Although *things* have been real good lately between my WH and me, he has been acting suspicious. I caught him in one lie too many and needed to take action.

When I had contacted OW before and we got into a screaming match, surprise - surprise. During this conversation I told her (not true) that I knew all about her and had her cell phone number, etc. She yells back, oh yea, what is it ?? Which at the time, I did not know. I recently obtained it and well... could not wait to call her and let her know that I was not bluffing and had indeed this information.

So... this evening I called her cell phone. I called *67 and she picked up and I proceeded to say stupid things to her. I guess I just need to bring this out into the open once and for all. She says, we must have a bad connection and hung up shortly.

I am thinking - might as well hit her with two punches (or myself probably more realistically !!). I called her parents. This is a young woman of 29, unmarried and having an A with a 50 yo MM. I called her parents - father answered. I asked if he was OW father, he said yes. I proceeded to inform him of the A between his daughter and a 50 yo MM.

He then told me that he knew all about me. She had informed him of my last phone call where during call, I had threatened to tell her parents. So, she has tipped them off. I talked calmly and he pretty much did too. He kept telling me that I was a confused woman, who needed help. He never in so many words denied this A or confirmed it. He just kept acting condensending towards me. I told him her number has come up on his cell records, and he really did not have an answer to that.

Halfway through our litte talk, he informed me that he was recording me !!! I told him - good, I have nothing to hide. He said his whole family knows all about me too. They seemed to know where I lived, etc.

Well, I did the best exposure that I could at that time. He believes his daughter in that she does not know my WH or anything. Of course he believes her and not me. I should have said alot more about the state of my M but at least I did not say anything TOO incriminating, since I was being taped.

I am going to be very interested in how my WH talks with me tomorrow. He can not actually say anything about these calls, or else he would have to admit to everything. I just need to get this out in the open. Y'all told me to expose - and I did. But - they had been tipped off and felt sorry for me as I was some confused old woman.

Now what ?? I certainly can not call either of them again. I mainly wanted to let her know that I was not bluffing before about making these calls. He did tell me that I had gone to alot of trouble to locate these numbers and perhaps I should spend more time working on my marriage. Like I said, he really talked down to me.

Thanks as usual. I will wait for your expert advice.

Carnation

Why Oh why did you call OW again ?

* sigh *

Your rants defused your exposure bomb. PLEASE learn from this.

infidels lie and make BS appear crazy and terrible. Youe calling her an dranting just adds credence to their descriptions of you.

Carnation -

Sorry that happened. That is why it is suggested here that you don't wran the infidels about any kind of exposure. It just gives them time to make up a story about some "crazy" person. It is kinda strange though that they all do the same kinds of things.

But as bad as the call turned out, you have planted a seed. She doesn't dare have your husband around them, or they will know the score.

And it will be very interesting to see your husband's reaction.

Bob - I know, I know. Please don't give up on me just yet. Can this be fixed ? Gosh, I feel like crap. But, at least it is out there now. Right ??

And, what do you think about him taping my call ?? Just to prove that I am a crazy nut ?? Oh help ,please.

Believer - Yes, there is a big old seed planted now. I wish I could have spoken a tad bit more about the good in my M but I spent most of time deflecting his jabs.

Hey, I exposed. I just went about it (calling OW first)although her parents were tipped off long ago, the wrong way - again.

Everyone must agree that I MUST get this A out in open. Make him aware that I will not take this lying down with closed eyes any more. Right ?? --- right ??

More advice or 2x4's please.

Car

Your error was to inform the OW of your plans. No more nice guy ok? Don't waste your breathe on informing the OW of anything even if it is to call her parents. Just call when YOU are ready w/o warning. OK?

Your exposure was dulled as a result but it did not lose their impact. The OW is now in doubt land and will remain there until she can clear her name. You will never know that though so you must resign yourself to making that the last contact call to her parents unless the OW makes a drastic move where the police s/b involved or something more serious.

Carnation, you really need to get your act together. This stuff has you spinning and making unwise choices.

Now let us know when you are ready to make a smart plan.

L.

Thanks Orchid for replying. The police ?? why, for calling and saying what ? Oh my gosh. This is not life I normally live.

