I thought I'd give this it's own topic rather than put it under my own story. I'm just curious what others have done. I stopped wearing my ring about a week after d-day and 3 days after W moved out. I decided I didn't have to put myself through the pain of looking at my wedding ring every other second. If this has been discussed before, I apologize.

Scott
My own story

I think this has been discussed before, but I still am wearing mine. After all, I took vows and believe I have a covenant with the Lord, until the D is final. WH has been living with OW for 3 years, and no longer considers himself married.

ok.. this might look bad, but neither of us have worn ours for years. H isn't the ring type. After I gained weight, my fingers would swell at night and cut off circulation. Really too bad, too, since they are really cool rings that WH designed himself. H says that he doesn't wear his because the really sleazy women on the road actually hit on him MORE when he wears the ring. That's true, I guess, but I think he doesn't have a problem resisting the really sleazy ones. Anyway, when I lose the weight, I think I'll go back to wearing the wedding and engagement rings (they are really cool, and fit like a puzzle, and his fits on the other side.). Hopefully, we'll get back to it.
Good news is: we've always kept our rings on display in a very special case in our bedroom, under a crystal on a special ring tree...so at least we see them every day, nested together.

I wore just my wedding band after D-Day, no engagement ring. WH had taken his off entirely and put it on his KEY RING! (that still p*sses me off that our marriage had become symbolized as a key fob)

I wore both when I went over to see WH the last time I saw him to deliver Plan B letter. When I got home, I put them both away. I still see the mark on my finger and it'll be there for a while I'm sure. It's funny, I was just thinking about this tonight on my way home from work....should I wear my band...should I keep it in the drawer?

i never broke my vows...they never came off. i did ask hubby for his back.....

I took them off when I deeply understood how badly WH had broken those vows. It's hard to wear them when you really don't feel a close connection between the two of you.

My W is a musician and can't wear her ring while playing her instrument, but several months back, she stopped wearing her ring altogether. I asked her why, and she told me she didn't want to lose it since she had to take it off while practicing. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> There were so many signs, but I just kept trusting her unconditionally.

Scott

I have been wearing my anniversary ring. Just started wearing my wedding band again as I have lost enuff weight now for it to fit again :-) (am almost there folks!) In my view, I am married until I am not. Until I have divorce papers put in front of me to sign I am still very married. Don't think H has noticed ever what rings I wear. But it makes a statement too ya know? it is a small town and let everyone see me still wearing my wedding band. Let them be like "what the heck, thought they weren't together anymore?", stuff like that. Let ow's friends and family still see me wearing my wedding band.

Like I said, I am still married until I am not. As far as h, he only wore his in the beginning of our marriage. he is not a ring person at all. I always hated that, i wanted him desperately to wear his ring. I even bought him new ones but he wouldn't wear them. he always told me "everyone knows I am married, i don't need to wear a ring for them to know it" well, apparently the fact he is married doesn't deter gutter trash from wanting to be with him either. suppose his wearing a ring wouldn't have stopped that! mlhb

I wear my wedding rings every day and only took them off for a short period of time after every dday. I only post two ddays, but in reality I found information in bits and pieces - the ddays listed are when I started to find information and when it was finally confirmed by him. Ironically, I only wear them because it seems to upset him when I take them off and I do NOT want people to get the wrong impression. In reality, they mean nothing to me. They are merely a symbol of my shattered illusions.

I still wear my wedding rings and I will until I am either divorced or dead. WH took his off and put it in his wallet a few days before he moved out. When he came home the first time he put it back on , which lasted all of 4 days. I assume its in his wallet again.

I figure I am not the one who broke the vows , I am still married so I will continue to wear them...

WH notices to , before planb he would take my hand and touch my rings. Never said anything but he notices....

My WH kept removing his ring before I discovered the A. Never really questioned it.

I put my wedding ring on my right hand instead of my left now. I intend to remove it completely when I am divorced. For now it is there as a reminder that I'm married but things have changed!

I gave mine back to my WW about a month after d-day...told her that the original one had lost its meaning...and if we were to ever reconcile, I would expect a new, nicer one.

Of course she gets to keep the 1.5 carat diamond in a platinum setting engagement ring, as well as her platinum wedding band...I gave back my 16k white gold cheapy band.

Seems those are a good example of our entire relationship/marriage. I gave her way too much. I received far too little.


TM

I am still wearing mine. I will continue to wear it unless we D. I am still married. I also wear my ring to remind me to have belief and faith that we will be back together one day.

WH stopped wearing his after I exposed the A the second time. He put it back on at my request for DS's birthday party. Took it off as soon as we got home.

I stopped wearing a neckalace for a while that WH bought me at the birth of DS. It's a heart with 3 birthstones. One for each of us. I stopped wearing it b/c I didn't feel like we were a family unit anymore. I recently put it back on to show WH that I was still standing up for the family.

I'm not sure if he noticed.

Kimberly
D-Day May 14th
DS age 6
Married 13 years
Going into Plan B

Removed my rings, he still wears his. The rings symbolized the oneness that we became when we wed. After D-day I didn't feel one with him any longer. I will not return wedding rings to my finger until I feel one again with him. Is that mean of me?

I wore mine...for a long time. AFter I filed for divorce, I gave back my original plain little gold wedding band back to him...by that time the old band had been replaced by plat and diamond ring...I wore it...and took it off after my first court hearing. It was too much.

Strangely, 1.7 years and total of 3 years apart completely, my left hand, ring finger still has an indention on it. Like I just took a ring off of it. And on my inside of my hand, there is still a small callous where the large plat band rubbed against my hand. My family noticed this when I went home 2 weeks ago. My sis said, gosh it looks like you just took the thing off.

