For some reason I can't reply- it gives me an error message anytime I try to reply to anyone's message. It has done this since the new system. I don't get it. That's why I haven't posted much.
Confused, I wanted to write you a long time ago because you mentioned Chip Ingram in one of your posts- you probably know that he married someone who was divorced. I wondered if you have gone to his website www.lote.org- then listen online, then listen to archives, find April 20- Growing through Divorce- great message. I also wanted to tell you, I think you are beating yourself up and thinking so much about your marriage that you are going to drive yourself insane. I know a million people have told you and I am really amazed at the LONG novels you received in replys, but the short version is, you have no control over your wife. What you want and what your wife wants - well she controls what she does. And God gave us free will. I know that is exhausting to hear though. So I will shut up now.
Best wishes to you.

And Almost Home. I came here for advice, not to be shamed. I asked the question, exactly because I DO think it sounds like what affair partners say. At the same time, I have known people who have broken up with their boyfriend/girlfriend to be with someone else, and I see them and they are amazing together. I have never seen that in a marriage being broken up by affair partners though. That is always ugly. I said in my post, 1. I am not going to kiss him again, and 2. I do not want to be his rebound. The girl is not a friend of mine, but I would not like to be treated that way, she is an acquaintance and I feel bad that I contributed to hurting her. At the same time, I don't think it is AS wrong as an affair in a marriage because the commitment is not there- but I AM wondering- what the statistics would be on someone cheating in a marriage if they cheated in dating. And I am not stupid enough to not be cautious and naive enough to think he wouldn't do it to me if he did it with me- I just think when you are dating, the commitment is not there- isn't that why you are dating? Yet at the same time, if you are dating to lead to commitment, you are misleading someone if you are going behind their back with someone else, or not intending to marry them, and that IS wrong.

adgirl,

I've listened to Chip Ingram on many occassions. I listed to the marriage and divorce series this year, and the previous year as well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

So tell me, how do I just abandon the love I had for my ex-wife?

Do I just abandon the dream of a Christ centered marriage with my first wife?

Have I really done all I can do?

Do I give up?

Do I move on?

Do I wait?

You say I'm beating myself up. Perhaps I am. I'd still like God to write something on that plan I've signed and to hear from Him directly what He wants me to do.

What's wrong with wanting to be sure I know what I'm supposed to do?

T

ps, I knew his wife was previously divorce. I don't understand what you are trying to tell me by sharing that fact.

t

((Adgirl))

I apoligize, if I came across harsh, not my intention. But I do believe the entire situation is full of far to many red flags and the best thing is to high tail it to the hills.

I can only speak for myself, but if I were dating someone for a year, then I would expect a certain commitment. You are correct, it's not a marriage vow, but a commitment. This guy sounds like he knew what to say to get what he wanted and is still doing so. I would say that this speaks volume for his character. Even though I have no statistics to back it up, my opinion remains the same and can see absolutely no positive to continued exposure to this situation. Find a fish that ain't already got a hook in his mouth.........

adgirl,
Actually, there are instructions at the top of the forum pages that let you know what to do if you get error messages when trying to post after logging on to the forums. I've sent you e-mail at the e-mail address you've provided in your profile.

Almost Home,
Thanks, no problem. You are right though, I haven't gotten too deeply involved though- heart wise, because I don't want it to be hurt, and because I feel like I am getting used in the midst of a struggle he is having with himself (not wanting to be with her, not wanting to be alone). I am not going to do anything else, and as I told him the other day, he is still with her and if he doesn't want to be with her, he needs to make that clear to her. Instead of saying it to me. That isn't fair to anyone. I don't see it becoming a relationship, I guess I just don't want it to be a friendship ruined and he might have done that when he went off and kissed me. And then I ended up kissing back, which I knew was not a good thing. They have dated for a year, but neither one has seemed to want to be mutually exclusive the whole time (her first, then him). Sounds like it's something they need to work out instead of getting other people in it.

Tempest,
Actually, I apologize, you are right, thanks for fixing it for me. I got your email too. Have a good day.

You aren't going to like what I say.
Every question you ask is I I I. Me Me Me. What if it isn't about you? 50% of the people in the world are divorced, and you want all these answers. What makes you above everyone else to get those answers? In my opinion you need to get over yourself and wake up and realize life is not about God just handing you answers.

PS I was just trying to tell you, in the post you referred about him, it sounded like you thought he preached that you could save any marriage- and he certainly does not. In fact, he preaches that God loves people, divorced or not, and that sometimes there is NO HOPE and that you have to move on.

I did answer your questions beside them.

To be fair, I decided I should at least answer your questions. See above. I am talking to myself just as much as I am to you by the way.