Nope really I don't know anyone with a pickup.... Most of my friends drive cars. I know most people believe everyone here has pickups but not true....

But for now I am not going to worry over it. he has made no move yet and he has been saying ot for months.

LOL ARk I have no need for any of that stuff... My kids are way to old

I know you don't need it..
ain't there some starving artists and crafty people just looking for raw materials like them there tires.

ARK

isn't it "them thar tars"? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

ha ha lost..
it took me a minute...

I was like tars...??
'tars???????????

than I said...

TIRES!!!!!!!!!!!!= TARS!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU are a true-blue Yank!!!!!!!!!!!!

hows your WH Hubby?????

hows bout an update???????????

ark

I say find a pickup, get some help and move the crap out. Your BIL, kid's friends, etc. etc. Also, your county/city may have a junk ordinance and haul stuff like that off for free. Check with your county/city Sanitation Department. Hold a "junk" sale. Lots of people like to collect and it sounds as if your WH was one. He really won't like that when you start cleaning up and doing things on your own. What's that saying about clearing the clutter and your life then doesn't feel as out of control. His "clutter" is cluttering your life, so clear it out. He's been all talk and no action to this point about doing it, so get it done on your own. Where there's a will, there's a way.

Put adds up on local bulletin boards to give the junk away. AND . . . . Don't worry about "making him mad" etc. It doesn't matter what you do, he's going to find fault in it. Everything you do and anything you say isn't going to be ok with him, so you may as well get done what you need to get done. I'm saying CLEAR THAT CLUTTER GIRL - Go for it. You'll be surprised what you can "man" handle around and take care of if you have to. It'll give you a sense of accomplishment and occupy your time.

The car must be fixed?

ark

great advice as usual!

i always learn alot by reading things from you.



hurting

i LOVE this!

Well just got home from son's school. I talked to the counselor there and explained all that us happening. She was bery sympathetic seems she went through this last yr herself. but alas she got divorced and he WH is now buying a house with OW. Anyhow she is going to talk to son and see if she can help him. I do she can.

And you all are right I am going to start on the yard tonite and get as much done as I can so he can see I don't need him to do it.

Some of the stuff he needs to haul off will be at the curb waiting for him. And hopefully other people will pick it up first.

So far today he has not tried to call or anything which is good. but if he comes by here I will not answer the door. Thats gonna be a tough one for me but I am going to do it.
He wants a divorce, let him see whats its all about now.
I don't want him to get a home fix, I want him to wallow in his misery for awhile and see how he likes it.

Talked to D this morning and I believe she now understand about the N/C with him and how important it is for me.

Did some more job apps. so something has to come along soon I hope......

Well gonna put some music on and clean up the house .... but I will be lurking here ......

You're doing GREAT.

Doesn't it feel good to take some control of your life!

Follow-up apps with a phone call and put a cover letter on them to distinguish you from others.

Put a sign on the stuff on the curb that says "free". You'll get rid of it fast that way.

You might not hear from him today. Tomorrow's Friday and he has to figure out how to spend the weekend, so be prepared.

Turn that music up and dance!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

ty inanutshell, I do feel better now that I have figured out what to do.....

As far as his weekend goes, I am sure he won't have problems with that. OW does not work weekends so I am sure lala land will be in full force.... Since he has moved out weekends all except for one have pretty much been peaceful here he is to busy playing kissy face with her.

Weekends are the hardest for me right now, but I am making plans so I don't have to be here much. I am invited to a wedding on Sat. but don't think I will go. I just think it will bring up to many memories and I don't want to ruin someone else's day. I think its to soon for me for that.
So I will figure something else out to do .. Maybe take the kids to the lake or something....

why is it when you are alone and being busy all of a sudden you see or hear something that just brings back all the memories?

you hear a song that you never really realized had so much meaning to you, until you hear it. or you pick something up and look at it and remember when that special someone gave it to you, even if it was years ago?

Why is it you just want to run away and never look back? I am so tired of asking myself why..... I know I will never know the answer, as why can someone you love so much hurt you so bad? Don;t they feel the pain at all?

The pain that runs so deep you can actually feel your heart breaking so bad you just want to rip it out. I just want to scream so loud and long to release some of it. I just want to go up to him and knock the crap out of him. I want to go to the OW and just let her have all my fury.

I was doing real good here until I started going through some things and found pictures of happier days. I just want to rip them up and throw them in his face. I want him to hurt like I do ....... I just want it all to end .....

