You've answered your questions in your post...

WARNING: You will now go withdrawal from him and will be hurting...

Regardless of how much it hurts, NO MORE CONTACT!!!!!

So far mimi I am not hurting just scared I did the wrong thing.....

Actually I have felt very good today about this.... Not saying it won't happen later but for now I am fine with it....

So I answered my own questions .... then I am thinking this is were he wanted to be..... Because I don't believe its just SF with him..... He is attached of that I am sure... I also believe he is scared of losing me and now I have to make him more scared by going way dark .....

You've got it, Hurting...

Another lesson I learned was to TRUST MY GUT....

((((((((((hugs)))))))
you didnt do anything wrong- you love him and he responded- its human and love.
Hopefully he and my h will wake up and come home to their wives and not the ow.

well thats what I did last night.... My gut told me this was th right move and I needed to show him I do want him and love him and that I do forgive him.... And the forgiving part is something I don't take lightly and in my heart I have done that already and he knows it.....

I will never forget but I can forgive and move on without using it as a weapon with him.....

I find it hard to understand how I can have already gotten to the forgiving stage while this is going on. But I am at peace with forgiving him at this time. I think it is the one thing that has kept me going on is that I can and do forgive this.

I was afraid to post all of this today because I really expected a lot of flack about it. And I am sure I still may get some, but one thing I know is I had to trust my own instincts in this one thing and it felt right.....

Oh winter I do hope your right for both of us.... I see great hope in your sitch as well......

I think detaching and going dark from my WH is starting to really scare him. And now that he has had a little taste and I go real dark I am hoping this will knock him on my side of the fence.... yes maybe I fell a few steps behind now but one thing for sure he definatley has something to remember and think about.....

I am having a reallygood feeling about all of this.... For some reason fear is not in my gut today....

I am remembering the smile I got this morning as he drove off, it looked like my H not the WH....

You know I think is easier for me now due to the fact I was used to him being gone on the road. So since I know thats where he is, its kinda feels like it used to when he was gone..... Plus knowing he is alone and not with OW I know makes it easier on me.....

Well, here comes the flack. You forgave him, and he is still continuing it. What sense does that make? Forgiveness should be when he stops, comes home, and is your husband again.

You are teaching him that you will forgive him for continuing to eat cake.

Well you are probably right about that. And maybe I am wrong in it but its something I felt I had to do for myself to keep moving forward.

Maybe I am wrong in telling him this as well... But it is something I have told him before I ever started posting here. I told him the first time he moved back home.... I f orgave him for the betrayal and breaking my trust not for cake eating.... When he came home the first time I told him I had forgiven him and was wanting to trust him again. He broke the trust again , but I have not taken my forgivness from him. Maybe I should but its not something I feel I can do or want to do...

I know he chose to do what he did and I know it was wrong and hurtful but I could not walk around with hate and anger inside myself, so I chose to forgive and show I am a better person for being able to do that.

Maybe someday I will regret it but I don't think so...

Is there a way to link these threads together? Or should I just copy and paste to get them all together?

I agree. I think it is a really good thing too. Under the circumstances - ya did good !! I am very happy for you. I know you must feel like a queen.

He is coming around. It is working out perfect. Just stay dark and leave him with the fond memory of the "night"

I am smiling for you !! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Car

Ty carnation for those words of encouragement...

Not to sure I feel like a queen right now, I am happy to have the memory of it for sure...

I do hope he is coming around, but I can't be confident in it.... I don't want to be let down so I am not having high expectations for now....

I would love to have them though , but have to protect my heart right now.....

But so far everyone seems to think it actually was a good step in the right direction for him ...only time will tell..

Well Mimi you were right, I am in a little bit of withdrawl now. It didn't hit me until last night when I went to bed.

I smelled him on the pillow and started crying. It's not as bad as it had been before, but your right it hurts. I'll be ok and it will get better.

I am glad there is no way for me to contact him, it sure makes it easy for me to do the right thing.

