I have not been too terribly concerned that I would feel bad as the day gets closer for X and OW to marry (July 30)
(Actually the wedding date is the day that they first had sex 5 years ago.)

As it got closer I thought maybe I would feel bad, but it has turned into somewhat amusing for me. I havent posted alot lately because I have been so busy living life, something I hadnt done in my dysfunctional marriage, but I think I will chronicle my thoughts here, get feedback if I start to sink into the dumps (I dont think I will, but it is a milestone that I dont want to take for granted and let it catch me unaware)

First I found out the wedding was to be a pool party, BBQ. Most likely complete with Sponge-Bob rafts (thats what his last BD party was, 49 year old with SpongeBob invitations, tablecloths and cake)

Now daughter was there to pick up something at his house and she tells me that they are making their own centerpieces. I am a floral designer and teach floral design, my x could have cared less about the nice floral accents I had in our home. Neither he or OW have a crafty bone in their body. Well, all the flowers and the ribbon was purchased at the dollar store, as in my daughters words...

"from the tacky clearance section of the dollar store"

X asked daughter to show him how to make a bow as he told her "I thought I could make one as I watched your mother all those years, but I cant" Well my daughter who does make nice bows and helps with my business couldnt even make a bow with the cheesy slippery material OW had picked out so X and OW are muddling through making these centerpieces that look like "something made in nursery school" (daughters words)

They also had a yard sale Saturday, I wonder if they really needed extra cash to pay for the wedding, and as they really didnt have much to sell, they must have solicited donations from family members. I so wanted to drive by and see what they had for sale. Im sure there was nothing of mine missing from when he left the house, but I so wanted to see if he had stolen stuff from his places of employment, but I resisted and didnt even drive by

2 of my children are not attending wedding, 1 son says he is going for 5 minutes and the other son says he will attend but not stay to eat or swim.

My fiance asked X if he had inclement weather plans and X just said he is "trusting God", as for me I think of the foolish man who biult his house upon the sand. I am so thankful that I am out of that situation with my life and spiritual foundation eroding around me. God has put me in a better place and I am finding that after 26 years of a heartbreaking marriage, I am able to laugh again and be truly happy.

Yesterday was the 1 year mark of when God put my old boyfriend back into my life. Some on here scoffed at the whirlwind timetable of us committing to each other, but with God there are no coincidences and He doesnt make mistakes. We are planning on being married in 2 years when I am done with school and his child support load is lessened.

I added this link for my current history for those who are not familiar:

my life now

[color:"blue"]Dawn
[/color] I remember your story of how you and the "old boyfriend" re-met! I'm so glad for you that things have continued to work out and that you seem to be healing so well. You're a good MB testimony!

Good for you....glad to hear you are doing well.

My x never bothered to tell me he was getting married. He also has not given me his address since he moved in December though I have been in his new condo.

Some people just don't have a clue.

At 49, someone should have better sense than to have a pool party wedding. Like you want to appear in your swim suit in your wedding pictures. I don't think so!

My former BIL is coming on the 27th and I am praying that I get to see him. I had/still have an excellent relationship with him and his wife (who is not coming, 2000 miles)however, blood is thicker than water. My former BIL disagrees with everything X has done but is coming anyway for appearances. My former monster in law however will probably prevent me from having a visit with my BIL, well see how that works out.

On another note..my X MIL fell wed morning getting out of bed and was reported that they took her to the hospital and may have a broken clavicle, wonder how this will affect things as X will feel this is a disruption of his day, and time to be spent getting ready for this pool party (still has all the dollar store centerpieces to do LOL)will have to be shared taking care of the mother. I spent 26 years married to X, know him so well..this will not be a pretty site for his GF/bride to be to be part of

we reap what we sow.

smiles,
Dawn

PS, Cinderella...GF has several ugly tattoos that should show up nice in the wedding pictures..oh that right!!!! X asked my daughter to be the photographer and she is not going, so maybe there are no wedding photos

Good Grief! He has less taste than my x. LOL about the tattoos...and good for your daughter. Shooting a wedding and doing a decent job is a lot of work. It's worth what a good photographer costs.

I have no idea what my x's second wedding was like but daughter's clothes for the wedding were from some second or third rate retail store. I think my d has one picture of her with her dad when he married wife #2. He wore a dark green sports coat, I think. Oh well, that's his choice.

My son informedme last night that he received a phone message from X sounding like he was dripping with the excitement of impending money

seems X MIL was diagnosed with congestive heart failure which is why she got out of bed leading to her fall and has a broken collarbone.