For those of you who think I am a lowlife, crazy truckdriver's wife - I did post a pic in the pic thread. Up until recently I have always been a woman of upper-middle class,etc... what has this done to me ??

Where do I go from here ? Is this fixable ? I guess I was motivated with getting fed up with the lies and such. I really want this to come to a head before the end of the month when I am supposed to join WH on the truck. And, if I do, what kind of life would this be for me ? I truly think that his decision this winter to drive all 48 states was directly a result of his A and wanting to distance himself from me - or her ? I am sure he is confused but who knows. Should be interesting to see how he reacts to this new mess.

Oh my gosh, please oh please do not give up on me. I even told her father that I was advised to expose this affair and bring it out in the open. All of this being taped mind you. I seriously do not think I said anything imcriminating against myself to him. Just me accussing and saying that I hoped I was confused and wrong but the evidence didn't point that way.

Listening.... darn it.

Car

Car,

Don't fret. I meant if the OW future acts warrants calling the police. Not anyone calling the police on you.

Imagine how stupid it would look if OW's parents called the police:

OW's Father: Hello police dept? I'd like to report being harrassed.

Dispatcher: Your name, address and brief account please. Please note that our calls are recorded for the protection of all parties involved.

OW's Father: My name is Ow's Father, I live on 99 Lax Way. This evening we received a call from a woman who called to inform us that our daughter was having an affair with her H. I consider that call annoying and harrassment.

Dispatcher: Did she threaten you or your immediate family with physical harm?

Ow's Father: No, she said she was encouraged to expose the affair my daughter is having with a married man. I don't think that is any of her business to bother us.

Dispatcher: Oh.... hm... (remember the dispatcher is recording this call) Well sir, so far you have not given me sufficient information to justify your request. Can you provide information that would justify your request?

Ow's Father: Well she only made 1 call but now my W and I are quite upset.

Dispatcher: Sir, I w/b upset if I found out my daughter was having an affair. Is it true?

Ow's Father: Yes she is having an A.

Dispatcher: Then you'd better rethink your situation unless you approve of your daughter riling up other family's like that.

Ow's Father: Well uh.....

Dispatcher: Now unless you have more info that I can actually use, I suggest you go and have a serious talk with your daughter. Btw, you s/b glad that woman isn't pressing charges on your daughter. Do you want to press charges against her H?

Ow's Father: No, I hear he is a nice man.

Dispatcher: Right. Goodbye sir.

Ows' Father: Bye.

Now does that sound stupid to you or what?!??!!? LOL!!!

I have to go to a meeting but will be back later......when you stop laughing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Orchid, thanks for clarifying that for me. And for the laugh. At least they now know that I exist and I did try not to act crazy.

The phone call to OW was another story, but frankly I could not care less about her.

Her father confirmed what I had guessed about OW, that she is a school teacher. He proudly told me this. Well, oddly enough my oldest daughter is a school teacher too. I did not mention this to him though.

When I mentioned to him that people (from my old job) had seen my car at her house. He jumped down my throat that was I having her followed ? I said, no I did not say that. But he was kinda yelling over me about having her followed, which, I do not think is against the law anyway !! geesh, they give me too much credit. I can do this intel on my own.

It is going to be verrrrry interesting to see how my WH reacts to all this I was doing while he was sleeping. Hey, he has been doing plenty for the last year or so, time to turn the tables.

Thanks so much for the concern. Please keep replies coming. I think I may have turned a corner here. What do you think ? I must get to the bottom and top of this mess.

Car

As you can see from the time, I am getting little sleep here. This is exactly what I am sick of. The turmoil, the lies, losing sleep, losing weight, not thinking clearly. Can I end this one way or another ?

I oddly feel a small amount of peace. I guess I feel this every time that I am doing something towards bringing this A or more apparently so, my M to an end. I just can not sit back and let this happen. I thought I was supposed to expose. When I called OW a month or so ago, that was when I openned my big mouth about calling her parents. So the damage has long been done. I just needed to tell someone close to her side of it. And, I guess to let her and them know that I was an actual person who is aware of what is going on and asking for help in stopping it.

Thanks to all who have read this and please help me with your suggestions or comments.