This is another good sign. I don't think what happened with his over night stay is a bad thing. And he will be calling. How did your children feel with his overnight stay?


Love, Lady

Mimi,

I was re-reading your thread this morning. The one diffrence I see is your H was talking to you about coming home when you had your office romance. Mine has not said anything to that affect... The only thing I get is he is confused and not sure of what he wants.

I am not hearing anything about wanting to come home. I saw in his actions he wanted to be here. I hear he misses me and he does love me but those are just words.

So is it his actions of wanting to be here night before last the thing that lets me know he wants to come home at some point? I just am not sure anymore. It had been 20 days of a good planb .... I am staying dark , I have to now. I still am shocked he stayed with me and not OW his last night in town. I sure wish she knew it, I can only imagine how that would play out for them....

Lady,

My daughter was here and she was happy about it. My son was at SIL house. No one else knows about this but everyone here on this board. I have not told his family because I don't think they would have approved because they don't want me hurt.

Myself and DD are keeping this to ourselves for now.... His family wants us back together but I think they would make a big deal to him about it, and tell him not to hurt me anymore...

hio,

I have to agree with believer and I also have to say that I am routinely disappointed in this site when people encourage other's when they break their plans or rules/values/beliefs and basically give you a high five and then get angry and attack when someone doesn't pat you on the back.Or get false hope with some of the hypocritical things the WS does and says.You've already broken 2 plan B's it looks like.

"But it felt so good and right" Isn't that what WS's tell themselves? You let your feelings get the better of you.Yes he is your husband and you above anyone has the "right" to be intimate with him,not some homewrecker.But you can't allow him to do that anymore.Of course he will agree to stay over,he has 2 women on the side.What he said was much of the same babble I got from my WH and then he would turn and walk out the door and call OW or be with her.PUKE.I don't think it's as much of OW not meeting his needs as it is he can have two for the price of one.

I also don't understand how you can forgive someone who isn't really done with what he is doing to you and the family or remorseful like he needs to be.

I don't know how long your WH is going to be away but I do hope you won't break anymore Plans.You will only hurt yourself and teach your WH he can sit on the fence longer.Be strong!

O

Hurting:

I hope you know that I don't encourage or "condone" what you did.

I understand what you did.

You are only human.

Others have probably done the same thing here but did not come out in the open like you did with us for fear of the two by fours....

Just make sure that there is TOTAL DARKNESS now...

O Girl is right. He probably thinks that he has you now and that he can continue to cake-eat. That's why I'm thinking that he will try to contact you soon....

The WS has to believe that the BS will forgive before there is RECOVERY...

Before coming back home, our negotiations included my insistence on NC with the OW for Life and his REQUEST for FORGIVENESS....

I know you did not encourage it mimi. As you said we are all human and make mistakes. And I do believe that he needs to know I am willing to forgive him and not use this against him the rest of his life. Like I said earlier he has not said anything about coming home, all he says is he is confused but he misses me and loves me. Just words no actions to make me believe he wants to come home. I just have to let time do its job one way or the other.

I am going into the darkness now, I am not answering the phone of any unknown numbers. DD knows if he calls to tell I am not here.

He knows he has to have N/C with OW before we even discuss him ever coming home. I don't know about him making contact with him being gone, we will see.

This is all very scary for me and I know I may have made a mistake and yes he probably does think he can have both now. But I am strong enough now to make sure that does not happen again.

It's hard to tell the person you have loved for so many years no, but I know it has to be done....

hurting,
I hope today is a good day for you and you maintain your resolve. I have mixed emotions about the SF with WS. I understand you wanting to be w/your H...but there will come a time when he wants to be with you that you will have to turn him away. You don't want him thinking he can charm you into bed anytime he wants and all will be forgiven without giving up OW and committing to marriage. You don't want to be his "booty" call. You want to be his wife.

I know its hard to resist because those aliens can do a good imitation of the real H at times. Hang in there...be strong.