Dear Milk,

I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what that feels like to know the papers are comming.

You are right. This is his choice that he will have to live with for the rest of his life and answer to God for.

Protect your darling DS3 at all costs.

Your H is a fool. He doesn't know what this will cost him later.

I am praying for you and DS3.
with love,
VTY

All things work together for the good of those who love God.

Thanks VTY. I was served today at work. Isn't that nice?

And I was stunned to look at the paper. H said I am not a fit parent because of the history of my repeated threat to kidnap DS3! That is a total lie! I NEVER EVER threatened him that I would take DS3 out of the country! When H asked, yes, I said I would like to have an option to be able to go to my home country, but I NEVER threatened H. I cannot believe H made it up. Then because of that, the paper said H is the better fit to have a full custody. Also the paper said I have been mentally cruel to H throughout our M without any reasons. I just could not believe it.

Plus, he put in a temporary restraining order! Even though I told him about our trip and he said okay a month and a half ago!

Then when my lawyer spoke to H's lawyer, apparently he said H only wants a joint custody, not a sole custody. Then why on earth did he put in such a nasty lie about me??? Tonight one of H's sisters called H furious about this, because H has told everyone in the family "Milk is a great mother and DS3 is happy with her", and he told me this as well. So she was like "what the h*** did you put in such a nasty language that says Milk is not a fit mother?". Then H just hung up on her. Then she tried again. Then H told her "oh, of course Milk is a good mother and she is a fit parent, but my lawyer wanted to put in like that, that is what everyone does, Milk should know about this".

So EVEN THOUGH H knew this is a lie, he agreed that his lawyer says this?? And the temporary restraining order is another thing! H basically again agreed that we would go on this trip later this month, so this TRO really does not serve its purpose. My lawyer said H'S lawyer is an idiot. It's only costing me and H. H is really not getting anything, b/c I am coming back, and he knows it.

I just can't believe he hired such a nasty lawyer.

Sorry to hear about your inpending D. I'm there too. (Currently waiting for a pretrial)

Good luck getting things worked out somehow.

Like you, I have a young daughter and I'm really worried about her.

Thanks Gramn. Yes, sometimes I wish H just disappered. That way I do not have to lie to DS3. I can say "your daddy was the best daddy and loved you to death but he is gone". I don't have to go through this constant "why my daddy is not home? Why aren't you together?", etc.

Anyway, it's what it is. H is not the same person we all used to know. I hope DS3 will grow up to be an honest, strong person despite all of this mess in his life.

Dear Milk,

In my opinion, your H has hired a sleazey money grubbing lawyer. The lawyer knows you will fight this of course.Then he will make more money in billable hours defending your H's claims.

Meanwhile the real issues do not get addressed Because you are sidetracked defending this B/S. So you compromise on what you really want and deserve because you are tired and fed up with the whole mess or you run out of money.

Then he looks like a hero because he got H so much more than he thought he would ever get.

DO NOT fall into this trap! No good will come of it. Don't waste alot of precious time and money. See if your lawer is willing to get your divorce a trial date as soon as possible and bring it before the judge to settle.


I Corinthians 7:15
Yet if the unbleiving one leaves,let him leave; the brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases, but God has called you to peace.

Pray about it and ask the lord for peace.He will give it.

AS for me I spoke to Steve H today. I am now in a form of plan B. He advised me to go dark which is ok since I decided to stop tring to fix it and let God handle it from here out. The only thing am unsure about is if I should give him a plan B type letter. I have to pray on that one.

know that you are in my prayers,
VTY

VTY,

Thanks. I just do not have any hope whatsover..

Milk

Milk,

I understand. I really am sorry you are going through this. You seem like a very lovely person.

Perhaps I'll see you on the divorcing / divorce form.

I have been visting up there.
They seem like a good group.

AS you know I check on you every day.
I am here for you though anytime you want to talk.

VTY

Thank you VTY.

There has been a small breakthrough. Late last night, my SIL called me. She spoke to my H, and she told him

"I hope you are not going to get angry when I say this, but Milk is very hurt by the harsh languages used in your D papers"

Then H said it is just the legal stuff, and he knows I am a good mother and will have a custody of DS3. And as for the part it says "mental cruelty", H told his sister if he can ask his lawyer to take that off, he would (although I highly suspect H would do this, this is one of his empty promises, I am very sure of it). But at least he admitted that he did not mean them. So emotionally I felt better.

Also, as for the legal "battle" H said he is willing to drag out as long as necessary, he told his sister that he does not wish to make this into a long ugly process and would like to settle with me amicably.