As for now, I wear a ring on my right hand. My birthstone in an antique setting plat and sapphire, aquamarine, and diamond. Much smaller than old wedding ring...but it is also symbol for courage and clarity...my birthstone.

My xh, instantly remarried...never wears his new wedding ring at all. I have only seen him wear it once in the year and a half he's been married to her. It's as though he can't bear to have it on in front of me...or probably any decent looking woman that is.

I think I took mine off when I realized it was irretreviably broken. And it literally hurt too much to lay eyes on it.

Which time??!!

I don't remember how many times I took my rings off and then put them back on. It depended on what we were dealing with in terms of my exWS's affair. The details of his affair came out little by little. There was the birth of an OC involved. We divorced, but we attempted reconciliation for the next year.

At times I left them on because I knew that I still loved him and wanted to remain his wife. It felt reassuring to look down at them.

At other times I couldn't stand the pain of the reminder that the rings were no longer a reflection of the vows that they symbolized. Off they came.

It wasn't a game for me. It was a true reflection of my pain, hope, confusion,love, rage, etc.

I took them off and put them away after the one year we attempted reconciliation. I didn't wear them for two years. Until this past Spring... It would have been our sixth wedding anniversary. I was sorting through some wedding photos as I was getting ready to move. I was thinking about how much I loved him...was in love with him. How I'd lost my best friend as well as my husband and lover. I went and took my rings out and put them on for awhile. I let myself enjoy their beauty...and cry over all the losses. I then put them away.

I had this moment of revenge fantasy. The OW, their OC, and my exWS have lived together for three years...no marriage. I thought about sending the OW a note:

Dear OW,
I'm getting ready to move and was packing my wedding dress and rings from (exWS). I was going to send them to you just in case you and exWS ever decided to marry and make it respectable for your son. But....then I remembered that they were purchased for a "classy lady". Oops! So sorry! My bad!!" The BS

That ring thing - let me tell you. I read a post from Ktulu about rings on one of the very worst days.It reminded me that I had taken off my ring on D-day about six weeks earlier.

I had to go do some TV for a business thing in London and my FWW found out I sent proof of PA to OM GF on the same day. She was absolutely ACID, hateful, vicious, telling me by phone she was packing and moving out and leaving the country with the kids and OM and all kinds of stuff. I had to keep calm and put my business head on for bloomberg ...

I got home she was EVIL. I checked my mail & this board and read Ktulu's post about the significance of her wedding band. I went straight to our bedroom and put on my wedding ring. I realised I was serious abut my commitment and I had done NOTHING to break my vow.

FWW noticed it the very next day in the middle of her worst and most terrible spite towards me and the kids.
" What the h3ll u wearing that for ? Our Marriage is down the pan !"

I replied calmly : "I don't need your permission to wear it. I promised God and you that I'd wear it for better or worse. Well, this is 'worse' but my promise to God and you still stands. I want to be married to you. I want to do all I can to stay happily married to you, despite my hurt. Until the LAST MINUTE that there is hope that we can rescue our M I will wear the ring you gave me before God."

She ran upstairs and cried loudly for a long time. I took the kids bowling...

That was the peak of the hatred and fog. She mentioned since that it was very touching for her to see me wearing her ring when she felt so undeserving of it. And it also accused her.

I won't take it off again till I'm dead or divorced.

Now in recovery, Squid had tried to put on her wedding band. (a sports injury meant it hadn't fitted her for a year or more).

The story of what I did is HERE .

Do as you see fit with your wedding bands. You can see that ours were very significant indeed. All blessings

I left my engagement and wedding band with H with my plan b letter when I left our house just over a week ago.

The way I saw it, the band represented H's promise to me, which he had brokem, so it didn't seem worth continuing to wear it.

However, God has a funny way in these things, doesn't he. I figure that the changed shape of my finger where I worn it, and the very obvious un-tanned line from underneath it are his way of reminding me that despite not wearing the ring we are still married.

Everyone I meet notices the white band of skin that now seems to gleam on my finger.

Hoping that my H will one day see fit to give me them back, or replace them with something new - much in the way of Bob's new covenant. Only really one day into recovery, so maybe quite a lot to hope for yet, although my H did ask together whether he thought we might one day renew our vows.

unhappy_badger

Forgot to add, when my xh's (as he says) "present" wife was looking for incriminating evidence against my now xh just a little over a month ago...because he was cheating on her...the former OW, she found many things he had hidden away.

One thing was my plain little gold band.

She actually asked if I wanted it back.

I told her that because of what she did, what monkey did (ow2) and my xh, that I WANT MY XH TO KEEP IT...AND THAT IT'D BETTER STAY IN THE HIDING SPOT HE HAS IT IN...IT IS THE SYMBOL OF MY MARRIAGE...AND OBVIOUSLY IT MEANT TO HIM SOMETHING. I told her it was too painful for me to have. I told her to LET MY XH KEEP IT...AND THAT SHE SHOULD NOT INTERFERE ANY MORE IN MY PAST.

Incidentally, it was same day she tried to "give back" my wedding portrait she found also...which is ironically still hanging in the front window of portrait studio of a very well known wedding photographer in TN...and I told former OW/nowW that "it's my xh's now. He can have it. It is a symbol of a beautiful day...a once beautiful life. It's his burden to bear. And maybe yours too wouldn't you say?"

I am personally glad I gave my plain little band back to my xwh. Despite his life now, I know the man must feel some level of shame. He hid away my little ring from his live in lover turned outta wedlock wife. And my beautiful portrait will from time to time haunt both he and his former mistress.

I took mine off the day I filed for a divorce back in March...WH took his off at that time as well...We both put them back on when we tried to reconcile in May and I took them off the day he moved out in May...haven't seen them since!

now when I wear a ring on that finger, it feels very strange!