Hurting:

My heart aches for you..I know exactly how you are feeling right now.

In answer to your WHY questions, it's because we have suffered a MAJOR LIFE TRAUMA.. Steve Harley told me that discovery of infidelity ranks higher on the trauma scale than child abuse.. You are suffering from an EMOTIONAL WOUND....

It will take TIME..a lot of time to HEAL. However, healing does and can occur for you. I continue to suffer even after almost 3 years from D-Day. However, it is only occasionally but it does come, as you are noticing, when there is a trigger... Try to remove all triggers..

I didn't trash FAMILY PICTURES, for example, but I put them away.. Some pictures I've taken out again, some I have not...

Make whatever choices that will make YOU feel better.. Nurture yourself as you have nurtured your children when they are sick..Treat yourself with tender, loving care. I was able to rely on my religious faith. When I didn't have anyone else, I knew I could trust the SAVIOR to help me...

You said:



Go ahead and do this...it helps....


Your feelings are normal and expected. We've been there...You are not alone.....

I know how you feel too. I removed pictures from the home, and boxed them up and put them away. I took anything that reminded me of happier days and put it away. Then I painted and rearranged furniture, put up some mirrors and pictures I got at garage sales, and the place looked completely different.

It gave me a sense of some control.

hurting,
Check out the thread started by faithful follower with subject title Bramble Rose. on page 2 is the story of Bramble Rose's 1st job...its amazing.

Hurting:

Yes. The pain can sometimes be unbearable. You are not alone. What can you do to make you feel better after a 'trigger' hits you? Might as well be prepared. I haven't yet touched any of my photo albums, and probably won't for awhile. There are enough unexpected triggers - any way to keep the numbers down?

quote:---------------------------------------------------
....I just want to scream so loud and long to release some of it. I just want to go up to him and knock the crap out of him
---------------------------------------------------------
Would a bunch of pillows as a WH substitute do, since he's not 'available'?

{{{{hugs}}}}

Mimi

Ty for reponding. I just feel so lost right now. I do know in time this will get better. I am trying so hard to get past the pain ,but it keeps rearing its ugly head at me.

I look at my son and see his dad, he looks so much like him and it just tears me up. I love my son so very much and I hate what this is doing to him. I hate what this is doing to all of us.

Why can't that OW just drop off the face of the earth, why can't she just leave my H alone. What joy does she get out of this , knowing she is tearing a family apart? she does not even have her own life squared away. Still married after 6 yrs of seperation, what kinda mother would bring a strange married man in her home with her 13 yr old D living there?

Why dosn't WH realize what kind of person she really is. Why would he give up a family who loves him for someone like this? So many questions but no answers. I know I will never get them either.

It's just been a bad day today to many triggers. Tomorrow will be better ....I have hope for my future no matter the outcome. I will get stronger and life will be good again ....

You said:



and



Oh how well I remember those exact same thoughts when I was in your position....

Turns out, Hurting, this was the value of PLAN B. When my FWH was with her 24/7, he learned who the OW really was. It really burst the fantasy for him. She could not keep up her act all the time. He nows refers to what she was doing as being ALL Bull$#%#^.

Folks on here know that I've had a terrible time not dwelling on the FOW. However, in reality, Hurting, I'm finally accepting, believing and knowing that it's really not about HER. It's about you and your H. Focus on being the best HURTING that you can be. You are already a WINNER- because you have yourself and your self-respect. She is not even on your level. Don't even compare yourself to her. She will never be in your class....

It's also about your H, realizing that you can provide what he needs and wants, and that he may lose you if he is not able to get rid of HER....

your right mimi, I know I am a better woman than she could ever be. I would never lower myself to her level. Maybe WH feels like he needs to wallow in trash right now, who knows.

WH already has lived with her for one month before coming back home. Of course I was plan a'ing at the time so he still got a dose of home and me. Right now he is not moved totally back in with her but he spends most nights with her. But one thing for sure he won't be getting doses of home or me this time. I'll just sit back and watch the fantasy disappear, or at least thats what I am hopeing for.
I still get stupid thoughts of what if this is real and they do really love each other. But then I realize how can lies and deciet become real love..... So its just a matter of time, how much time who knows but one thing for sure if I was him I'd be praying that my wife will still want me when I am done playing.....

Hurting:

As much as it HURTS, your thinking is right on target...

He's out there playing...actually WITH FIRE...

It will be his loss if he doesn't wake up before it is too late.....