So that is another good thing to hear.

I am trying to look at positives, and although I am not in the best place, knowing at least my H is not willing to bankrupt us and believes I am a good mother, made me feel a bit better.

I still cried. I still cried so much last night and this morning. H seriously wants to move on, and that really made me truly sad. And I am scared of my unknown future. I am scared of even a small thing, such as having have to move out of my house and have to look for another place for me and DS3. Having have to find another daycare for DS3 that I can afford. Having have to remove DS3 from his familiar places - his house he was born in, his daycare he has been going since he was 6 months old, his friends and teachers, and our neighbor's daughter who is like DS3's sister (they play together every day).... How am I going to handle this all by myself? It is just not so fair. But since we have a large equity in the house (I made the down payment), if I give H a half of that, I cannot buy him out, we have to sell it.

Hi Milk,

Why do you think you will have to give him 50 percent?
He is the one who wants a divorce.
Did you lawyer say you have to?

I don't the judge would say it is in the best instest of DS3 to have to move?

Why do you think you have to sell?

I'll check on you later.
VTY

Thank you VTY. I don't know what to think of anymore. I am just very hurt.

His sister in Italy wrote to me this morning. She said she has spoken to H before he filed for divorce, and he was very set on what he had decided. She was sorry for me and said she would not think I want H back even if he wants to come back to us one day b/c I am too hurt.

Thanks for your suggestion about the house. My friend basically said the same thing and I will check with my lawyer about the house situation. Also from what H told me on Friday, his lawyer seemed to be a bit upset that he did not tell his lawyer about his arrest, and apparently was told that "it would cost him a bit". So now he wants to settle. Nothing is FOR me. He just wants to settle FOR his own sake. H sent me 2 pics of DS3. He is trying to push my button to make me emotional. I will not fall for that anymore. I cannot believe how calculating, cold, self-centered individual H has become!

How was your weekend?

Love,
Milk

Hi Milk,
Sorry I didn't post sooner,my weekend was just awful!!!

I think I made a big mistake.
H showed up at our house unexpectedly. I have asked him to call before he comes, but this time he didn't. He needed to get his summons for jury duty, since he hadn't changed his address yet. I was totally suprised and taken off guard. I don't know why he would drive 40 mins. to find out I wasn't home?

Steve H told me to go dark,no contact.

I think I made a mistake. When you go dark I think that they are just supposed to wonder what happened.

I told my H he was right that he couldn't love me again.
I was not going to try anymore. I told him that I had tried very hard. He said "I know". He said " I don't THINK I can". So I told him it's not that you can't you don't want to!!!

So I said where do we go from here? His response " I don't know what the next step is."

So now my H goes merrily on his way. First thing he does is go line to his dating websites.

Yes, I feel awful. This is your thread though. Please forgive me. I just need to vent. I know God is taking care of me and this will work out for my good. I he doesn't need me "helping" him.

How are you holding up?

Love,
VTY

I am sorry to hear your weekend was "ruined" by the surprise visit by your H. It's never easy to see the person you trusted and to see that the person in front of you is a different person.

I am not holding up too well. H went to pick up DS3 from his daycare last night and came by the house to drop him off. It was the first time to see him after I was served last Monday. I could not see his face. H said "once the whole thing is settled, DS3 can just stay over night at my ploace...", to which I did not say anything, but was thinking "no way". He already spends every other weekend, and then once a week. There is no way that DS3 will spend more time at H's. H is so selfish.

H became a jerk, for sure.

VTY, are you still there? How are you doing?

Love,
Milk

Hi Milk,

Yes, I am still here. I have been checking in from time to time but not posting. I am ok today. I feel awful about what I said to my H. I feel that God has been dealing with me and is convicting me to tell H that I am sorry.

I had another session with Steve H.(probably the last one for awhile.) I asked Steve why he said to go dark,He said it was because I seemed so down he was afraid I didn't have enough energy to continue contact. But if I did have enough energy to remain in contact he thought I would have a better chance to save the marriage.

So now I have a decision to make. It's been 10 days since I talked to H. Steve doesn't think I need to appologize, but that I could have said what I did in a nicer way. I still feel I need to tell him that I'm sorry.

So ..... I have decided to try contact again tomorrow and see how I feel. Since I never told him no contact, I won't be going back on my word. I think he will however think that I am trying to fix the marriage again once I contact him.

How are you doing?

How is DS3?

with love and faith,
VTY