Found out that he's started talking to women using an online personals. Don't know if he's actually met any.

All this after we just spent Fri, Sat and Sun together on a very nice road trip. I thought we were having a great time too. ******.

Ok guys...hit me with it...what do I do?

U did it already. Now you gotta step back and watch the results.

The question is, r u gonna do this again?

L.

Dear Stop the world,
Too bad you let your temper get the best of you. Having his email account and not saying anything would have allowed you to monitor what he was doing without him finding out. I shot myself in the foot also, when I was monitoring my husband PC history and told him about it. (stupid, stupid) While doing snooping, do not tell, just gather your evidence. When they know, they just get sneakier and go underground. I Learned that one the hard way. Remember, think about the long haul, and be quiet about what you are doing.

I don't know what I'm going to do Orchid. I'm pretty upset right now. Emotions running amuck.

It's funny because he's been asking me these off the wall questions about stuff and now I know why - to answer these women. I know it sounds weird but listen for a sec: We have a print in our bedroom, Van Gogh's Night Stars. He asked me the other night after we had fooled around what the name of that print was. I told him. Well, as it turns out one of the women had the same print hanging on her wall in her pic and he mentioned it in his intro note. What a jerk. That means he was thinking of her right after, if not during, SF with ME. There are other things like this, but I'm so hurt right now.
All the crap he's writing he HAS RIGHT NOW. All the stuff these women are offering, he HAS RIGHT NOW. But instead of looking to me, he want's something new I guess. What a jerk. I'm so angry/hurt/upset. Argh!!!!

God, I know how you feel. So sorry for your pain stop the world.

ooh the wicked wahine in me would write back as the WS to these women and say really nasty stuff that would turn most women off. Yep, like farting after sex, burping during sex and sometimes get the runs right after sex. YUCK!!! You know make it gross but for guys it c/b a manly thing. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Of course the desparate OWs would say they love the smell of bad breathe and farts. I knew one who did. Yep PBR, the one mine hooked up with. I read it in an e-mail. Ow said something about liking the smell of his morning breathe and even his farts. LOL!!! Now was that a desparate OW or just someone with a bad sinus condition!?!?!?!? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

I love my H but not that much. LOL!!!

L.

Better yet setup a seperate email account yourself and then act like another woman and setup a date with him. Make it at a hotel promise lots of sex, oral, anal, etc. Then won't he die when it is you that comes out of the room? (If your hubby is violent have a body guard on call.)

Hi, stwp.

Quote:
==============================
It's funny because he's been asking me these off the wall questions about stuff and now I know why - to answer these women.
==============================

So, have some fun with it and start feeding him skewed information. It will be amazing what he will believe from you, and pass on.

All the best,
Gimble

You guys are great. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Thank you. Just when I am feeling so low, you find a way to make me laugh.

What a riot to tell these women all that gross stuff! I like the idea of setting up an ad myself. Wouldn't he just die since I asked him, casually, this past weekend (before I knew about this - what timing) if he's been looking to meet new people and of course he said no.

Orchid: Glad to oblige. Laughter is healing medicine ya know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />


Orchid: Yea well, it's even funnier because some of it happened. I oughta know, it happened to me. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> OW's like bad breathe....no wonder they stink. LOL!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

BTW, he isn't meeting 'new people', he's meeting creatures (from that A mothership). <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Even to this day, when I mention the OW, I refer to the OW as 'those people'..... in fact I even asked if he was bi-sexual. LOL!!! He emphatically denied it of course, then I looked at him and asked again. He denied again and I said, well you denied the same when you lied about the A and OW, so why should I believe you this time? Oh boy.....that made him show me the difference and BAMMMM there I had it, now he couldn't lie about the OW or A, he just gave away when he lied vs telling the truth. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

L.

I actually talked (via IM) to one of these women this morning and told her he's married. She was all "good luck, you know there are guys out there that don't cheat, I've been there" etc.

I haven't heard from WH about any of this yet. I have a feeling he's not going to say anything for a couple of reasons, 1. he hates confrontations and 2. he would have to admit he IS looking for 'those people'.

Here's my question for you guys: Last week we signed up to take a dance class on Sunday nights for the next 4 weeks. Should I do this or not? Second, we also have plans tomorrow night, should I still go? (All this *assumes* he's doing these things)

He's avoiding the serious talks by saying he needs to talk to his therapist first, but schedules these appts 2 weeks apart. I feel like I need to do more than what I'm doing because this Plan A just isn't working for me. (Or maybe it is doing just what it's supposed to do) I am thinking more and more about going into Plan B. I want this marriage, but his continued behaviour is simply not acceptable to me. He does not seem to be concerned by that and I feel like a doormat at the moment. Especially knowing that he's probably trying things out on me first before using it on 'those women'.

Well, I ended up going into Plan B this afternoon. It wasn't completely unplanned. I had written(and rewritten) the letter already and have been seriously considering for a little bit now. The timing just seemed to be now for me to go into it.

He says that when I exposed it was "your counter-attack was ruthless, unforgiving and hurtful... I can't help but equate you to <my xW> when I think of it and that's the problem... I can't live through anything like her again. She nearly destroyed me"

He seems to have completely forgotten or chosen to ignore the fact that it was HIS choice of actions that set all this into motion.

Since I didn't actually send a letter and Plan B was done via IM, should I go ahead and send it? or would that be overkill?

Well, I probably would have responded to him with "counter-attack? I didn't realize we were fighting against each other...I simply did what needed to be done to try to save our marriage." Then followed up with "Well, I'm sorry you feel that way about what I did...it is interesting though...what you describe does neatly sum up YOUR actions in conducting this affair!"

But that's me. Probably better done your way! Hehehe

Yeah Owl, in looking back at the text of the conversation I can see where I could have answered back (or not answered at all) better. Living and learning here.

I'm scared. Seriously scared. None of this is what I wanted. But I know that at some point I need to stop being a doormat and start being a human being that deserves to be treated with a little dignity and respect. <shakes fist in the air>

I am trying to boost myself here if you can't tell. I am hoping for the best, but right now I fear the worst.

Since I didn't actually send a letter and Plan B was done via IM, should I go ahead and send it? or would that be overkill?


<bump>