out. Hang in there.

Thanks Bigwave.

I know this isn't the end of the world, whatever happens.

I know that the financial part will work itself out, but I feel like I'm shackled to living in this town now because of DD, and I don't like that aspect...

Unless you get custody.

Thanks UVA...I was just going to write that.

Gramn, your whole mission in life right now is to get custody of your daughter. Use that e-book that you got. Get the goods on her. Start getting together the good stuff about you, and the bad stuff about her. Your lawyer is goign to have to make her look like an unfit parent in court...so give him them ammo to do so.

This is a battle for your daughter, your family and even your marriage. Everyday, you should be doing the things to make this happen. To build a case that will be open and shut.

Get custody! Do whatever it takes to make that happen. it isnt up to your lawyer, it is up to YOU.

In His arms.

One of my friends, whose wife is freinds w WW came over and told me some interesting stuff...

WW plans to have thanksgiving w OM and his PARENTS... (not his kids)

OM is now Y-Guy again! He got some job at ANOTHER Y, out of town...

This friends wife and otehr friends of WW are really disgusted with WW and what she's done. Apparently they are avoiding her.

Interesting stuff, Gramn. My wife went to Florida to visit and meet OM's family and mother right up until Christmas Eve 2002. And I was in Plan B. So, this isnt really a big worry.

So, he is workign at the Y again, huh? well, guess it is time to let that Y know that their employee is sleeping with a married woman and breaking up a family. Afterall, the YMCA is a Christian organization.

In His arms.

I was thinking about that. I wonder if I should contact the Y AGAIN? What were they thinking hiring him back? I guess it's that all Ys are seperate... Like franchises.

I think you should expose him. The Y in your home town likely kept the reasons for his dismissal a secret and merely confirmed his duration of employment and job description. They of course feared legal problems of their own if they disclosed the affair. It's not like they had documentation of the actual physical affair.

I think you should write a letter for your attorney to put on his letterhead (if he'll do it---he may fear legal suit as well). If he will it should not cost you much since you wrote it. In effect the letter says:

I hope this is good. I spent some time on it (then lost the whole letter when I tried to change the color of it...urrrrrgh...had to rewrite it). I would appreciate MM placing some good strong religious adjectives in there. Especially when I repeat "illicit" a few times.

MM...What's your opinion???? Any other attorney's are free to jump in and revise or otherswise advise. It's late now and I had to rewrite it so fix my grammar and spelling while you're at it.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - Gramn...my legal fees are one shot of Jagermeister at the party you have next summer when we meet up somewhere to celebrate the restoration of your marriage or the success of your personal recovery.

Wonderings- Wow that is a great letter! I don't know exactly which Y he has been hired at yet, so I'd need to find that out first.

Also interestingly, he was working at a school in the time that he had lost his other job. I wonder if he just bailed on the students or whatever to get this Y opening?

My lawyer advised against this whole exposure thing, so I don't think he'd want to help with a letter...