I just found out he also had an affair with one of his marine friends wife!!!!! Thats 2 affairs in one month.
I just cant deal anymore!!!!!!!!!!!

whoa what!? where'd you hear this!?!?

cancergirl,

This is a terrible blow. I know I have been there. How did you find out?

Take some deep breaths. I know you feel like you are back at square one and in many respects you are. But you have to have the knowledge of the road to know where you are going. This could be a turning point, you never know.

~ Snow

I got an email from her saying not to tell her H but they had a one night stand and that I shouldnt tell anyone
This sucks I am so angry, hurt, confused.......

She's crazy if she thinks I am not telling. I agree snow this is the turning point. I am done. I deserve better and my son definetly does. Back to square one. Its going to be another D-Day tomorrow. I wish it wasnt so late right now otherwise I would be on the phone with OW H.

do what is best for you at this point - if your H is showing repentence and its genuine, I would give him a chance at least. It all depends on how you feel about the situation though.

i cant this is just way too much. i think he is being genuine. we had a short talk right before i got this email and he seemed sorry. i want to confront him so bad right now but its late and i dont want my son to wake up. i dont know all i can say is pray for me.

well - i think if someone, anyone has truly repented for something, its the right thing to do to forgive them; Christ forgives all sin - however, if its not within your power to do so, then don't force it.

You need to weigh things in equal weight - the good vs the bad.

The Egyptians, for example, believed that the soul of the dead was led before the seat of Osiris, who sat as the Judge of the Dead. He weighed the heart of the dead person on his balance. Maat, the goddess of truth and justice, balanced the scale. If the heart of the deceased weighed true, he went to his eternal reward wandering the shadow land that was the double of the Nile Delta. No famine or sorrows bothered him in this blessed afterlife. If his heart weighed too heavy, he would be thrown to the animal gods who tear him to shreds.

Now, although I'm not a believer in Egyptian mythology, nor did I believe what they said to be true in a literal sense; they couldn't have been more correct figuratively speaking. Only two people know your husband's intentions - him and God. While he may say one thing, and have every intention in the world of doing it - if he doesn't it is of no relevance.
Don't try to judge your H by his past actions but by his present and future ones; if there is ANY and i mean ANY love in your heart for your husband still; give him that chance. After all; by any means isn't spending the rest of your life with your H and not the WS who has infected him worth that risk of hurt? It can't really get much worse at this point anyhow.

I'm in the same predicament with my W, however, I'm on the opposite end - the end your H is on. I neglected my wife and was extremely controlling for a very long time; and by the time I had realized it enough so to change and want to do something about it; she was already gone. I know how much it can hurt to have sincerely changed and not be given the chance to prove your worth - and in many senses, its a fate worse than death. If you even have .00000001% of love in your heart for your husband, give him this chance if he truly seems repentent; you have nothing to lose after all - he can't really hurt you more than he already has.

That is something you will have to weigh; your own heart and your own judgment on this one. But I say from experience - normally when a man is faced with losing everything he's ever wanted (In my case it was my wife) it gives him the drive to change. Don't rob him or yourself of that opportunity if you still love him. If you can't forgive him then its a moot point however.

I guess in summary, you have to look at it like this:

The rest of your life happy w/ your old H vs. Getting hurt one more time

Is it worth the risk?

God bless -

Aaron

Hon, what are the chances he knew this woman was going to call you and fess up? It might have a lot to do with why he's feeling sorry all of a sudden. He got caught. Again.

You two really need to sit down and talk. And you need to tell him about your affair, too, and get it all out in the open.

Recovery starts with honesty.

~ Snow

Thanks for that. Thats what I needed to hear. However one of the main things for me is honesty. When I first came back I was going to call this woman to come hang out with me and he told me she moved to Tallahassee. So I never called nothing. I just took his word and now this? I dont know everything is so messed up. what do you think?

Be wise about forgiveness. Like Fox says, you can't force it. WHile I redily forgave my husband, I did not "forget." These are two different things. Some even say you should not give forgiveness until enough time has passed to be sure the person has truly repented (which means turned away from the behavior that wronged you).

Until he has proven to you that he has truly repented and the two of you are making headway in being honest with each other, take time to consider when and how to forgive.

~ Snow

Snow---
I have told him EVERYTHING AND I MEAN EVERYTHING. He said he is over it because I was honest and it wasnt that big of a deal. I dont know???????

cancergirl,

He told you the woman he had the one-night stand with moved to Tallahasee? And this was untrue?

Have you talked with him yet about this latest revelation?

~ Snow

When did you tell him everything? How long ago?

I want to forgive him so bad, but I dont want to be the doormat wife who just puts up with all his crap. Thats what our mutual friends are saying about me. Unless they all know more than I do right now?

Yes he told me she moved and she's still living here in tampa, No i havent talked to him b/c i am angry and hurt and dont want drama right now its late. I told him everything on wednesday the 6th.

Snow -

Exactly! Forgiving someone and forgetting although very similar are not one in the same.

In order to truly forgive someone; in essence, you need to be willing to let go of what has happened - however, time has to pass in order for such things to happen. Will I ever forget my wife hitting me? No I won't - will I be able to forgive her? Yes. Why? She hasn't hit me since; and I have no intentions of believing otherwise will happen.

This is what I'm working on right now in my R. I was extremely bitter and cold about my W's past - something she couldn't take back. Was it fair of me to take this out on her? No. Can she forget? Probably not; probably never - we will never forget things that have happened; its the nature of the human mind - especially horrible things that we associate with pain or hurt. Can she forgive me? In time I believe the answer to be yes - however, in order to earn that forgiveness, I must prove to her over time that her past is of no importance to me; and that I was wrong in making it seem so. After all our marriage is about us and our future together - not her past without me. The same goes with me being controlling. She has every right to hang out with whoever she wants; they are her friends - they were around before me. Did I not like them? At one point, no I didn't - however, evaluating myself and looking at my mistakes and blindness has shown me that I was wrong; there is nothing wrong with her friends and she has every right in the world to hang out with them. Was I wrong before? Yes - can I be forgiven? Yes - but I need to prove it to her; just like your H needs to prove this to you.

I will let my wife hang out with whoever she wants; she can wear whatever she wants (baring nudity haha!), she can be who she IS, because I married her for who she IS, not who I want her to be. Can she forgive me if I prove these things? I don't see why not - she's said so herself.

Make your H prove these things to you; then contemplate forgiveness.

Well, this changes everything. You guys are at the beginning of this great big coaster ride and neither of you are in any position this early to really know what you should do. The dust hasn't even settled.

His first reaction about your affair was "no big deal" because it happened long ago? Bunk. What else could he say? He's been having affairs, too! But in the last day or so I am sure it has begun eating at him about what you did. He's probably angry and has a right to be.

You fear drama. That means you and your husband have not developed communication skills. You need help negotiating through all of these issues. You've just had a baby. You are relatively young. He may feel rejected by you (a very common thing for young fathers).

You must get into counseling ASAP. If you are too afraid to be honest with your husband about your feelings, you need to learn why. If he's angry and demanding, he needs to learn to stop these destructive behaviors. If you are a doormat, you need to find a spine and a professional will help you do this.

Please consider counseling. The sooner the better.

~ Snow

Snow
You are very very right. I am the type of person who likes to get problems solved fast. He doesnt want to talk. He think they will just disappear. Our communication is horrible. Lately I have been scared of him b/c he flips out and is very angry. He needs anger management. I have also said we NEED counseling but he says its for "crazy people" Also he is VERY jealous of our son. He says I only pay attention to him and only care about him. The thing is he (my H) never helps with our son so I have to take care of him. Before our son came my husband had my full attention and now he doesnt so he resents our son which is a major problem. He wont go to counseling but i have scheduled two this week for me alone b/c i cant deal. thanks for listening! any more suggestions???????

Tam - Hang in there, I'm going to head out; have to go work out and get somethings finished, then I'm heading to bed. Going to sleep like a baby tonight!

Sweet dreams guys!