Hey! That's my Birthday too!

You sound like you are doing well--do a good plan b.

I never did and have had two false recoveries and now getting a D and I think it will hit H like a Plan B even though the D is his desire.

Good Going. Hang Tough!

Happy Birthday Luna!

I also spent my birthday without WH last january,about 1 month into plan B. This time, for the first time in 19 years he sent me birthday present! a book.

Now it's been 10 months and I'm quite a bit more detached.

Just avoided him by waiting until he had dropped dds off, before coming home. I still can't stand seeing him.

Have fun. He'll be sorry one day

Hi Luna!

Glad you have plans for tomorrow and that you are really going to treat yourself special all day.

I agree 100% about your comments:



That really sums it up for me too. Take Care!!!!

Kim

Happy birthday, Luna. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

You are sounding good. Thinking of you!

Alph.

Luna,
you've taken the words right out of my mouth!

I wish you a very happy birthday and send you many, many warm sisterly hugs!

Ciao, cara Luna!

Albany, cc46, Kim, Alphin, LT,

Gee, thanks a lot for your birthday wishes! I really appreciate it.

Joyeuse Anniversaire! You sound more centered and grounded lately--a healthier place. Is this how you feel? I hope so. Wishing you well--and a great night out!

Happy Birthday Luna!!!!

Best Wishes always for a great Birthday.

It kinda sounds like w/h's conscience is working overtime and he seems to be relieving the guilt by encouraging your children to spend your birthday with you.

Ahuman and KDS, Thanks for the birthday wishes.

Yes, Ahuman, I am feeling much better, thanks.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LUNA!!!!
Do me a favor? When you go out with your friend tight ask for an extra B-Day hug...that one wil be from all your MB friends ((((<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />))))
Have a wonderful time and give us the details tomorrow! ENJOY!!!

Thanks for the wishes, c42.

Update.

I had a good weekend. Spent Friday night with friends. I was able to find at the library on Saturday the book by Melody Beattie: Codependent No More and I am just about finished. WOW! I am really learning a lot from it. It's a real eyeopener.

I decided not to make myself 'available' to look after S9 on Sunday and cover WH for work reasons with a one-day notice (because he knew about it weeks ahead!), so I guess he had to find other arrangements - it was not easy for me to say 'no' to him (and I guess indirectly to S9!) but I did it, without any explanation (leave him to wonder!). Besides, it's not easy for me to see S9 in and out for just an hour or two. I am still having a hard time with my boys 'leaving' just once a week as it is! WH needs to learn that part of him moving out means not depending on me at the drop of a pin!

Instead, I had a rendez-vous with myself, I spent the day walking, window shopping, and went to see two movies on a rainy afternoon!

Also, WH, in addition to leaving 'essential' info. messages on Friday, at the end added that he wished me a happy birthday, hoped I would have a pleasant birthday inspite of circumstances and that he 'thought' about me.

I am glad I don't need to reply to non-essential messages like this last one because I would feel only like giving him a piece of my mind. "Thinking" about someone is just as cheap as "words" are, isn't it?

Although I am dying to know what's going on with WH's life, I am really really good about PLAN B (not seeing him or speaking to him directly - phone messages only - which give me the time to 'think' about my replies and stick to essentials:boys/finances).

I am not even cheating by asking info. about him from the boys or friends/family in contact with him. Actually the real reason is that it would probably either discourage me if I learned that he was 'moving on' and if not, may give me false hope. But, in both cases, I would be wasting my time 'thinking' about him, and the whole idea of PLAN B is not to 'invest' thoughts on WH, and which I can only do by NOT knowing any details about his life!

Onward with PLAN B!

Luna,

you are becoming the plan B queen! I think you've really got the meaning of Dr. Harley's plan B.

I understood the rationale behind it but it has taken me at least 10 months to get rid of the feelings and start to enjoy being myself.

I don't want to hear about WH. Dr. Harley is right about that. It does no good and makes you feel worse.

Every now and then dds say something which lets me know that he's still wayward, or at least acting weird. Like last week he sent one of dds a scientific article on breast cancer! he sent it to both her e mail addresses and not to the others or to me. Then he quizzed her about it. We don't know why. She's 18 and nobody in the family has had breast cancer.

When I asked her if she had asked him why her, she just shrugged and said it was best to ignore him.

So on we go with our plan bs....

Luna~so proud of you--you are doing great. I either way you will come out beeter in the end fromt his with or without WH.

I put an update about me on my Plan B letter thread.

Have a hard time going dark but I know if I can make it for a week or two then I will be set.

I know this is the only way this may ever work with my WH.

I must act aloof and be mellow, calm, and collected--it has gotten to him every time in the past.

cc46 and Albany,

Thanks for your support.

Although I struggle with it everyday, and sometimes as I said the situation really 'gets to me', overall, I am definitely getting better at it!

It is tough and I struggle not be able to talk to my best friend and so does he actually.

I just have to hold him to it and hope he struggles enough to hit bottom so to speak.

Update.

My S9 had an accident while playing. Lost 2 teeth! Not baby teeth either. Arrggghhh! Seeing dentist this afternoon.

He's being 'courageous' about it.

Hard to see your kids in so much pain, physical as well as mental.

I guess it could have been worse - as my little one says: I could have broken my jaw! (Did not go into other possibilities I was thinking)

I love my boys so much. I know, I have already said that to you all, haven't I? (They seem to be getting sick of my telling them - so you're all getting some of the 'left overs'!)

Also, WH left message - looking for some library books to return that he can't find in case they were at the house, and that reminded me, being organized was not one of H's qualities. Poor thing.

I really really miss H! Haven't seen him for so long. Especially with winter and the holidays coming. It's going to be rough!

But I now know that if I have gotten through this far, I will get through it somehow.

Hi Luna -

How's S9 doing?? Hope the dentist was able to help with the pain.....

I'm not looking forward to the holidays either... We will get through it though!! You can do it -

That's great that you aren't asking about your WH. It takes a lot not to do that, I know. I kind of feel the same way about "knowing what he's up to" - I really don't want to hear it if he is still heavy in his A with OW. Or if he is moving on without me. It's kind of like a denial frame of mind for me. Not sure if that's healthy, but that's the way I'm handling it right now.

You are doing so great - not being available, treating yourself to movies.....Awesome!!

Kim

Oh, my goodness - poor S9!

Similar thing happened to me when I was that age - I was playing out in the snow and got a mouthful of sledge. Ouch. Dentist patched me up so you'd never know.

I miss my STBX too, truth be told, but not the man he is now - the one I fell in love with. Where is that person now? Not on this planet. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

You're doing great, Luna. I love dropping by your thread for a fix of serenity!

Alph.

Hi Kim and Alphin,

Thanks for 'dropping by'

S9 saw dentist. Can't do much at this point. Will see him again in 2 weeks time to give 'mouth' a chance to heal a bit. His Dad took him - so, don't have a lot of details. I guess will have to trust the 'professionals' on this one, and what will be will be.

S9 doesn't complain about pain so much, but need to get my soup recipes out because hurts too much yet to 'bite' into anything. Seems to be needing a lot of hugs, and I am more than willing to give them to him.

Don't have anything to say about WH, because I don't know a thing about what he is up to. But, I do dream about my H!

Being able to stick to this PLAN B thing is actually becoming a source of pride for me (especially being on my own as family is a day's drive away). PLAN A was really hard for me because I was no longer living with H but WH - really really damaging to the spirit - but I did give it MY best shot. I think I was able to make enough changes so that WH could not deny that none were possible, and no doubt about the fact that I was a 'willing' party to go for counselling to help us.

A big hug for both of you.

Take care.