WH's dad passed away several weeks ago. Some months prior to that I decided it was time to go to Plan B, but I kept coming up with excuses to put off actually doing it. This one's a doozy of an excuse -- a valid reason to wait.

3 months seems too soon. Maybe 6 months would be appropriate?

I don't want to put this off forever and end up living the rest of my life this way.

Ewon,

You are going to need to give us more information here.

How long have you been in Plan A.?
What measures have you taken for self improvement?
Does the A continue?
What have you been doing to deposit love units and prohibit love busters?
What about exposure?

Sorry about the death of your FIL.
Still, as tragic as that my be, there are other factors to consider when deciding that the time is ripe for Plan B.

Thank you for replying, LostTranslation. I noticed in your sig line that you have just gone to Plan B.


I've been thinking about starting my own thread here, there is so much to say and sort out. Writing about it helps clarify things in my own mind. I have no one to talk to (in person) about this situation. None of my friends or family know what is going on. I need help working out a lot more than just how long to wait. This post was a good step for me.


About 4 years. It's time for a change!

WS = cakeman.


Got an AD prescription. Very helpful.

I've improved my self-esteem to the point where I recognize that I deserve to be treated with dignity and respect, know that the current situation is unacceptable, and that the only way to change it is to make a move to Plan B.

I am now enrolled in a course to update and improve my skills so I can get a full-time to support myself in the future.

I made some new friends, a great group of women that I get together with for lunch and other activities a couple times each month. (Prior to this I had no friends, I was very isolated.)


Yes. There has *never* been a period of NC this whole time.


Basically by trying to meet WS's needs, and not bringing up the A. Trying not to do things that would cause WS to get upset and yell at me (like overcook bacon or talk to him when he's playing his online game). That probably says volumes about the relationship.


WH's whole family knows about it. FIL condoned the relationship (something I didn't know until earlier this year). Beyond them there is no one to expose to.


Thank you. It has been quite stressful. You are right, there is much here to consider.

One thing that put me over the edge was something I found while sorting papers at FILs house. I almost left then and there, but decided not to make an issue of it due to the circumstances (it was a few days after the funeral). I came across a card that OW had sent to FIL this past June, for father's day. She signed it "love, WH & OW xoxoxo."

This one's a doozy of an excuse -- a valid reason to wait.

what exactly in your opinion makes this a valid reason to wait?

ark

EyesWide,

Quote:About 4 years. It's time for a change

Wow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Forget your M, spend all your time working on yourself.

I can't imagine the difficulty you had even posting your details.

MB forums WILL NOT give you the self esteem you seek, nor the courage to correct your horrendous sounding M. That can only come from you. The danger is that MB forums can function as a pressure release valve for your anger and thusly permit you to continue to wallow in your situation.

Make your step here be your first in your journey but not the destination.

Good luck and my prayers go with you

About 4 years. It's time for a change!
You have known about MB and practiced Plan A for 4 years?You only registered in Jun of this year.
Do you mean you have been doing Plan A type stuff & known about the affair for 4 years?

No reason to wait more than a few weeks. It could be an advantage to do it as he has added stress from his fathers death.

Ark, thank you for replying to me. I think it is a valid reason to wait because it would be cruel at this time. Golden rule thinking.

I also don't want his last memory of our relationship that I kicked him while he was down.

Cymanca, thank you for replying to me.

I know that the forums won't raise my self esteem, but I do think there is more benefit than just being able to vent. Other members will ask hard questions, and there is value to be gained from reflecting on those questions and discussing the issues with others who have been there and done that.

When I first posted this question, I thought it was so simple. I didn't thing anyone would disagree that going to Plan B at this time would be a terrible thing to do to WH.

I really have gained insight into the basis of some of my behaviors. Recognizing that is the first step to making positive changes. Admitting to myself that I don't deserve to be treated this way and that I do not want to live this way for the rest of my life is a big step forward.

Chris, thank you for replying to me.

Yes, that about sums it up. I have been mostly lurking off and on from quite early on. I had an id on the old board.


I'm not sure if it will be an advantage, as OW is right there ready to comfort him and tell him what a bad wife I am. That's her theme song.

ewon,

How long have you been married? Do you have children? If so how old are they?

I have been married 26 years. No children.

Wow! 26 years is a lot of history together. Good times and bad times. You must know eachother like a book...

hmmm, I think it is time to rewrite your book! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" /> This could be fun!

1. Go to a new beauty salon that specializes in tasteful makeovers. Change your hairstyle and hair color. Spoil yourself with a pedicure. Do the hair removal bit...how about having the pubes done in a heart shape? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

2. Take a class in something exotic that has always interested you.

3. Play sexy music on the stereo.

4. Take your baths by candle light.

5. Join a community improvement project.

6. Make sure you always look and smell your best.

7. Start doing unexpected things that you find fun on a regular basis.

8. spend more time away from home.

Over the last year I have started doing more of those sorts of things. Earlier this year I got my hair colored for the first time. LostTranslation, you've given me some good ideas for future adventures.

Just remember, WH is NOT a priority in your life. H is. If he's not present, don't go chasing him, trying to find him.

The key to the alien mothership that captured your H can only be unlocked from the inside...