My son just today told me that money was the root of all evil and I told him that money had no part of affairs and there wasn't anything much more evil or painful than an affair. I am in pain here, been here for a long time. Just trying desperately to end it.

Thanks again - carnation

Orchid: Clarification is a good thing. Keeps us sane when crazy people babble. That's why my motto is to pray for a clear mind and a calm heart. Keeps us in balance and helps us stay focused. What do you think you s/b focused on?



Orchid: Good. This is a turning point for you. Unfortunately most of us feel this way AFTER going through what you did. See you are not alone in this quest but talking to an OW is a foolish quest.



Orchid: Well her father s/b proud she is a teacher but what is she teaching? Hm.... So does her conduct advocate to her students it is ok to lie, cheat and steal? Hm.... is that a good teacher? You see how an A can ruin more aspects of a person's life? That's just the beginning of what and who are being ruined. Her father right now is a fool or a very embarressed person. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt that he is embarressed and only now coming to his senses. After all if someone came to us and shocked us with news about 1 of our children, how would we react?



Orchid: Ya well you gotta understand he is in the fog. Babbling badly also. After all even if you were having her followed and she went to your house, you s/b incensed, not her father. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />



Orchid: Yes it w/b interesting, tense, suspenseful, dramatic, crazy and sad. Use reverse babble and you could throw in hysterical. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />




Orchid: I certainly hope you are at a turning point. Contact with the OW is enough to turn anyone off. LOL!! Seriously, I hope soon w/b able to move forward with or w/o the WS. In fact it w/b better w/o the WS and with your H. If your H doesn't show soon, you still need to move forward.

Let us know when you are ready to work on that plan.

take care,
L.

Thanks again, Orchid. Your replies make me feel as though I have gotten a nice, big hug. Which would feel very welcome about now. This dang puppy that WH got me before leaving again, likes biting my feet and ankels and short on the hugs. I am certain the puppy is his way of taking the focus off of him and giving me some unconditional love.

Orchid - What should my plan now be ? I don't do well unsurpervised !!!

And, if you would be so kind as to give me some reverse babble, it would be great.

Hopefully I won't wake up with the police at my door. It did surprise me when this man told me he knew approximately where I live. (which is 30 miles south of OW and him) Did WH and/or OW tell him or am I being followed ??? oh my gosh.

Thanks again. Car

Orchid: Glad to be of service. Pups are cute. Wish they could stay that way but that w/b selfish. Hm.... using puppies to distract you? Hm..... he isn't very bright is he? LOL!!! Your H was probably smarter than that. A's and being a WS has a way of diminishing those gray cells.


Orchid: Good question and glad you asked. Now part of this exercise is to get you in the right thinking mode so....... I will ask you, what do you think your plan s/b? Then answer, what do you think you can do to accomplish this plan?


Orchid: Reverse babble - the ability to give back the pain and stress by being slightly agreeable while turning the tables.

ex1:
WS: You need to get the D paperwork done.

BS: Ok, let me know when you get the paperwork.

ex2:

WS: I told you I don't love you anymore.

BS: Oh yea, that's right, well we don't love you as you are either.

ex3:
WS: Why are you trying to keep me from being happy?

BS: Um..... hm.... because you are trying to making me miserable and doing quite well.

ex4:

WS: You are controlling me.

BS: At least someone is. You realize you are out of control.




Orchid: Even if they did com 'a knockin' let them in and say a strange car kept showing up at your home. Then say the stranger's car and her father now know where you live and you do not feel safe. Learn to talk through their babble. It c/b hard at first but you'll get the hang of it.

L.

I think I should stay in Plan A for a while more. I am a giver and my WH is definetly a taker !! duh. I could tell ya alot more about that.

Although I am in Plan A, I have been feeling alot more detached lately. One can just take so much lies and deceit. I think part of Plan A is to expose, so I have gotten that handled !!

I am also in sort of a Plan B as we do not see each other for weeks on end, or does this sort of separation not count ? I do need the Plan B part that saves what little love I have for WH left. Oh, I lust him plenty, he is very good looking and charming, but his actions are disgusting me daily. I have definetly changed my thought process on this. I do not go absolutely crazy over the thought of losing him. I kinda see him for what he is.

