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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 368
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 368 |
WH sent this to a friend. He's told me the same stuff before and I still don't know how to respond. HELP!? "I don't hold on to anger, at least I try not to. Even though I get mad at <exW> for denying me my children, I still admit that there is a part of me that will always love her. Love IS eternal, it fades but never goes away. That's why I have to divorce BS. She may love me but I don't and can't love her. For all of the wonderful qualities she has, for all of her generosity, for her devotion, caring and understanding... I can't make myself be in love with her. I love her as a friend and as a person but I can't love her as a partner... I've tried, I've wanted to, I can't.
BS needs someone that can love her like she can love them. Someone to share her joy and accomplishments, someone to return all of the positive things she does for them. With me she may be happy for the short term but in the long term I will just bring her misery and unhappiness. I'm probably resigning myself to a life of lonliness and desolation but I can't live false. She deserves so much better than I.
I'm no martyr, I'm terrified of where my actions might be taking me. No-one wants to die alone and unloved. That may be where my actions lead me, if so I suppose I will have deserved it. I pray that it isn't. I pray that I can be loved like I love. I trust that god's plan for me will come to fruition as long as I live honestly. It may be a fairytale but I can hope."
BS: 37 (me) WH: 35 D-Day: 6/10/05 Plan A'd from a distance - WH moved out Plan B started: 10/04/05 Plan B fell apart: 10/14/05 Back on the Plan B pony 10/23/05 Baby stepping in recovery since 11/06/05
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,903
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,903 |
My take, and this is VERY simplistic. STOP is a great, funny, fantastic, woman, what the HECK is she doing with me? I better leave her before she figures out I am not the guy she thinks I am and leaves me first. I will try real hard to make my M out to be something it's not so it is easier to walk away, but the plan truth is, M with STOP scares me because it is capable of hurting so much if she were to leave....
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
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Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 368
Member
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Member
Joined: Jun 2005
Posts: 368 |
Ok, thanks. I kinda saw that too. I am wondering why he's put me up on this perch. But, how do I respond to this? What...do...I...say? Especially to the "I've tried and can't love you" stuff.
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Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,903
Member
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Member
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 2,903 |
Things I say to my H are:
I am a bright, funny, beautiful, kind and loving woman. I am a great person, and I picked you...my equal.
Love hurts sometimes, but it doesn't matter who you are with, it will hurt sometimes. So you'd rather the next girl break your heart? Or would you rather try to work things out and be vulnerable to me?
It is not my intention to hurt you. And I don't think it is your intention to hurt me. I'd like to work on this with you...the final outcome can be BLISS!
Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we might as well dance!
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