X has been waiting for her death for the last 10 years as she has quite a bit of money set aside in X's name. One $50,000 CD X's parents had promised to us before my X FIL passed away. At the time of his death she decided to hold it for awhile and live off the interest. When my X left me they had the CD name changed so I wouldnt have any claim to it.

when FIL passed away my X was furious that the $50,000 he was expecting in a few month was snatched from his grasp. Ever since he has been drooling over getting all he can from his mom.

Thank God I no longer have to live with this evil man.

Sunrise,
Congratulations on your impending nuptuals! Your story is a cool one indeed!

Your ex's wedding day will most likely pass you by without even a blip. My ex's wedding to the ow did. That was 10 years ago. Time flies.

Apparently my former MIL has been quite frequently calling OW/soon to be bride of X by my name!!! LOL what is it they say about paybacks? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Anyway, on Sat my son came home after seeing her in hospital and said "I saw your roses", I didnt know where he and GF had been and I was confused as there arent any roses blooming in my garden right now. so he continues, the flowers you gave Mom Mom, werent they roses?

I AM STILL CONFUSED AND THEY SAY..WERENT YOU TO VISIT MOM MOM THIS MORNING AND YOU TOOK HER A DOZEN ROSES????

NO....apparently OW went to see her and took her flowers, and I am getting the credit for it from all her visitors <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

There have been several incidences where I have heard of FMIL calling OW by my name and according to my SIL, she heard it happens very frequently. Paybacks are sweet sometimes.

On another note..FMIL is due to be released from hospital, she really doesnt need to go to rehab, she just needs someone to take care of her and her 2 local children are not willing to step up to the plate. My XSIL (one who I didnt really get along with)Is extremely wealthy and cant put the time in to drive her to therapy, seems its too far from the beach, even though her primary residence is only 20 minutes from MIL (her mother), between her beach house (50 minutes from MIL) and her children (grown and also financially well off) and her grandchildren, who really dont need her continuously, she is just too busy to care for her ill mother.

MIL's baby son, my X (the one with the sponge-bob BD parties and weddings) is just to selfish to spend a minute doing something for someone else, maybe OW should invite her to stay with them for a week or so instead of taking her roses that she doesnt get credit for anyway.

Instead, oldest son is coming from texas for the pool party
wedding and is talking about coming early to care for his mother at the expense of changing flight ticket and leaving his ill wife behind alone for a longer period (she has diabetes and had undergone kidney transplant and now may be suffering from some heart problems) She suddenly sometimes has medical crisis' due to anti-rejection medice, but is generally Ok to be alone, they just dont like her alone for long periods of time.

My former sis in law (texas one who I am close with) also informed me that my X volunteered my sons to do projects around MIL's house while texan bro is here. My X lives 20 min from MIL and these are all projects that he is quite capable of completing ANYTIME but he has put them off so he can get his oldest bro and my kids to do them. God forbid he take away from all his trips with OW to their timeshares and casinos. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

anyway, I feel bad for MIL but I am not in a position to go over there and help. I would if she appreciated me, but she is also mentally ill and never had a nice thing to say about me (except of course when I delivered the much desired and only grandaughter)I would really like to help, but dont want to put myself in the position of being abused by that family any longer. She has accused me of stealing items from her house (including the Thanksgiving turkey.... No joke..she accused me of that and I even had 2 frozen turkeys already in my freezer <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />)

I do not like the fact that I have to drive past the pool where they are getting married EVERY DAY, and I think we are going to go out of town on the actual wedding day, someplace fun and pretty

however, in my devilish moments, I think of things that I could do to disrupt wedding..but thats just a harmless fantasy, would never do anything, I want them married, they deserve every bit of HE!! they will put each other through.

I am looking forward to having dinner with texan BIL and he is looking forward to meeting my fiance.

OK, not going out of town on the 30th. I have been trying to finish the upstairs bedroom and hallway that my X made a mess of and left uncompleted for 5 years before he moved out.

Because of the divorce i couldnt put any money into it because anything I did he would have gotten half of improvements I made, but last year at this time I became the sole owner of my house.

My fiance, myself and the kids have been working on getting that room completed, then one son will move upstairs to the new room and I will be able to move out of the sunroom that I have been using as my bedroom for the last 10 years. although it is a large cape cod, the upstairs was not finished when we moved in and had only 2 bedrooms downstairs. It was our original plan to finish the upstairs right away, but X entered into his most serious addiction phase and all fell apart here.