My WH rarely says mean or unloving stuff to me. It is sugar this and honey that. Add to that a ton of lies. The lies are the deal breaker.

Orchid - I just need the truth from him and I do not see it coming ever !! I do not know if I can go on like this much longer. But, I am not strong enough to break it off, as y'all probably know by now.

Oh, I read on another thread if substance abuse is involved, that MB principles do not apply all of the time. My WH is a HUGE drinker. If he is not driving the truck - he is drinking. hands down. This I also do not like.

Thanks again. carnation

U can't do a 1/2 hearted plan B. They don't work. Check out Alnon or ask Mel to give you some suggestions. Bramble Rose is also one who has helped many dealing with alcohol problems.

Rethink your plans dear. You need a stronger one. Be focused. Have a goal. Identify your boundaries and don't keep changing them to suite his supposed needs. When you keep changing, it encourages the WS to keep having an A. Even if it is in his head. The makes the abuse little or big continue. The BS gets tired and worn out.

L.

Car

Sorry I beat up on ya...

Its not the end of the world, just I hope proof that talking to OPs is like spitting in the wind.

You are starting to value yourself seperate from your WH. That is a great step car !

I believe my self respect is a blessing second only to my salvation. You are a worthy person who does not deserve disrespect.

One thing I learned from my own mess is the amount of crap people swallow just because its somebody who they're married to handing it out.

Continue to behave nobly and be proud of yourself.

Orchid - I do need some sort of plan. IF only he would open up, IF only he would stop lying - wait, that is him. and his plan. what about me and my plan ?

I still need some kind of proof too. Now that I have her cell phone #, it is possible to get her cell phone records online. But, I do not see very many, if any M2M calls like before. That may be a huge waste of money, but If it gives me the tangible proof that I am looking for, well maybe.

A plan - I need a plan. (and proof to back it up)

Bob - what you said was an honest reaction to my messing up, again. I took it in the manner it was meant.

Thanks for noticing my small improvements here. They come and they go, but I am not as maniacal as before. Ok, besides the 2 blantant phone calls, but now they know as much as I know. I need this out there. I need proof.

Thank you so much for your help Orchid and Bob. It means the world to me right about now. Off to try and get some sleep. thanks again.

Car

My dear carnation,

Your plan A is NOT about changing the WS or Xws. It is about you improving, protecting and preserving YOU.

Now what is it about you that you need to improve? Don't be afraid to say you have a short list or down to 1.

Once we get that identified, we can work on a plan that will make changes!!! Wow, did I just stick my foot in my mouth? Nope, but I c/b typing with my toes. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

Car, make him aware of what exactly? What will you be doing now?

carnation, the problem is that you continue to believe that you need to "prove" what you and him already know. You don't have to prove what you know. I would start frm that premise and move forward.

And I would also point out that you will probably always live like this as long as he is on the road. I don't see how you can work on your marriage if he is not here.

Have you considered counseling with Steve Harley and getting his assessment? I would probably be money well spent.

Thanks again Orchid. I seriously think that I have made alot of positive changes in me since I have found this board. Had I not stopped the LBs back in January, I am sure he would have chosen OW by now. (not that he hasn't, but is still playing us both)

Changes still need to be made within me ? hmm.... be a little less shoot from the hip. Be a little more calmer, don't hang on my WH's every word (which are ususally lies anyway) be more positive. I would say detach from WH but I think that would be Plan B. I do see some positive changes in me but knowing what to do and being able to carry it through is another thing !

Speaking of WH - he just called for his morning call. He was pleasant, no real noticeable change in him. Surely she must have contacted him by now. He was not over the top lovey dovey as he can be but he was nice and plesant. Did not talk long as he needs to deliver a load soon but it went much smoother than I had imagined.

Of course, he can not in any way let on to me that he knows of last night's activities. Since he denies and denies that he even knows her. But I thought I would be able to tell from his call what he knew and how he felt about it all. So far, no clue.

The more I think about talking with her father - I do have my nerve sometimes - he knows more about this A than he is letting on to me. I think I handled the talk pretty good, could have said much more in my favor but I also could have done alot worse. At the very least, he has been notified. Are we ALL in denial here ???

Thanks so much for the adivce and concern. Please keep comments coming. I don't do too good on my own.

car