Recently I have been handling my D with a sense of calmness. However, I am so tired of STBX throwing his new relationship in my face. It hurts no matter how hard I try.

He lets me see that he is wearing boxers instead of briefs.
He is dressing younger (GF is 22 and he is 32)
He told me and DD that he watched S.Street earlier today, before he picked up DD. It was to let me assume that GF and her son spent the night.
He hints at his plans.
I've called him and he is at Japanese rest. (something new for him)
I can tell that my DD is coached to say things about GF and her son.
He comes to our house and tells me what a disaster it is. How he is so lucky he doesn't have to live like this. It is not a mess. Cluttered maybe, but I love to spend time with DD.
He tell me to chill out, not to stress the small stuff. (He used to)
I guess what I am saying is that he is trying to show me that he is someone new.

Ok I don't want him back, but I hate the fact that he has this GF. She is the one that got him away from OW and was his good friend during our fake reconcilation. All the while she wanted him and was playing him.

My question is "Why is he doing this?" He was the one that wanted out,not me. "Why does it seem like he wants to hurt me?"

mewf, i can relate very well to your pain. my stbxh occassionally does the same thing. It killed my soul.
although, my stbxh doesn't say stuff about his gf deliberately to be a total a$$.......he's just indiscrete and inconsiderate due to hyperdense stupidity. He'll say stuff without thinking and then when he sees the devastating effect it has on me, he realizes too late it was prolly not the most appropriate thing. so he apologizes profusely. whatever.

something that has helped me is laying down some firm boundaries with my stbx. It hasn't been easy to pull off, but I have been able to experience recovery faster in the past two weeks since I put it in effect than in the past two months.

I basically emailed him and said he's not allowed to talk to me. at all. any subject of communication is limited to finances or the children. Nothing else. The only acceptable form of communication is print(by hand, email, IM, etc.); or if verbal, only in recordable form (voice mail). You can tell him if he doesnt comply, you will file an order against him (this is the part that got my stbxh to take me seriously). Talk to your local police department about this, and/or your lawyer. This is considered emotional abuse (a form of domestic abuse in a lot of areas) and it is harassment. The fact that he is forcing the children in the middle of his twisted game will also not reflect well on him as a parent come court date. It reflects pretty badly on him right now, in fact. The court system, in general (especially down here in the bible belt) looks down on that kind of behavior and takes that into consideration. You better believe i'm gonna serve that back in the face of my stbxh when the time comes. At this point, he is lucky to get supervised visits. he has made HIMSELF look soooo bad.

My prayers are with you, mewf. Good luck with that and let us know how it works out for you whatever you decide to do.

Maybe he does it to try and make you feel bad about yourself? If he can point his finger towards your "faults", it's easier for him to not have to look at his own betrayal behaviors. Also, he may be looking for a way to "justify" his choice to be with his GF and not with you. For example: "My life is so much nicer with GF. Much more fulfilling and exciting. I'm so much healthier. I knew being with my ex wasn't good for me!"

Just a few of my thoughts.

Mine is doing that too. Maybe they are trying to show us that they are so much better without us. Or maybe they are trying to convince themselves.


Do you remember the childhood game of musical girlfriends, er I mean musical chairs? When the music stops someone is left without a chair. One of these days it will be him.

Why in the world she would want someone who was cheating on his wife, AND then on OW too, is beyond me. Maybe she gets a sense of power based on how many women she can steal him from.

Thanks for the replys.
Psarcstick- First I could never tell STBX that his comments are hurting me because I know for a fact that he is doing it to get a reaction from me. I'm just struggling to understand why.
We actually communicate very little, which is great, but we do end up talking some in the pickup/dropoff of our DD or in the nightly phone calls (she's only 2)

Heartmending-
I do think you likes to make me feel bad about myself. What you said has so much truth in it, but I just don't understand the behavior.

Deja Vu-
I don't understand GF at all. She pointed out what a loser OW was and helped get him away from her. All the while she was after him. After our false reconcilation, with her being the good friend to him, he went after her. She is 22, got pregnant in college, came running home to Daddy, which happens to be STBX's boss. Can we say stupid???? My STBX is trying to make one happy family there. I hate all of it. I want it to fail for him in the most terrible way. I want him to be left without the chair.

My biggest problem right now is that I want him to miss what he had. When he is constantly putting me down or flaunting his new improved life, it hurts because I'm not sure if he will ever miss it or even see what he had. I hate all these set backs. I feel so strong and then so weak in a matter of hours. Someday the pain must stop.