So, now I own my house. Since I never had credit on my own, I did not get quite a good mortgage last year, but now I was able to refinance at a much lower rate and take an additional small amount of money to finish some repairs that X had put off but are now necessary and I am finishing the extra room. My payments are much less per month. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

HOORAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the people came to measure for carpet yesterday and they scheduled me to have the install on the day of X's wedding! I am so excited.

2 years ago at the time of the divorce I was struggling to pay for everything and was trying to sell my lawn tractor to pay my lawyer off.

I was able to pay off all my credit cards and my lawyer, buy my house, finish the upstairs (& gain a very large sunroom as family room), fix the sewer line, carpet my whole house (carpet was old when we bought here 10 years ago), go to school full time (on scholarships), work full time & maintain straight A's and take care of 4 young adult children. I have also reestablished old friendships whom my fiance and I enjoy spending time with. (With the alcoholic/dysfunctional family I was married into there was no such thing as social friends)

I have also reestablished family ties which were lacking due to the same reason as above. It feels so good to have extended family as both my parents are gone. One cousin who was a missionary in south America for 25 years called and said that was the one thing she missed most while she was away...family.

Tearfully, I told her that was the one this I missed most while living here in South Jersey..Family.

AND...........

I kept the lawn tractor to boot!!!!!!

Icing on the cake is the wonderful Godly man that God has put back in my life, we start and end each day with prayer and are looking forward to our wedding in 2 years.

God is good.

You GO, Girl!!!

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Thanks Cindy, It was a tough 5 years..who am I kidding..tough 30 years, but I have finally arrrived at the good part of life

Not that things are easy..Just much better. It has been really tough trying to do the school, work and 4 children things, but at my age its something I have to do to have a better life, and these things were denied me while I tried in vain to save my marriage. Honestly, I must have cried myself to sleep 90% of my married years. I cant remember last time I cried at all, let alone cried to sleep

Sunrise, you mentioned a fiance - let go of the past for a brighter future and change your info to reflect your new status in life. You are no longer just about being a BS you are a future bride. Respect your fiance - give him the place he deserves in your life - #1. Good luck!

Thanks for the luck although I am trusting God for all I need.

I tried to chage my bio but because the board was changed it doesnt allow for as much space as it did before and that info is actually why I am on this forum.

My marriage wasnt just about being a BS, it was also about physical, mental and sexual abuse of which I am still recovering. Those issues still affect my present life as I have 4 children, am receiving child support and alimony.

I have let go of the past but I still have many issues to deal with in the present as my X is still abusing drugs and still in the fog with his actions and words to me and the children. Unfortunately until I am married and the children are not receiving support he will be there like a bad toothache. Even then we will still have issues to deal with as children struggle with family functions/weddings etc.

As I said over on the other forum, God has turned my bad sitch around for good for me. I feel I was rewarded for being faithful. Where we came from shapes where we go and I have not only survived, but now I am thriving. I appreciate my fiance so much more because we love each other the way God wants us to.

OK..little depressed here. Need a bucket of cold water or a slap or something.

X invited kids over to BBQ tonite cause BIL is in town for wedding. We found out that it isnt just cause BIL is coming..in fact he might not even show as he is at hospital visiting my X MIL. BBQ is actually a large pre-wedding get together to introduce all to his new inlaws..well my kids arent exactly up for meeting new step-grandma etc..especially since X kind of was deceitful in his invite to the kids. None are going.

As for the depression (slight) I still wish that there would have been a very sincere apology before he embarked on his new life, but I also know that that will never come. In his mind the ends always justify the means.

While I am very happy with my new life, there are parts that never will be right. Parts that will always be extremely messed up in regards to my children and for that I am sad.

My X MIL also will not be allowed to leave the rehab to attend wedding. They have not told her that yet, they were waiting for BIL to come and tell her. They are also talking of leaving her in the assisted living section of the rehab where she is now. That will not go over well. I dont know who will deal with this fallout as X will be on honeymoon (to Ft Lauderdale......who the h3!! goes there on their honeymoon???in summer????? Must be alot of bars there..or probably drugs LOL) BIL is only staying 1 week so if he places her in assisted living, its going to be hit and run and former SIL is too busy to spend time with her mom. I really feel sorry for her, but as the saying goes, what goes around comes around, she didnt treat me nice, but then she didnt really treat her kids the way a loving mother would either.

well enough self pity, I need to go paint some in that bedroom thats being carpeted <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />